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Need some advice. KINDA LONG

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:19 PM
  • 8 Replies

Little back story my inlaws have never like me much.Because now my husband doesn't have extra money to give them.  They also don't agree with my kids being on meds or where we live. So my son just turned 7 he has Aspebergers well i planned on having his party tommorrow i let my  inlaws know this last month i sent invites and everything well they said they could not make. So not one of my inlaws thought enough to come to my son's party. So i was explaining this ordeal to my mom when i heard my husband tell my son his aunt's uncles and cousin's weren't coming. Which made my son cry i then heard my husband making excuses for his family. This really made me mad cause of his sisters said she wasn't coming cause of when i planned it for and where it was. it was planned for my house tommorrow. So since it was just going to be us, my  mom and inlaws i just canceled it and we are going to his grandmas.  So my question is should i even allow them around my kids any more since they are doing this. Should i say something or should i just let it go. I do not think my husband should be making excuses and he knows that but i don't know what to do about his family. it really hurt my son that they were not coming. He told  my mom his grandma they weren't coming cause they don't love him. So i don't know what to do.

by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:19 PM
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Replies (1-8):
RockinMama0608
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:40 PM

((hugs))  My heart breaks for your son  =(  This is a really tough decision.  I see your point in not wanting to have your son around them since they just upset him (and you).   What does your DH have to say about it? If your DH is close to his family, it would be hard to just "cut" them out entirely.  Maybe you two can discuss options or have his mom apologize to your son. 


Rebelmamma_04
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:51 PM
His parents passed away its his sisters and brother they hardly see each other but maybe a couple times a year. He says don't let it bother me and our son. But to me its like telling my kids they are not good enough
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RochelleFS
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 4:56 PM

I would talk with them and let them know that the fact they didn't come was hurtful to your son and let them know that you want them to be a part of your lives. If they feel they do not want to be more involved then at least you can move on knowing you tried to improve the relationship. BTW, I am very sorry that your son was upset and disappointed this way. We have been through this with several members of our family and it is always very hurtful.

shell3m
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 5:37 PM

cut them out.  I do NOT tolerate my child being snubbed by family.  I have cut out family because of this.  I have friends and OTHER family that loves him just the way he is. 

twins0506
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 6:10 PM

coming from personal experiences i would say not to keep them from seeing your son. i'm not allowed to see my 3 year old neice because of an argument i got in with my sil 2 years ago. it kills me every holiday and birthday that i can't see her. of course i would like to see her anytime but especially those days i want to see her. she doesn't even know who i am and probably never will and it sucks. so i would say don't let the arguments between YOU and THEM come between your son and them. because this is what's happening with me and it really sucks. your son is old enough to know whats going on and he is going to be upset that he can't see them anymore. of course do what you think is best for your son and your family, but after all is said and done, that's still his family and no matter how much you hate them you can't change that.

ROGUEM
by on Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:34 PM

I think the first thing I would do is to tell your son that it is not his fault that they aren't coming. I would tell him sometimes adults don't get along and right now that is what is going on.  That this absolutely has nothing to do with him.  I would then slowly ease them out of my life.  Stop mentioning them and just let it go.  We did this with a family member and the kids never think of him.  People can only hurt you if you allow them chances to. So I would decide how important it is that they stay in your life, is it worth the chance they could shun your child again?

Rebelmamma_04
by on Aug. 20, 2011 at 12:15 AM
Well I told him it wasn't his fault and I told him that they love him. I just hated seeing him cry.
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humbledmom310
by Kelly on Aug. 20, 2011 at 1:08 AM

  I would tell your in laws that following through with your word is very important for your child and if they can not do this then they will not be in his life. Then next time there is something they are supposed to attend , do not tell your son ,"yes they are coming ",until you know for sure. Even if it is an hour before. That way if they do flake your son doesn't know about it and your husband will not even have to make an excuse to him. Now if they do flake after you have the discussion then start to faze them out of your life. Any adult who would put their pettiness above a child should not be in his life anyways.

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