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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

DH overthinks things too much

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:03 AM
  • 11 Replies

So he watched that video of the dad who had his son bugged. Now he's paranoid and wondering if our son's teacher could be doing that. I tell him to knock it off and quit finding fault with her.

First of all, she has an 11 year old daughter with autism (she's mostly non-verbal, so I assume that would be classic?). Would she really mistreat her students, her special needs students, when she has her own daughter who's special needs?

Secondly, unlike that child (the dad's son Akian), my son is verbal and he can express when he's being mistreated. When he was at this one daycare, I knew something was going on, my instincts kicked in and he told me he was being hit. 

Now there are times when he gets a little upset with his teacher (what kid doesn't from time to time?), but for the most part he always looks forward to going to school and he does like her.

If she (or any of the aides) were mistreating him, don't you think he would have expressed something by now?

He just starts seeing things that are not even there! I know he worries, I worry too, but I know this is a time where he does not need to worry.

by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
kajira
by Emma on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:12 AM
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actually - a parent who has an autistic child MIGHT respond to someone else's child worse. it just depends - just because they love their own child, doesn't mean they'd love yours.

thatgirl70
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:16 AM


Quoting kajira:

actually - a parent who has an autistic child MIGHT respond to someone else's child worse. it just depends - just because they love their own child, doesn't mean they'd love yours.

True. I know I generally don't like other people's kids. But I trust my instincts too.

But DH always likes to think the worst of people.

Austinsmom4544
by Silver Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 7:48 AM
1 mom liked this

My son is very verbal also but he couldn't find the words to tell me when he was upset with a new program the school had started.  If it would make your husband feel better I don't see a problem with it.  It would be better to know than wondering.


momtoscott
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 7:57 AM
1 mom liked this

 Your DH is probably worried for no reason.  But...the teacher who bullied my DS had a child on the spectrum herself, and my son is quite verbal.  He didn't talk to me about the things that were said to him because he was embarrassed; he has always been very reluctant to talk to me about things like that because (like many bullied kids), part of him thinks that what is said is true, if he is being called stupid or ugly, etc.  So it can happen. 

I think it's wonderful that your husband is so protective, though, as long as things don't get too crazy from it. 

thatgirl70
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 11:48 AM

I don't mind that he's protective, I just get irritated at the distrust. Not just this teacher, but daycare workers, whoever. 

And partially his reason for this particular distrust is because she is Asian. Now I wouldn't say he's prejudiced, because he's a fairly open-minded guy. But he said it's because every Asain he's ever heard of has always been very rigid and strict. I tell him "Way to go with stereotyping!" 


mallowcup17
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:18 PM

my DH is the same way about hispanics and i dont understand why at all. like  yours hes open minded but has this edge about him when he discusses that one group of people. it really bugs me :(

Quoting thatgirl70:

I don't mind that he's protective, I just get irritated at the distrust. Not just this teacher, but daycare workers, whoever. 

And partially his reason for this particular distrust is because she is Asian. Now I wouldn't say he's prejudiced, because he's a fairly open-minded guy. But he said it's because every Asain he's ever heard of has always been very rigid and strict. I tell him "Way to go with stereotyping!" 



Siobhan69
by Siobhan on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I totally agree with Kajira's post. You never know how they will treat your child, doesn't matter that their child is autistic, it might even be a reason to abuse your son. By that I mean if she has been frustrated with her own child she might take it out on your child. So all of that being said we do have to trust the teachers and hope that our child would tell us if something wasn't right. Also look for signs that they are being abused. It sounds like you son is happy at school and with his teacher. 

kajira
by Emma on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:44 PM

For the record - I understand your son's feelings. when I grew up and tried to talk about people treating me bad, it made everyone treat me WORSE instead of better because I couldn't get the story out clearly - so then I was accused of lying and being treated worse.

Anyways, yes, as an adult, my husbands the only person I really confide in like that because he's the only person who will take the time to piece together what i'm trying to say with me to understand what i'm saying and not just the words that are coming out in a jumbled mess and in no clear pattern or context or concepts.

your son's experience is a lot like mine - and why i work so hard to get my son to talk to me about things that are bothering him. I think it's great your son tries to tell you whats going on even if he's feeling embarassed.

my son actually calls the feeling "shy" when he's embarassed.

he threw a toy last night and hit dad in the knee - he freaked out - and I talked to him until he calmed down and told him he had to apologize for hitting dad, even if it was an accident and he wasn't trouble, but the right thing to do was apologize for the chicken hitting dad in the knee.

He went out, sat down, stared really hard at dad, then finally said "I'm feeling too shy to say anything"

I then had a long talk with my husband about how my son uses language, and since I video taped the whole incident from the ground - I was able to tell my husband what actually happened, not "what appeared" to happen.


Quoting momtoscott:

 Your DH is probably worried for no reason.  But...the teacher who bullied my DS had a child on the spectrum herself, and my son is quite verbal.  He didn't talk to me about the things that were said to him because he was embarrassed; he has always been very reluctant to talk to me about things like that because (like many bullied kids), part of him thinks that what is said is true, if he is being called stupid or ugly, etc.  So it can happen. 

I think it's wonderful that your husband is so protective, though, as long as things don't get too crazy from it. 


Blog writer/author : Outside the box thinking The Quirky Kitty 



kajira
by Emma on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:49 PM

hahaha by definition... most asian families tend to be more strict - I dated an asian boy once who's family came from hong kong and omg, his home life. his mom was neurotic - and I guess he told me that most asian families he knew were like that, including back in hong kong. LOL

sterotypes are unfortantely a sterotype because there's enough truth to them. it's not fair to apply it to everyone individually... but as a whole collective group, that's why sterotypes happen.

Quoting thatgirl70:

I don't mind that he's protective, I just get irritated at the distrust. Not just this teacher, but daycare workers, whoever. 

And partially his reason for this particular distrust is because she is Asian. Now I wouldn't say he's prejudiced, because he's a fairly open-minded guy. But he said it's because every Asain he's ever heard of has always been very rigid and strict. I tell him "Way to go with stereotyping!" 



Blog writer/author : Outside the box thinking The Quirky Kitty 



thatgirl70
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 1:22 PM

My DH can be that way about anyone at times. Like I said, he's not the most trusting person. Heck, he even thinks an actor must be like the character they portray, because why else would they play such a character. I know, weird, right?

Anyway, now the teacher's husband might fit that stereotype for all I know. I've met him a couple of times and he seemed very stiff, very rigid, never smiled. Of course that doesn't mean anything, but if I had to go by those two appearances, I'd probably think the same thing.

Quoting mallowcup17:

my DH is the same way about hispanics and i dont understand why at all. like  yours hes open minded but has this edge about him when he discusses that one group of people. it really bugs me :(

Quoting thatgirl70:

I don't mind that he's protective, I just get irritated at the distrust. Not just this teacher, but daycare workers, whoever. 

And partially his reason for this particular distrust is because she is Asian. Now I wouldn't say he's prejudiced, because he's a fairly open-minded guy. But he said it's because every Asain he's ever heard of has always been very rigid and strict. I tell him "Way to go with stereotyping!" 




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