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What am I gona do??? I cant take it anymore!

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:29 PM
  • 13 Replies

i am nates stepmom. nate and i were very close until his mom took him away because she was jealious and ran me down to him. When she got tired of him she brought him back 2 weeks later and ever sense then it has been a night mare. he gets in my face tells me he doesnt have to mind me cuz mom said. He calls me names and disrespects me on a daily basis. his dad does nothing to him so there is no consecences for his actions. i dont want him to spank him i was thinking like send him to his room for the evening or something. but he doesnt then tells me i need counciling so that i can learn to understand nate. i probably need help understanding nate but what i need is his father to stand with me. i dont no what to do. i love my husband but im so ready to lock myself in a closet away from them. i keep hoping he will listen to me but nothing is changing its only geting worse. someone please help me..... 

by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ColleenMarie81
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:37 PM

i wish you luck i have a lot of the same thing going on and i would recommend family counseling   and finding what works you can discipline him as long as your hubby does not undermine you

Austinsmom4544
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:41 PM

I hope things get better for you soon.  My son and I attend counseling and it has helped a lot. 


jerrycrystal
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:41 PM

thank you he does sometimes or he just makes excuses for nate and tells me i need to chill. no one is alllowed to disrespect me. i just dont no. hubby doesnt listen nate doesnt listen im just ready to pack and leave. it would be easier...

Sheriff6
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:42 PM
First of all you need to take a deep breathe! Second of all let Nates Father do the discipline because you are the step mom.

If he is disrespectful I would in a very calm voice tell him that it is not acceptable and that you will not ingage in conversation when he is disrespectful. He will eventually need something from you and when he dose I would remind him of what happened earlier and then ask him to apologize and then whatever his request is help out.

Hope this might help. Hugs
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jerrycrystal
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:44 PM

nates father doesnt do anthing thats the problem. i cant do this everyday. he screams at me threatens me and calls me a b?#@$. I have been dealing with this for a long time and i finally reached my limit.

jerrycrystal
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:47 PM

we used to be so close... i want that back but its gone and its geting worse

ROGUEM
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:52 PM

 Hello and Welcome.  My name is Michelle and I have 3 boys on the spectrum.  I am so sorry his mother put you in this difficult situation.  I think you are going to have to get serious with your husband.  This is not an autism issue, this is a disrespect issue and it will get worse if it is not addressed.  Your stepson has learned that he can treat you badly and his dad will not make him stop. So his by allowing it his dad has basically saying it is okay to talk to you this way and treat you disrespectfully.

I will be the first person to say our children need understanding and accommodations in some areas.  But we do them a real disservice if we don't hold them to the standards of courtesy and respect if they can cognitively understand them.  Babying and allowing bad behavior is not doing them a favor and your stepson is learning he can treat women poorly.

I know you love your husband, but honey you are going to have to get through to him.  Autistic children learn something and it becomes routine and set in stone.  If he is allowed to continue to treat you badly it will become routine and a set behavior which will become very hard to break.

If you feel your husband will not listen to you because he doubts you understand autism then I would make an appointment with a counselor and/ or buy a book on Autism and discipline.  I guarantee you any book on disciplining an autistic child would back you up on the fact that he needs to treat you with respect.

You can't be a stepparent if you aren't allowed to help raise him which includes disciplining him and making him respect you.  Loving a child means you have to discipline them and raise them to grow up to be a good adult.  Autistic children need discipline and rules just like any other child.  Your husband wouldn't allow him to talk to you like that if he wasn't autistic, then by the same token he shouldn't because he has autism.

Hugs, I hope you can talk to your husband and get him to understand, he is not helping you and he is definitely not helping his son.

Momof5Boys610
by Ann on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this
How old is Nate? If it were me in your shoes, I would issue an ultimatum to your husband. Tell him u love him and Nate but you will not accept this from either of them anymore. Either he steps up and handles his son, and tries to get some help for ALL of you together or you are out of there.

You should not have to put up with this abuse from your stepson and if your DH loves and respects you, then he shouldn't be allowing this behavior.

I'm sorry for all you are going through. You don't deserve to be treated this way by either of them. I will pray for your strength and courage to do what you think is right.
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jerrycrystal
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:00 PM

Thank you roguem. I apperciate your honesty. But unfortunatly i cant seem to get through to him. I will keep trying but im probably not going to get anywhere. For over a year now thishas been going onand its always my fault for "not understanding his autism, asburgers, and mmr." I am a strong woman and im sure i will be fine without him. It kills me because i love nate very much and i hurt for the special relationship we lost. His dad will figure it out sooner or later or he will lose his relationship with nate to. itsstarting to spill over onto his dad. He has started yelling at his father now. Soon it will be out of control and i cant bare to see it.

jerrycrystal
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:02 PM

nate is 15

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