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Is it my fault that my son is autistic!?!

Posted by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:03 PM
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 I am new to the world of autism and my son was only diagnosed march 6.  I know that we shouldn't try to assign blame but secretly I feel that there is something wrong with me and that my son is this way because of me.  It has me wondering if I am autistic as well.  The reason that I feel this way is because a lot of the behaviors that are common with autism I displayed at a young age.  I wouldn't look people in the eye or face, I was always hiding and staying by myself.  I have a very difficult time speaking to people and suffer from social anxiety a lot.  I have a hard time even understanding peoples behaviors and they never seem to get me either.  I know that right now we need to focus on getting my son help and we are but what if the reason that he is having problems is because I am the problem.  I wonder if anyone else has thought about this when their kids were diagnosed or am I just being weird again.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:03 PM
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by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:12 PM
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first of all welcome to the group  welcomenow i just want you to know

  1. Do not blame anyone esp self/this wont help esp son
  2. there is a genetic connection my sons was heraditary  caused  so if it bugs u get tested.but dont blame self do it to know onlyt and see if there is anything you need help with only!!!
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:39 PM
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Hi & welcome. My name is Shelly and I have a daughter (DD) diagnosed with Aspergers several months back. After learning about it, like you, I realized I have Aspergers too.

You say, maybe
your son is having problems because
you are "the problem." First, people
are never
"the problem." You
would never say
to your son,
so don't be that unkind
yourself either. Chances are that you
inherited it too. Would you blame
your parents for having you?
Probably not. I know it's hard, but
really neither you nor your son are
any different than you were before.
You have challenges ahead, but at least you can make an appropriate road map this way.

The best thing you can do is learn all about Autism and how to help both you and your little one.

We're here to help!
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by Sara on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:40 PM
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You didnt make your son Autistic. You may share this though. Many parents end up going down a path of self discovery along with their children.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:53 PM
I agree evermore if you are asd that doesn't mean blame yourself. You have to be your child's advocate now. This will be a learning experience for yourself and your child. You will learn from each other. This isn't the end its the beginning of a beautiful relationship. With every struggle there will be a new discovery. It may be a bumby ride, but your love and commitment for each other will guide you on your journey. Welcome and hope to hear more from you!
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by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 12:58 PM
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Quoting smarieljlee:

You didnt make your son Autistic. You may share this though. Many parents end up going down a path of self discovery along with their children.

^^^^ THIS. You cannot imagine how many times I have read posts where one or both parents realize they may be on the autism spectrum as well. Do not blame yourself. It could have easily happened with no direct genetic component as it did with my son.

For years, I have wracked my brain, trying to figure out what I did "wrong" because there is NO reason why my son should have autism. No family history, born full term, easy pregnancy and delivery, no prolonged illness (he will be 5 in August and has never had an ear infection!), no adverse reaction to vaccines, etc.

Sometimes it just happens, whether you realize that you yourself might be on the spectrum or not. No one really knows why. If anything, take heart in knowing that you have managed to live with the disorder and cope with it, so that means your son can too! :-)

Please try to avoid the pitfalls I have so often found myself in. It really doesn't do any good. I totally understand where you are coming from, though. The dx is new and you need time to sort out your feelings and emotions.

Coming here is a good start!


by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 1:27 PM
Things will get better, i promise. I found out i habe aspergers after my son was diagnosed. You go through a grieving process, but you come out stronger than ever. It just takes a little time. These kids are a blessing and whether or not its in our genes, it wont stop me from having another child.... I think were awesome!!! And happy. Very happy.
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 2:07 PM

 No, it is not your fault.  And yes, many of us blame ourselves at first--it is natural, but useless.  It's not going to change anything, just make it harder for you to get the energy to work with your son.  However, if you truly are on the spectrum, what you learn in order to help your child may also help you understand yourself better, and you may be able to funtion a little bit better, as well. 

by Emma on Apr. 15, 2012 at 2:17 PM

IT's not your fault.

And, It's very common for an adult who got missed as a child, or slipped the cracks to be diagnosed around the same time their children are, or get noticed by the people who are interviewing their kids and suggest the parents look into it too.

That's how my brother got diagnosed in his 30's.... when his son was diagnosed.

My son and i are both going through the process of being diagnosed, but in my case it's FAR more obvious what was wrong with me - my family just didn't take me to the right people growing up.

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 6:26 PM


by Silver Member on Apr. 15, 2012 at 7:01 PM
I know how you feel. I have autism in my family an I didn't realize that it could happen to my son.

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