Hi ladies...
I haven't posted in awhile because lately I've been dealing with emotional and mental problems. I guess it's all been building up since Kaleigh was first diagnosed four years ago and I've been trying to deal with everything on my own. I've been allowing my frustration to overtake me, to the point where I'm screaming at my husband and Kaleigh...and the dog. Just this evening, I got so frustrated with Kaleigh that I shoved her toward her Dad and told him to keep her upstairs with him. I shoved her! He got so angry with me, which he should have. It just came over me you know.... It's like Kaleigh's behavior is pushing me to the limit now, whereas before I could handle it better. She's knocking over chairs, throwing things across the room; she's pushing on things. We finally mounted our tv on the wall and I know it's only a matter of time before she pulls that down. I'm just all of a sudden, within the past few months, not been able to handle it anymore. I'm soooo tired of having a child with special needs! I know she can't help it and it's not her fault but it's turning me into a monster. So I'm calling my job's EAP office tomorrow to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. I never....never thought I'd have to do this but I can't take it anymore. I need to talk to someone before I hurt someone...including myself. You all are the only ones, besides my husband, that I've admitted this to because I know you guys understand. I'm finally succumbing to medication to help me deal with this. It hurts, it really does. I don't like who I'm becoming and it's not fair to Kaleigh. I love her and I don't want to hurt her. So anyway, thanks for reading this.
Hello honey, I wish I were there to give you a real hug. It is so hard and emotional draining sometimes raising a SN child. I am proud of you for realizing you need help. I think medication will really help you get a handle on everything. Stress makes our brain's chemical balance get out of whack. When our brains get chemically imbalanced, we will behave in ways we never though we could. This is not your fault. It is an actually physical imbalance. The medication will bring you back into balance and allow you to handle things the way you wish you could right now.
Part of being a great mom, is realizing when we need help. You are a great mom! HUGS
you are a great mom and a beautiful person. we've all been lost and in your shoes. don't feel bad about getting help. it is a good thing and you will feel so much better and your daughter will be glad when you feel better! god bless and i will be praying for you and your family god bless
reading your post and you saying that you will get help is a great thing. it is very very hard to have a child with special needs, you are only human, we do have breaking points. so please, don't be so hard on your self, you will get help and continue fighting for your dd. hugs
We are all with you on the same journey...it's not an easy one for sure but your daughter is so very lucky to have you as a mom. I am finally learning to take better care of myself for the sake of my daughter. I think of the airplane safety instructions about putting an oxygen mask on ourselves before our child. An easy concept but not so easy to live by for us special needs moms.
Just as we fight daily to break stigma for our children we must apply those same principals to ourselves. There is no shame in getting help :) Also, we have all had one of those days; we are only human and can only take so much. The challenge is to forgive ourselves when we do stumble and reach out for help when we need it.
Hang in there, mama {{{{hugs}}}}
I have been exactly where you are. Don't feel defeated because you think you can't handle everything. Getting help and seeing a psychiatrist or counselor is the first step. Just when you think you can't do or give anymore, you dig deeper and keep going. You are a mother of a special needs child. If you haven't dealt with anything like that, some people just don;t understand. It's hard! I've been that person I don't want to be also. I've gone to counseling for years off and on. I've suffered with depression for years. I take medication. In the beginning, I felt weak, like I couldn't handle my reality. I didn't want to be on meds. I felt like a failure.....as a mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend. I've never been so emotionally drained than when I was first diagnosed with depression and PTSD. Just remember it takes time. Give yourself and break, literally and figuratively. Your daughter needs you more than any other person on this earth. If you have faith in the Lord, pray. A Lot! I'll pray for you, too. If you need to talk, we'll listen.
((hugs)) You are doing the right thing and getting help so that is a big step and then things will start getting better.
I had to see a psychiatrist too and I'm still not "ok" with everything. It's VERY difficult to be the mother of a special needs child. You're not alone in being angry and tired and fed up! The best thing you can do is exactly what you're doing- getting help! (((HUGS))
Check out some of the top posts today in Groups:
Feeling Helpless....LONG
- 4kaleigh
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 9:05 PM