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My head is spinning and I am going to screammmmmmmmmm...........!

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:50 AM
  • 2 Replies


     Ladies, it is Wednesday again and I am trying to "beat the clock" as always, trying to cram in all I can while the kids are at play group/school. We went 7 days with no heat,electricity, or water (we have a Well) because of this CRAZY storm that hit the NE. It was VERY unpleasent.

    We went to the dr.s yesterday and in addition to the Spectrum diagnosis we also have the ADHD component. No suprise there...My son that is on the Spectrum (9 years old)is my oldest (as some of you remember and the other 3 are not (as far as we can tell.) on the spectrum.

    So here it is, all my stress to unload and hopfully get some constructive responses so I can pull it together again, regroup...I feel I have little to no reserve.


     We are doing the Meletonin for sleep one short lasting and one extended release. It is working ok, but he still seems very emotional and weepy during the day.

     The dr. also perscribed Focalin XR. It is the first time medicating and I am not really on board with this part of the process. My son is HF Spectrum, mainly social, emotional and physical. Intelectually there is a scew. I have read mixed reviews about Focalin/XR versions. I want to try it on the weekend so I can see what happens before school will, the dr. seemed convinced we would see ether Euphoria or a more "normal" positive outcome. He said if we saw Euphoria we needed to discontinue use and try something else.

     He also talked about Fragile X and gene testing. I have read a bit about that also, nothing we can do about it now, but to know if that is the "version" of autism we have in the genes.


     Then there is the issue of my family. No one wants to tell anyone about the diagnosis. I am not excited, not rushing around with joy, but I feel I need to discuss it with family,friends, and some teacher friends we know for ideas, and support. And to validate the difficulty we have had over the years. 

     Simultaneously I am going through a divorce (he asked for the divorce) and he is controlling all the finances, so I am now finding myself in the middle of that battle also. I have to get some type of temporary support of the boys and prove financial information, etc. in the middle of the things with my son.

     My family is not supporting me in a way that I need and unfortunately because the children and I live with them it is SO difficult. I have no outside life. I only work and take care of my children. And today they asked me to work on my day off and I felt obligated for various reasons, but now I am mad at myself for saying yes. I do not get paid, but a break on tuition. I have no outlets, and I know that needs to change, but I find it overwhelming to even try to get that to happen.

    I am currently having a small pity party for myself...I have been married for 10 years, been through the 4 births(all with their own medical issues), 2 deployments for my husband, who also then got cancer, and now the divorce and my son's diagnosis...I have stated these life events before, but today, I feel horrible.

     I thought the one thing I would be good at is mothering, and I have spent the better part of the last 9 years feeling incapable, incompetent, and unsuccessful as a parent, the one thing I felt I would be good at doing. Now I learn that my husband is a selfish, self-centered person who is only looking out for #1-- crazy (tells everyone we know he dose not want the divorce, he says I left him--he tells everyone, though he is the one who filed), my oldest does have something wrong, my middle boy gets lost in the mix and the 2 little ones are very aggressive (I think because of my cortisol levels during the pregnancy--our "surprise babies"...)

 I just want to scream!I see these other mom's at school who work full time, have 3/4 kids and do all this volunteer work for the school and the sports teams, I am jealous, I do not know how they/ you do it all so successfully.


    Anyone at there computes want to give me some outside unbias perspective? Please.


by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 11:50 AM
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:08 PM

 I'm sorry to hear that you're going trough so much at once, it is overwhelming. to try new med for a child is always scary, i went trough that. for your hubby, he is being selfish, but you cant control that, you just have concentrate on getting financial support from him. your family needs to educate themselves about dx, it is not a disease, there is no embarrassment about people knowing that. I'm sure you're a great mother and you're doing the best you can, you have to take one day at the time, there is nothing ells you can do, try to take care of your self, so you can help your kids adjust. you probable need some professional help for your self, to talk with someone. good luck, hugs

by Wendy on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:20 PM

((hugs)) I don't have advice but wow you are going through alot and I wish I could do something to help you.

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