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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I just hit an all time low, and told my autistic child i hated him! :(

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:47 PM
  • 30 Replies

cryingI have been under a ton of stress the past few weeks, not that this is an excuse, its not. Tomorrow we have a man coming to our house to do measurements and stuff for new home insurance. I have three kids, 9, 6, and 5. I told them we have to get the house all clean for the guy to inspect the home tomorrow. So we have to clean house. I put the 5 yr old and 6 yr old in the tub to take a bath. Well I check every few minutes to make sure everything is okay cause the two of them love to play in the tub together and their bath lasts about an hour or so. I check the youngest wants out, my 6 yr old son is like I wanna stay in the tub. Sometimes he wants a longer bath. I take my youngest and quickly dress him and go back to check on the 6 yr old. He took the tube we use to clean out the fish tank, (NOT SURE HOW HE GOT PAST ME TO DO THAT), put it on the sink faucet, put the other end in the tub, has the water running and its all over the floor, he has used his shirt which had dirt on it from playing the yard earlier and wiped his tee all over the walls, so there is MUD everywhere. I have a ton of cleaning still to do, the bathroom down here was all clean, and now I have to redo everything. I start yelling he starts screaming, I tell him to apologize he laughs and says NO I lost my damned temper and said YOU RUIN EVERYTHING I HATE YOU!

I am the WORST FRIGGIN PARENT ON THE PLANET. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT. I could NEVER hate my baby.

by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MyBellaRosey
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM

You lost you cool, it happens. Just make sure to explain to him that you were very upset and didn't mean what you said.

MommaSugar78
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 8:53 PM

I feel awful. I did apologize and told him mommy could never hate him mommy was just mad. I dont know if he understands.

Quoting MyBellaRosey:

You lost you cool, it happens. Just make sure to explain to him that you were very upset and didn't mean what you said.


myfirstborn04
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:00 PM

It happens, my son gets me sometimes, but i know he group hugdoesn't mean the mean stuff he yells at me. As long as you apologise and explain it all to him it will be fine. No ones perfect and we all learn from our mistakes. your an awesome mom and your doing great kids and home running. ((hugs)) best of luck with the inspector.

greenmommo
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:06 PM
I have been right there and caught those exact words right before they come out of my mouth. I understand how terrible you feel about it. Apologize-show him you love him. That's all you can do. We show it every
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ariesmom20
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Same thing that has happened to me before. Being parents of special needs kids are hard. Sometimes we lose our cool. The fact that you felt bad, means that you are a GOOD parent. Hugs

Quoting myfirstborn04:

It happens, my son gets me sometimes, but i know he group hugdoesn't mean the mean stuff he yells at me. As long as you apologise and explain it all to him it will be fine. No ones perfect and we all learn from our mistakes. your an awesome mom and your doing great kids and home running. ((hugs)) best of luck with the inspector.

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TAS2012
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:14 PM

I have been there to and it just rips my heart out when I say things out of frustration and or anger.  After I say it I always make sure to apologize and explain it as easily as I can so my son understands.  Don't beat yourself up.  We are all parents and none of us are perfect.  Hope everything works out.

Russell4607
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:20 PM

It happens to everyone. Today my son was just being very defient and he refused to pick up his toys so I said no video games till he did and he still refused so I told him to go to his room he started hitting and screaming at me so I spanked his little bottom a couple of time and then he stopped and said he was sorry. Yeah mine even got sent home today from daycare for bad behavior.

momtoscott
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

I know it scared you, those words coming out of your mouth.  None of us is perfect.  I have murmured those words more than once to my husband once my son left the room.  Actually murmured is the wrong word: I have snarled them.  DH has said the same to me.  I remember my mom saying the same thing to me after provocation, and I survived, and didn't take her literally.  We know we don't mean the words, but saying them provides a kind of relief.  that's why I recommend saying them to your spouse, who will understand how you mean them. 

And believe me, once your kid becomes a teenager, he will say those same words to you, and he will MEAN them--at the moment. (Yes, it will hurt, but you'll all live through it.)    

ljc123
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 9:43 PM
2 moms liked this

Isn't it amazing how we can know that someone else is in our same boat, does the same thing and we can have all the empathy and tell them the truth, that we are human, and we do and say things we don't mean when we hit a breaking point....and we truly mean it, because it's true...Yet we are so very hard on ourselves.  Try turning this around and think what you would say to someone else in this forum in the same situation. I bet you anything you would be saying the same thing all these other people are telling you. So take that, acknowledge what happened like you have and move on.  That's all we can do. We do the best we can at the time.  Anger is part of life, just as love and forgiveness.  Children forgive so easily, we need to learn from them to forgive ourselves and others just like they do~  Good luck and tomorrow is another day!  Stay strong! I'm sure you are way better than you even think you are!

ROGUEM
by on Apr. 5, 2012 at 10:11 PM
2 moms liked this

 You know by apologizing and explaining how people can say things they don't mean and then him seeing how awful you felt it - you are teaching him an important life lesson.  There are so many people who say and do awful things and never apologize or try to make it right.  We all make mistakes or do or say things we regret, what defines our character is how we handle our mistakes.  You showed your son that yes, while we all fail, it is important to right our wrongs and make amends.  When you son does something wrong in the future he will understand about apologizing and making things right.  He learned today that a person, even his mom, can say something in anger but then you have to apologize and let the other person know how sorry you are. 

We all make mistakes and have bad things happen to us, our children our watching us to see how to handle these situations.  You taught him exactly what the right thing was to do in this situation.  And when he is a teenager and he says something awful, he might just come back in after cooling down and tell you how sorry he is because you taught him that today.

HUGS

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