Normally, I consider myself a good writer, but when it comes to describing my son, I just cannot find the correct way of putting him into words. I honestly feel like that is causing the huge meltdown/ shutdown that I am feeling right now.
This week has been a true nightmare in my world! Instead of making progress, Stephen is having one of those weeks where his issues have completely taken over. I look at him and don't even see my child! He has physically hurt me over and over this week, looked straight into my husband and my face with clenched teeth and screamed over and over, we can't get him to cooperate with anything at all, his impatience has trippled, he is constantly hurting our little dog, he is staying in trouble at school, refusing to do homework, and I could go on and on.
This type of week really gets me thinking about his various stages that he goes through. How can he be so incredible for a day, sometimes even a week, and then something triggers this behavior and he cannot transition back on his own. When I calmly explain to him the reasoning behind his discipline, his face is totally blank, he gets right back up, and continues in these harmful behaviors.
We are four weeks away from the last day of school. I am so scared he is going to be held back in kindergarten. That is fine if he needs this academically, but what will this do to him emotionally? Seeing all of his classmates move on, and him not being able to? This happened to him for three years in Pre-K, because he just wasn't ready to move, but at that time, he was too young to notice. He will absolutely know this year!
Because he doesn't have an official dx (we are still on what appears to be a ginormous waiting list), the school tested him and says he doesn't need an IEP, but something just isn't clicking with him. Something isn't the right fit for him. I absolutely LOVE his teachers (two teachers and an aid), but I am afraid because of no dx that they think he is just some type of mean kid. I swear, that is not the case. He is kind, loving, and has the knowledge to do his work, But with Stephen, it is all on HIS time, and not anyone else's, and when he has this type of day or week, or however long it lasts, sometimes it is not at all!
And then when I get an email back from his main teacher saying that Stephen can do the work as long as someone stands by him, and she says that he is completely capable of doing his work, I have to ask myself if it has been me all along setting too high of standards for him. Should I remember that he is only six years old? The problem with that is he is my only child, and I really don't TRULY know what levels a six year old should be on.
Oh my gosh, I swear I could just scream and cry! I just talked to my husband and told him that I honestly need a therapist for myself! He is perfectly fine with that, because although he does not "get" Stephen's condition, and has limited patience with him, he knows that I am basically Stephen's sole care giver, and if I lose it completely, he will have to step up. Sad but true.
Thanks for reading, I just really needed to get this off my chest before it exploded!
Stephensmom0629 aka Robin
http://www.whatmylordhasdonenow.blogspot.com/
First of all, most schools don't want to do an IEP if they can get away with it. Did they do an extensive testing on him? This would include tests named Weschlers, or ADOS, or Gillian? They would also do a psychological work up and usually some type of IQ test. If not, then demand it because they can not decide who needs an IEP without formal testing.
Does your son see a psychiatrist? or a behaviorist? You don't need a dx of autism to start him on some therapies. With the behaviors you listed above, something is definitely going on. Whether it is autism, Learning delays, or ODD (oppositional defiance disoder), or another disorder only testing will determine. I hope you get some answers soon.
Big Hugs to you!
oh mom. I want you to know, that even though I don't know you, I am praying for you.
As for him being held back, I would think about it and explain it to Stephen this way: "Sometimes we all need some extra time to finish something. If he (you) is held back, its not because of his abilities, he's really smart, its that you're having trouble right now, and you need a some extra time and support. The important thing in life is not whether you're delayed (or detoured) its that you keep moving forward. Comparing yourself to other people is stupid because there is only one you. There is no comparison to you. You are the only you there is.
There is always someone is doing better than you and there is always someone who is doing worse than you are. The important thing is that you do your best because that's all anyone (including yourself) can ask of you."
If he is held back, he probably (may?) will notice. But its not the first set back he is going to have and it won't be the last. We all have set backs (regardless of whether we have ASD or not)
I would just make sure that his teachers know that even if he doesn't have an official dx that he probably has an ASD.
I would encourage you to cry. Cry and pray to God and cry and pray some more. I know thats the only way I know how to stay centered.
God Bless and i wish you well
First mama hugs. I have learned that autism is called a puzzle because its like you found this cool puzzle at the thrift store you get home and you get all the pieces put together but wait! There is a missing piece so you search for it and each time you think its done more pieces are missing. And that is fine we love our kids and I think special kids are angels that god took a long time to find just the right mama for.
My son redid kindergarten in fact that is when I decided to home school him because if I was going to fight him tooth and nail at least it could be on my terms not at 7 at night when he was tired and was not ready for the day to be over. I am barb if you need me PM me hugs mama we are all on this road together you just need a little help and that is what this group is for
Thank you so much for this advice! I didn't even know where to start, but now I do! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Quoting ROGUEM:
First of all, most schools don't want to do an IEP if they can get away with it. Did they do an extensive testing on him? This would include tests named Weschlers, or ADOS, or Gillian? They would also do a psychological work up and usually some type of IQ test. If not, then demand it because they can not decide who needs an IEP without formal testing.
Does your son see a psychiatrist? or a behaviorist? You don't need a dx of autism to start him on some therapies. With the behaviors you listed above, something is definitely going on. Whether it is autism, Learning delays, or ODD (oppositional defiance disoder), or another disorder only testing will determine. I hope you get some answers soon.
Big Hugs to you!
((Hugs)) FIrst off its true most schools will not do an IEP if they can get away with it. Without an IEP the less services they have to provide. With only 4 weeks left of the school year I would push this issue now. Praying for you and your family that things get better soon :)
Thank you for your response! You guys are amazing!
Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:
oh mom. I want you to know, that even though I don't know you, I am praying for you.
As for him being held back, I would think about it and explain it to Stephen this way: "Sometimes we all need some extra time to finish something. If he (you) is held back, its not because of his abilities, he's really smart, its that you're having trouble right now, and you need a some extra time and support. The important thing in life is not whether you're delayed (or detoured) its that you keep moving forward. Comparing yourself to other people is stupid because there is only one you. There is no comparison to you. You are the only you there is.
There is always someone is doing better than you and there is always someone who is doing worse than you are. The important thing is that you do your best because that's all anyone (including yourself) can ask of you."
If he is held back, he probably (may?) will notice. But its not the first set back he is going to have and it won't be the last. We all have set backs (regardless of whether we have ASD or not)
I would just make sure that his teachers know that even if he doesn't have an official dx that he probably has an ASD.
I would encourage you to cry. Cry and pray to God and cry and pray some more. I know thats the only way I know how to stay centered.
God Bless and i wish you well
I will probably take you up on your offer! Thanks Barb!
Quoting Homeschoolmom99:
First mama hugs. I have learned that autism is called a puzzle because its like you found this cool puzzle at the thrift store you get home and you get all the pieces put together but wait! There is a missing piece so you search for it and each time you think its done more pieces are missing. And that is fine we love our kids and I think special kids are angels that god took a long time to find just the right mama for.
My son redid kindergarten in fact that is when I decided to home school him because if I was going to fight him tooth and nail at least it could be on my terms not at 7 at night when he was tired and was not ready for the day to be over. I am barb if you need me PM me hugs mama we are all on this road together you just need a little help and that is what this group is for
Thank you! I truly appreciate the prayers! God is awesome and my rock!
Quoting Austinsmom4544:
((Hugs)) FIrst off its true most schools will not do an IEP if they can get away with it. Without an IEP the less services they have to provide. With only 4 weeks left of the school year I would push this issue now. Praying for you and your family that things get better soon :)
Stephensmom0629 aka Robin
http://www.whatmylordhasdonenow.blogspot.com/
I am definitely going to find a good therapist for me! If I am not mentally sound, how do I expect myself to take care of that precious boy???
Quoting Leobaby2007:
(((HUGS)). I agree. Get yourself some help- a therapist, medication- whatever works. This is HARD and takes its toll on all of us Mamas! XO
That's it I did it.. Help worried momma
- Stephensmom0629
on Apr. 27, 2012 at 1:35 PM