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Still so sad...Please moms help me and tell me your stories and advice

Hello fellow mothers...I was wondering how did everyone deal with the saddness of being a mom of a child with autism?  It has been about six and a half years for my FIRST diagnosis, with my son who is very, very affected with autism.  He stims constantly and extremely walks on his tip toes all day long.  He has no friends that anyone knows of.  I get so sad its hard for me to go anywhere and I think to myself 'get up and why are you crying--its been over six years so get used to it!'  But, I tell you I am stricken with fear every single day about my own death.  Not scared of the pain or anything like that but my son...his own father isn't involved hardly at all with his care.  It falls solely on me.  So, after I die that means he will be lonely and probably neglected, abused, and just left alone.  This is my greatest fear.  I am new to cafe' mom, so I hope its ok that I share this.  To be completely honest, for most of the first three years I was so broken that I was hardly sober ever.  I was still super mom, please don't think he suffered but I couldn't stand the thought that this was my fault.  I ate tuna fish (mercury), he had many immunizations, I was on Paxil the first two months of my pregnancy, etc.  I hate how people constantly stare at us so I just isolated myself for the better part of five years.  I love my son and I have never really had one myself, so I really threw myself into super mom at all times and cost.  I never babysat or been around children, as I don't have family.  When he was born, as silly as it may sound, I wouldn't even shower for days if that meant my son would be alone or suddenly stop breathing (SIDS).  So you can imagine the diagnosis of Autism and what it has done to me.  I feel like a shadow of what I once was.  I don't feel strong and I don't even know what my own interests are.  Does anyone relate?  Are there any mothers out there all alone trying hard as hell to navigate everything Autism-related?  The one thing I can say, on a positive side, is that I can see the beauty in everyday I am here with him.  Thank you for reading this and hearing my words.

by on Oct. 16, 2011 at 1:07 AM
Replies (61-70):
Autiziumom
by Ana on Oct. 18, 2011 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow! I know exactly how u feel. But I am not alone I have my husband whom blames himself for our sons Dx. But I feel that I have lost myself to wat I was n wat I wanted to b. I finished high school but thats it. I wanted to take the world. Little did I know the autism world would take us. Even though I have my husband we r so alone. We were extremely misunderstood in church. But ur not alone. We r all here for u. If u dont mind I will pray for ur son n u!
NicoleKelly
by on Oct. 18, 2011 at 9:50 PM

This post happens to appear on the side of the screen for all cafemom members, so I don't think it's right for you to say anything about her response...unless you'd like to take it up with CafeMom for putting this group post for EVERYONE to see!!!  I even came in to look because it's the third time today I've seen it.

Quoting Eva1973:

I must say that I do not love it when persons who are NOT members of this group respond to posts.  Having a child with autism is not something you can understand unless you've been through it.  

Quoting serjil:

I'm sorry that I can't relate to you, but stop blaming yourself. It's already been proven that vaccinations don't cause autism, and I doubt eating tuna had anything to do with it. I ate tuna fish sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant, and my son is anything but autistic. There are so many other environmental factors that could cause autism these days that we didn't have years ago, and you can't control them. What you need to do is take life by the horns and deal with what you got handed to you. You can drown in your sorrow or build a cruise ship and float over your problems in style. It's your choice. You need to be there one hundred percent for your son, or he will suffer for it too. Good luck to you. 

 


marcie1455
by Member on Oct. 18, 2011 at 11:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I can relate to a lot of what you are saying.  I live in a city without any family, nor friends.  I have a few associates, but they cannot relate to our situation.  I watched Discovery one night and they showed how pregnant mothers who wore special backpacks with specialized monitors, which they breathed into a tube amongst other things, were watched day to day going about their regular lives.  (It was an experiment done in NYC)  At the time of birth the infants ambilical cords were examined amongst the various types of data of each mothers waking moments of  going to work, catching a bus, staying home, etc...  it was found that before birth the babies had been exposed to over 265 different types of toxins. I personally delayed ALL vaccinations while I was living in NYC, which didn't work for my son.  I just saw on Dr. Oz where they were urging people not to use plastics with BPA's  and to not microwave in anything unless the bottom number has 1,2, 4,  or 5 due to toxins.  Who knows whats causing Autism?  My son did not receive one single vaccination until AFTER he was diagnosed autism at age two.  I know how rough it feels mama.  I'm on meds now.  I had 30 hours of week of Early Interventionist invading my privacy and my household from 9:00 a.m to 6:30 p.m.  We all are trying to live one moment at a time, and one breath at a time.  This is not a day by day situation by any means.  Try to keep your chin up!  You are not in this alone.  Someone told me to stop looking back, but to keep focusing forward.  Loving our children the best we know how in the PRESENT is the best gift we can give them for their future.   (((((HUGS))))))    

marcie1455
by Member on Oct. 18, 2011 at 11:59 PM

BUMP!

storminsl
by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

my son has asperger's and i know it's not as severe as your sons but i too am a single mom with noone in my family that i trust him with they are all drug addicts including his grandmother. you have to remember there is always someone who cares. i don't know where you live but i do know i am totaly grate for my sons rinky dink school for a small school i only have to explain him 2-3 times a day and surprisingly enough it's the 7th and 8th grade girls that protect him the most. it does get easier i think and maybe if you found other moms in your area yhat have kids w/autism you could meet up with them (they would certainly understand your dilema and worries) i know this might not help much but sometimes people do surprise you in a good way i hope this helps

shaiorta
by Member on Oct. 19, 2011 at 1:00 PM

Thai Not true at all. It has Not been proven that vacs aren't the cause. It has been shown to be a good possibility. However that being said you MUST NOT blame yourself. I never gave one vac to our daughter and she has it. I may have ate tuna. But the point is God gave you what he wanted you to have. That all, bottom line. It is not your fault. Hugs

Quoting serjil:

I'm sorry that I can't relate to you, but stop blaming yourself. It's already been proven that vaccinations don't cause autism, and I doubt eating tuna had anything to do with it. I ate tuna fish sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant, and my son is anything but autistic. There are so many other environmental factors that could cause autism these days that we didn't have years ago, and you can't control them. What you need to do is take life by the horns and deal with what you got handed to you. You can drown in your sorrow or build a cruise ship and float over your problems in style. It's your choice. You need to be there one hundred percent for your son, or he will suffer for it too. Good luck to you. 


Eva1973
by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 3:14 PM

I wish CafeMom would change it, but that's no excuse for individuals to be insensitive.  Maybe if you had a child with autism, you'd understand.  

Quoting NicoleKelly:

This post happens to appear on the side of the screen for all cafemom members, so I don't think it's right for you to say anything about her response...unless you'd like to take it up with CafeMom for putting this group post for EVERYONE to see!!!  I even came in to look because it's the third time today I've seen it.

Quoting Eva1973:

I must say that I do not love it when persons who are NOT members of this group respond to posts.  Having a child with autism is not something you can understand unless you've been through it.  

Quoting serjil:

I'm sorry that I can't relate to you, but stop blaming yourself. It's already been proven that vaccinations don't cause autism, and I doubt eating tuna had anything to do with it. I ate tuna fish sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant, and my son is anything but autistic. There are so many other environmental factors that could cause autism these days that we didn't have years ago, and you can't control them. What you need to do is take life by the horns and deal with what you got handed to you. You can drown in your sorrow or build a cruise ship and float over your problems in style. It's your choice. You need to be there one hundred percent for your son, or he will suffer for it too. Good luck to you. 




tammy968
by on Oct. 19, 2011 at 5:57 PM
1 mom liked this

I know how you feel.  My son Christopher is 14 and he was borned dead and he has a seizure disorder which he has been seizure free for 3 yrs. Well, anyway, We've had cops called on us, People stare when he throws a fit in a store. My mama told me to tell them "He has his good days and his bad days and today was a bad day and please don't judge us until you walk in our shoes, you don't know what we as parents of children with autism and any other challenges they may face. My son has also has adhd and he  has language and learning disabilities. My advice would be to love your son and give him all the opportunities that is out there, they can do any thing, My child doesn't like to be around alot of people and he's happy just by being by hisself. I use to worry my child being lonely and unhappy but I watch him and I see he's happy just by being who he is, he always finds stuff to do. I wish you good luck. if you need anything, let me know.

 

 

jendylansmommy
by on Oct. 20, 2011 at 8:10 PM

 Where do I find something like this here in WA or in AZ, does anyone know about these things?  I feel like my fingers are on fire typing in response...That would bring me at least a little less anxiety having a 'plan'...  It doesn't erase or ease all of the rest of the fight that is many years to come, but at least I could feel like if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, would I roll over three times in my grave because of abuse, etc??? or would I be able to live in peace with the thought that I did the very best I could with what I was given? 

myking77
by on Oct. 21, 2011 at 6:07 PM

They had a number on t.v.about if someone had took the pills paxil this you can get help for look up the word paxil and it will tell you  from there,And if i come across i will tell you.

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