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Judgemental, but still went well

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:43 PM
  • 5 Replies



Question: Tell in laws about my son's diagnosis?


Yes, tell them

No, don't tell them

Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 11

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This thanksgiving was interesting, surprising, enjoyable, but still full of biting words.

We spent a couple of days with my husband's family. Mother-in law, two brother in laws, a sister in law and two nephews. Had a great time, my second son who is developed on time loved interacting with his cousins who carried conversations with him. He was so excited to have affection, eye contact, etc. without having to beg for it. I loved that.

My PDD son (pretty damn determined) was not overstimulated by all the people. He found an area at the table and played all day. When anyone said hi, he would respond. (he never warmed up to anyone in our extended family). He would scream when anyone would touch his toys. My husband had asked me not to mention his diagnosis to the in laws. According to him, they might talk to him slowly, basically stigmatize him (do not agree), but it's his family. His right to say so.

So I have to deal with the array of why does he do this? why does he do that? my sister in law is very loving and supportive, she is also a nurse and a loving mother. But it is difficult to explain any of his behaviors without using the spectrum. I almost want to override my husband's decision, but there's that uneasy feeling in my stomach about it.

Ironically, my nephews understood Dominic's behavior as atypical. The older one asked why does he just say one word, not a sentence. Then he later interacted with him because they both like dinosaurs. They got along somehow, without any mediation on my part. My sister in law's husband in particular was amazing with my son. This is a guy who is very low energy and my son just clicked with him, but there's a weirdness because my sister in law was confused that my son did not want to have anything to do with her.

My mother in law (who really loves her grandsons) asked me, does he have autism? He's incredibly smart, but I don't understand what he's doing. The best I could come up with was, he's developmentally delayed, but yes, very bright. Everyone knows that there's something that they are not being told, and this puts me in such an uncomfortable position.

My husband has come a long way with accepting our child's diagnosis (he still disagrees), but he participates in sensory and speech activities. I think that he is wrong in this, but I do not want him to backslide back into the scared father. Any advice please.

p.s. no one even made a big deal about my son not eating certain foods (sensory). He ate turkey, dinner rolls, and cranberry sauce. He didn't "stim" at all, just screaming when asked for affection or anyone touched his dinosaurs. Awesome success for me!!

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:43 PM
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Replies (1-5):
by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 12:49 PM
1 mom liked this

 i would tell them. sounds like they have accepted him for him and a label won't change that. good luck!

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:04 PM
There's some of my family still haven't told. If we go somewhere and they are "acting normal" which sounds like your son was kinda acting that day, then I don't tell them. I don't want them to have any sympathy for them. I just want them to enjoy the time they are spending together.
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by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 2:09 PM

 I always tell.  If people can handle it great, if not.......not my problem.  My day will not be different because people don't understand, our bills will still get paid and my boys will get kisses at night and I will still love to give hugs and we will still eat dinner.  Things like our day to day life isn't going to affected by people like that.  :)  Sounds like they would be MORE than willing to accept it.  They actually showed that it would be ok.  I think your husband needs to ball up and just tell them.  It's not like they don't know  My ex-husband didn't want to tell his mother but I finally did tell her she said she already knew...LOL  It sounds like if you educate them on how to interact with him (which sounds like they are doing great anyway) they will not treat him like he's slow.  I wish you luck hun!  :) 

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:04 PM

 they let him be him self and every one had a great time.

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 6:39 PM

It seems everyone in yours husband's family really already knows.  I am betting they think you and your husband are in denial. 

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