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Helpful ideas needed to intergrate....

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:07 PM
  • 5 Replies

Hi, I am new to the group and new to autism. I have a wonderful boyfriend whos son is autistic and has aspergers and we are at the point where we are going to be intergrating him in my life and I will be meeting and interacting with him, and then we plan to slowly introduce my children (2 teens16, and 13) into the mix.  He is 9.We have been dating for quite a while but keeping the kids out of the mix. Now we are ready to take things to the next step.

His son is very high functioning but has sensory issues, and some times is very good with things other times not so good. He also has motor skills issues but as I said he is very high functioning, attends regular school with an aid in the room for support, he is very smart.  

I really want it to go well, very nervous about it.  I am really afraid he is going to have a hard time andnot like me or my children and that will be the end of the relationship.  Is there anyone who has gone through something similar, or have words of advice??? 


by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:07 PM
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Replies (1-5):
kickinit
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:15 PM

slow...very slow.  Make it a fun event for him and definatley introduce your children with you.  He will probably be interested in them more.  Thats how it was with our family and my nephew.  then you slowly get close with him (lots of high fives and smiles).  Also, educate your children before they meet him.  Maybe even your boyfriend can do it.  Make sure they are comfortable b4 they meet him.  he will sense it if they are afraid of him or think he's weird.   but most kids get it and they will just adapt.  hopefully, he will bring much joy into your lives as my nephew has into ours.   god bless 

cythina208
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:21 PM
Hope that he can accept your children. I believe if someone loves u they will try to learn about the disability.
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ROGUEM
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:26 PM

 I have 3 children with Autism and my oldest is 12 and has Aspergers.  I would say that if you are sincere and kind and understanding with him, he will pick up on that and learn to care for you. 

The first thing I would do is read about Aspergers so you really understand it. That way you will understand how to interact with him and you will understand if he does something that seems different why he is doing it.  Most kids with Aspergers have special interests/obsessions like Star Wars or astromony or animals or airplanes, or Nascar.  If you can find out what that is and learn a little about it before meeting him then you will have a common ground.  My son loves action figures, Godzilla, and video games.  If a person came over and knew a little about these subjects and was willing to talk to him about them, then he would immediately love this person.  My dad comes over and lets Matthew go on and on about his favorite subjects and Matthew thinks the world of him.

So to some it up, if I were you I would prepare myself about the ins and outs of Aspergers, ask your boyfriend what his special interests are and learn a little about them, and then when meeting him try to show interest in his favorite subjects.

People with Aspergers have varying degress of social akwardness.  He may be blunt and say things in the wrong tone or inflection. Or he could be shy and not answer at first.  Some talk in a monotone voice.  He may seem slow to warm up or invade your personal space.  Just know that it is part of Aspergers and don't act like it is bothering you.  My son is the most wonderful person and is so sweet.  He may say the wrong thing sometimes but he loves attention and affection.

Oh and after you read about Aspergers explain to your children about it.  Warn them about how he may act at first so they don't point it out or act uncomfortable. 

There are good videos on YouTube with people that have Aspergers.  You many want to watch a couple and then show your children so they understand it better.

Here is a good one

I like this on too to prepare your children.

amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 13, 2012 at 3:05 PM

Welcome!

I absolutely love that you're focused on what is best for a child you don't really know yet.  Because of your care and concern, I think things will go well for you all.

Westie1
by on Feb. 13, 2012 at 3:13 PM
My counselor told me that the divorce rate among parents of autistic children is around 90%. I can't imagine coming into a relationship with someone who has an autistic child. My husband and I are really struggling to even like each other any more since we began riding this roller coaster called autism with our son. You will have to be a very special and strong person to make your relationship work. If it is worth fighting for then I wish you the best. But don't think it is going to be easy.
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