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I dont know what to do

Posted by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:07 PM
  • 12 Replies

My daughter is diagnosed with Autism. I feel as her mother that I did something to cause it, I feel as if I have to explain whats wrong with her when we are in public. And I had so many plans for her, and I feel as if she cant do those things.

I dont know what to do. And I feel bad for saying and thinking the things that I do.

by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
3Dani75
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:30 PM

I think almost all of us go through that when we get a diagnosis. Don't feel bad! It is not your fault! Simply saying "She has autism/is autistic" is enough but you dont even have to do that. You never know what she will be able to do, she may even excel in an area you would never expect. Love her and do whatever you need to do to get the services she needs as soon as you can, always the best idea. How old is she & when was she diagnosed? I feel for you, believe me, it was a shock when my son was diagnosed. He's almost 10 now & was around 4 when we got the news.(kinda later than is recommended but unfortunately his father wouldn't allow testing sooner-didn't want to admit there was something wrong) Good luck!

marvac110
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:35 PM

My daughter is 5 years old, she was just diagnosed in April. I am trying to find help in dealing with badbehavior and I not really getting any help. She also has a self stimming behavior that she has and I dont know what to do, besides letting her do it.

I cry every night looking and hoping that I can deal and help her.



marvac110
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:44 PM

BUMP!

Kittie26
by on May. 2, 2012 at 9:51 PM

Hi, how old is your daughter? How severe is her autism? You are currently in the first stage after finding out about autism -- grieving. You are grieving the child that might have been and looking for someone to blame. There is no one to blame, trust me. What you need to do now is allow yourself grieving time, then do all you can to research autism and what it will mean for your family and get her into therapies asap. You will better understand your daughter and get her help to function in mainstream society, if that's one of your goals. You can cry for what might have been, but then you absolutely have to pick yourself on what IS. Your daughter is counting on you.

marvac110
by on May. 2, 2012 at 10:12 PM

Thank you ladies for your words of encouragement it means alot. So many people dont understand what I am going thru.  They think I am disappointed in my daughter, and I am truly blessed to have her in my life. But I worry about how people will treat her when I am not there with her and having to explain her behavior to strangers while they give her strange looks.

kajira
by Emma on May. 2, 2012 at 10:21 PM

So I'm almost 27 years old - and my son and I are in the process of being diagnosed - I have a wonderful husand, and 2 lovely children.

Just because you get an autism label, does not mean she won't have a future. :) She will just have to work harder for it - and it will be that much more rewarding when she gets what she wants in life.


Quoting marvac110:

Thank you ladies for your words of encouragement it means alot. So many people dont understand what I am going thru.  They think I am disappointed in my daughter, and I am truly blessed to have her in my life. But I worry about how people will treat her when I am not there with her and having to explain her behavior to strangers while they give her strange looks.


ROGUEM
by on May. 2, 2012 at 11:29 PM

Don't sell her short.  People on the spectrum can do amazing things.  Yes, some things can be more challenging but I have yet to met an autistic person who didn't have some talent or ability that other people don't have.  Her future is unwritten, and with therapies and support now she may one day surpass the future you originally dreamed for her.  I have 3 boys on the spectrum and they give me so much love and happiness.  Each one has abilities that amaze me every day.  I don't dwell on the future much.  I have today and I just do the best I can with today :)

Hilary799
by Member on May. 2, 2012 at 11:43 PM

Continue to look up what you can...google support groups etc in your area. It's tough, we've all blamed ourselves at one point or another, but it does no good. Doesn't stop me from doing it...but you know what I mean. Things are going to get better. Just remember, you are her advocate!! And if people give her weird looks, ignore it unless they say something rude. You're not alone! hugs

steph2884
by on May. 3, 2012 at 1:26 AM

The things you are feeling is normal. Most of us go through these stages and these feelings. It is a grieving process, and you have to give yourself time to go through it. You didn't do anything wrong. Just take it a day at a time, and you'll get through it! There is nothing wrong with your daughter, she is just different. Don't think you have to explain her behavior or her diagnosis with anyone in public. People will think whatever they want to think, no matter what you say. Just take your time right now, and try not to get overwhelmed with everything.

philipmommy4834
by Bronze Member on May. 3, 2012 at 5:50 AM

It's ok to be sad for a while.  Sometimes we have to revise our dreams we have for our child.  Try to remember that you don't always have to change her.  Trying the best you can to accept her limitations or behaviors goes a long way.  It takes a long time.  I still cringe when my son stims and things but I try to remember that is part of who he is.  Its hard to see now but ultimately kids with autism make us better people.  Looking for support groups is really helpful.

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