Still so sad...Please moms help me and tell me your stories and advice
Hello fellow mothers...I was wondering how did everyone deal with the saddness of being a mom of a child with autism? It has been about six and a half years for my FIRST diagnosis, with my son who is very, very affected with autism. He stims constantly and extremely walks on his tip toes all day long. He has no friends that anyone knows of. I get so sad its hard for me to go anywhere and I think to myself 'get up and why are you crying--its been over six years so get used to it!' But, I tell you I am stricken with fear every single day about my own death. Not scared of the pain or anything like that but my son...his own father isn't involved hardly at all with his care. It falls solely on me. So, after I die that means he will be lonely and probably neglected, abused, and just left alone. This is my greatest fear. I am new to cafe' mom, so I hope its ok that I share this. To be completely honest, for most of the first three years I was so broken that I was hardly sober ever. I was still super mom, please don't think he suffered but I couldn't stand the thought that this was my fault. I ate tuna fish (mercury), he had many immunizations, I was on Paxil the first two months of my pregnancy, etc. I hate how people constantly stare at us so I just isolated myself for the better part of five years. I love my son and I have never really had one myself, so I really threw myself into super mom at all times and cost. I never babysat or been around children, as I don't have family. When he was born, as silly as it may sound, I wouldn't even shower for days if that meant my son would be alone or suddenly stop breathing (SIDS). So you can imagine the diagnosis of Autism and what it has done to me. I feel like a shadow of what I once was. I don't feel strong and I don't even know what my own interests are. Does anyone relate? Are there any mothers out there all alone trying hard as hell to navigate everything Autism-related? The one thing I can say, on a positive side, is that I can see the beauty in everyday I am here with him. Thank you for reading this and hearing my words.
You cannot blame yourself. At all. Do not think about what you did or did not do while you were pregnant, or what vaccinations he got. There is no one known cause of autism. It does not help your mental health to blame yourself. My son was diagnosed in April of 2010. He is 4. I pretty much always knew something was different about him. It wasn't a shock when he was diagnosed. I do feel sadness from time to time. I feel fear about his future. When I feel sad because he can't talk, or feel sad because I see how my life is different from a mom who has typical kids... I just make myself stop, and think about the things that make my son special. He has a beautiful smile. If I can make him smile, it is worth everything because his smile makes me smile. Smiles are worth so much when you are feeling down. I drive an hour away once a week to get him speech therapy on horseback by professionals. One hour there and back, just to see the smile on his face when he is on the horse. What is it about your son that just makes you happy? Find that thing and focus on it. I focus on making my son smile, because it makes me smile and totally takes away any crummy feelings I just had. Most importantly, you need support. This is not a journey to be traveled alone. If you can't find it in his father or any family, find it in the community. We're out there! Moms of children with autism who feel the same things, going through the same struggles. You just have to search us out! My son is going to an amazing preschool and the support there has been a life saver. The teachers, the therapists, the staff, and the parents have been such a resource of information and support. Reach out to your local autism society. Just google your state for autism. Heck, even reach out to a therapist. Even being in this group will help. I come in here all the time just for the support. I hope this helps. Hugs!
I'm sorry that I can't relate to you, but stop blaming yourself. It's already been proven that vaccinations don't cause autism, and I doubt eating tuna had anything to do with it. I ate tuna fish sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant, and my son is anything but autistic. There are so many other environmental factors that could cause autism these days that we didn't have years ago, and you can't control them. What you need to do is take life by the horns and deal with what you got handed to you. You can drown in your sorrow or build a cruise ship and float over your problems in style. It's your choice. You need to be there one hundred percent for your son, or he will suffer for it too. Good luck to you.
I DO relate to alot of what you say. A while ago I started a post about being afraid of what will happen to my son after I die, and A LOT of moms responded saying they have similar fears. I worry about this all the time. My husband and I are both older parents and he is 5 yrs older than me. My DH will probably die first and then I will be alone trying to care for my adult son with autism. Then when I'm gone, he'll have no one. I have no other children or family that will care about him. He will probably end up in an institution. It is horrible. So many of us will be in this situation that hopefully society as a whole will respond and provide some decent longterm care for all these people with autism. They won't be kids forever and will need help after their parents die. So, yes, I think about this a lot. It is very scary.
And I also relate to being a shadow of my former self. I am a fulltime SAHM and homeschool fulltime and do not have any time for hobbies or relaxation. I know a lot of people would tell me to put my son in public school or find a daycare that will take him, but I want him to have the best care and I know that I'm the only one who can provide that, unfortunately. So, it is exhausting, but there's really no other way.
My boys have been diagnosed for a little over a year and I still cry sometimes. You always imagine your kids being doctors or lawyers (an example lol) and yes a kid with autism can be that but its 500x more harder for them to do that. And it just makes me sad. One thing I stopped doing is blaming myself. I was on meds when I was pregnant. Who knows if that's what caused it. But by me stressing over that, is it going to help them now? I'm just focusing on helping them and getting them as much of the best therapy they can get.
I must say that I do not love it when persons who are NOT members of this group respond to posts. Having a child with autism is not something you can understand unless you've been through it.
Quoting serjil:I'm sorry that I can't relate to you, but stop blaming yourself. It's already been proven that vaccinations don't cause autism, and I doubt eating tuna had anything to do with it. I ate tuna fish sandwiches all the time when I was pregnant, and my son is anything but autistic. There are so many other environmental factors that could cause autism these days that we didn't have years ago, and you can't control them. What you need to do is take life by the horns and deal with what you got handed to you. You can drown in your sorrow or build a cruise ship and float over your problems in style. It's your choice. You need to be there one hundred percent for your son, or he will suffer for it too. Good luck to you.
I'm going to be mad
Has your ASD child had swimming lessons?
- jendylansmommy
on Oct. 16, 2011 at 1:07 AM