Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

These are SOOO true!  I just had to share!  :)

Today's guest blogger is Katie Olson (aurorabunny), mom to 3-year old Brody, who has autism.

Every week, Katie shares the ongoing struggles and triumphs that often come with parenting a child with special needs. This week she shares 10 common myths about autism.

  bamsmom2001 wrote this.  I wanted to share it with all of you.

Myth #1: Eye contact is impossible for someone with autism.
Some people with autism find making eye contact with others difficult, but others have no problem whatsoever.

Myth #2: People with autism can't show affection.
My son is the biggest snuggle bug ever! Being able to snuggle up has never been a problem for him. For some, it is, but not all.

Myth #3: If a child is progressing, he never had autism.
This is not true. It takes work and patience, but progress is possible!

Myth #4: People with autism cannot communicate.
If someone with autism is nonverbal, they have other ways of communicating. Sign language, pictures, computers, etc. are all forms of communication. Just because a person can't talk, it doesn't mean they can't communicate.

Myth #5: Autism is the result of bad or neglectful parenting.
The "refrigerator mother" myth has been around for some time, and I'm actually surprised it still exists. Almost every parent of a child with autism I've met is very kind, loving, and incredibly patient. They also spend much of their time feeling needlessly guilty about their child's autism, so this myth is less than helpful.

Myth #6: If you have autism, you can repeat the whole phone book or know what day of the week April 23 will fall on in 4 years.
While most children with autism are very smart, an autistic savant is rare. We can all thank the movie Rainman for this little myth. So in the future, please do not ask a mom to get her kid to perform parlor tricks for you.

Myth #7: Children with autism do not want friends.
All children want friends. Some can show this is a better way than others, but I think all children want a friend. Alot of kids with autism just can't figure out how to go about it.

Myth #8: Kids with autism don't get their feelings hurt.
If you've ever seen my son's face after a kid has refused to play with him, you'd know this is not true. They might not get mad and yell at someone, or sit down and cry over it, but it's just as easy to hurt a child with autism's feelings as any other. Please remind your children to be kind.

Myth #9: Better discipline would get their acts together.
Boy, do I love that one! I've been told on many occasions that all I need to do is spank him. Another good one, "Let me keep him for a few days, I'll fix him." You can't spank or yell autism away any easier than you can spank cancer away.

Myth # 10: If a person with autism can't communicate, he can't understand you either.
If someone tapes your mouth closed, do your ears plug up as well? Comprehension skills and expressive skills can develop at different speeds and often do with autism. Just because a child can not say "I love you" does not mean he doesn't hear you when you tell him you love him.


by on May. 5, 2012 at 9:41 PM
Replies (11-19):
kajira
by Emma on May. 7, 2012 at 2:10 AM

yeah. tell me about it. my son's 8 and I hear the same thing "but he's so verbal, and he does X and he does x"


Okay - well, I *had* a houseguest who got to see his tantrums - who said he needed some serious discipline for them - I wanted to explain what was wrong with him, but at the time, I didn't know "autism" = meltdowns the way he did them. I know better now - I wish i could have looked him in the eye and said "he's autistic, I'm sorry - I realize this is annoying for you, but it's equally embarassing for me that he does them!"

Quoting lilfishbigocean:

 My DD2 (22 months) has not yet been diagnosed, she has an appointment in August. She does work with Early Intervention for Speech - she can't talk too great, but she is talking! Her problem is not knowing how to use her words, to get what she wants - instead, she just screams. She also has an OT for sensory issues. She "failed" the M-CHAT at the beginning of the year, and she didn't score too great on the ADOS -- That being said, all signs are saying "Autism is what it is". I have people tell me all the time, "There's no WAY she's autistic! She's boucing all over the walls, she'll look you in the eye, and she's talking!" All I have to say to that is that they don't get to see the MAJOR temper tantrums, the constant screaming, head-banging to the point where she leaves bruises, spinning/running in circles, doing repetitive tasks. I'm at my wits end, I'm trying to be the most involved that I can be, but some days - man, it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning. We have started doing a little bit of ABA, and she seems to be doing pretty well with it. 
This definately shed a little light on the whole situation. Thanks for sharing :)


momtoscott
by on May. 7, 2012 at 6:20 AM

People will always find a way to try to blame it on the mother.  

Dads never get implicated, for whatever reason.  

All of it sucks.  

Quoting kajira:

i've been told the opposite, that my attachment style parenting is the reason my son is "differnet" ... that if I didn't breastfeed, or hold my kids, they'd be normal.

Quoting momtoscott:

 I hate the savant one.  It devalues the progress our kids make when they are good at something, and assumes they can do things just because they come naturally and don't have to work at them.  The refrigerator mother, the he doesn't really have autism if he can talk, and the friends don't matter to him bc he's autistic all drive me crazy. 


 

Jean2

Aspiemom0203
by on May. 7, 2012 at 6:28 AM
Thank you! It's nice to listen to other parents and know they agree. I wish I knew more parents. There is a group in my area, but DS refuses to go. Until him, I was as clueless as all the above on the list. He was the only person I was aware of with it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LIMom1105
by Silver Member on May. 7, 2012 at 8:10 AM
Quoting lilfishbigocean:

 My DD2 (22 months) has not yet been diagnosed, she has an appointment in August. She does work with Early Intervention for Speech - she can't talk too great, but she is talking! Her problem is not knowing how to use her words, to get what she wants - instead, she just screams. She also has an OT for sensory issues. She "failed" the M-CHAT at the beginning of the year, and she didn't score too great on the ADOS -- That being said, all signs are saying "Autism is what it is". I have people tell me all the time, "There's no WAY she's autistic! She's boucing all over the walls, she'll look you in the eye, and she's talking!" All I have to say to that is that they don't get to see the MAJOR temper tantrums, the constant screaming, head-banging to the point where she leaves bruises, spinning/running in circles, doing repetitive tasks. I'm at my wits end, I'm trying to be the most involved that I can be, but some days - man, it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning. We have started doing a little bit of ABA, and she seems to be doing pretty well with it. This definately shed a little light on the whole situation. Thanks for sharing :)




I read recently that many children who have Aspergers or PDD NOS do not score high enough on the ADOS. It's a good tool, but it's geared more for diagnoses of Kanner autism. My son did not score high enough on this either, but he was still given a PDD NOS diagnosis. The psychologist based this upon all observations, play with his class and one on one. The last day, he asked me to come play with him (to see if there was a big difference). He did better, but his play style was still atypical. He alo based this upon the questionnaires his teachers and I completed.

In retrospect, we were lucky. I hear of people with a child like him who fight for years for a diagnosis. If your child is in daycare, I would ask for a classroom observation. That might make all the difference. Good luck!
RockinMama0608
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:24 AM

Wow....

Quoting kajira:

i've been told the opposite, that my attachment style parenting is the reason my son is "differnet" ... that if I didn't breastfeed, or hold my kids, they'd be normal.





TristansMom440
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:24 AM

OMGosh, I have heard all of these, but what irritates me is my in-laws are ALWAYS bugging my DS to perform parlor tricks!!  Yes, my son knows alot and in "some" ways IS like Rainman.  But that's not ALL of who he is!!  He really just wants you to play with him and his toys...not constantly be nagged for mathematical equations!!  He gets irritated with them and holds his head and starts crying...UGH!

Myth #6: If you have autism, you can repeat the whole phone book or know what day of the week April 23 will fall on in 4 years.
While most children with autism are very smart, an autistic savant is rare. We can all thank the movie Rainman for this little myth. So in the future, please do not ask a mom to get her kid to perform parlor tricks for you.


lilfishbigocean
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Nope, no daycare yet.
Quick back story:: Shes 22 months. At 2 1/2 months, she had her first double ear infection. She had 1-2 every single month, until 15 months. (I know, WTH!?, Yeah.) She was hitting a few milestones here and there, but she wasn't really doing "bad", enough for us to be "overly" concerned. We moved, I got her into another ENT, he said "Screw that, let's do tubes." She started doing a bit better, and then we were noticing that she was really behind. So honestly, she could be "fine" or "not fine". I don't want to just chalk up her delays to not being able to hear for the first year of her life. (She passed her newborn screening, but after all those infections they said it was like listening to someone talk underwater -that's how she was hearing all the time). My DH seems to think that she just has a bad case of the (and I quote) "Baby-I-Don't-Give-A-F*ck-Syndrome". Being that we already work with Early Intervention, and granted, she is doing better- but she's still behind. I don't want to just wait until she goes to school to figure out what is going on. I want to be able to get her as much help/therapies as we can..
Back to why we don't daycare:: When she has temper-tantrums, she will literally throw her self to the floor, and/or literally smash her head on whatever is closest. If you are trying to put her down, and she's having a fit, as soon as you put her feet on the floor, she throws herself backwards, arches her back, and you basically drop her (obviously on accident). So when I put her down, I have to just lay her on the floor, and walk away. If you are trying to hold her hand/arm while she's having a fit, she will start to scream, kick, and twist her arm to get away from you, to the point where if you don't just let go and let her fall, she'll snap her collarbone.. She knows/says a lot of words, but she can't figure out how to use them to get what she wants, so she basically screams all day long..--- That being said, I don't really "trust" the daycares to "handle" her. I've got a few friends, so I try to get them over here with their kids quite often, this way she can atleast be sociable. Even still, she won't really play with them. She would rather stand there and watch the kid, rather than get on the floor and play with 'em. It also helps that I do have a 4 year old DD, so atleast she's around another kid all day long.

Thanks for listening. Wow, I feel like a weight has been lifted!

Quoting LIMom1105:

Quoting lilfishbigocean:

 My DD2 (22 months) has not yet been diagnosed, she has an appointment in August. She does work with Early Intervention for Speech - she can't talk too great, but she is talking! Her problem is not knowing how to use her words, to get what she wants - instead, she just screams. She also has an OT for sensory issues. She "failed" the M-CHAT at the beginning of the year, and she didn't score too great on the ADOS -- That being said, all signs are saying "Autism is what it is". I have people tell me all the time, "There's no WAY she's autistic! She's boucing all over the walls, she'll look you in the eye, and she's talking!" All I have to say to that is that they don't get to see the MAJOR temper tantrums, the constant screaming, head-banging to the point where she leaves bruises, spinning/running in circles, doing repetitive tasks. I'm at my wits end, I'm trying to be the most involved that I can be, but some days - man, it's hard to even get out of bed in the morning. We have started doing a little bit of ABA, and she seems to be doing pretty well with it. This definately shed a little light on the whole situation. Thanks for sharing :)




I read recently that many children who have Aspergers or PDD NOS do not score high enough on the ADOS. It's a good tool, but it's geared more for diagnoses of Kanner autism. My son did not score high enough on this either, but he was still given a PDD NOS diagnosis. The psychologist based this upon all observations, play with his class and one on one. The last day, he asked me to come play with him (to see if there was a big difference). He did better, but his play style was still atypical. He alo based this upon the questionnaires his teachers and I completed.

In retrospect, we were lucky. I hear of people with a child like him who fight for years for a diagnosis. If your child is in daycare, I would ask for a classroom observation. That might make all the difference. Good luck!

 

TristansMom440
by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:26 AM

Oh and my MIL and SIL are ALWAYS using #3!!!  Yes, he is progressing in his speech and social skills....but he STILL HAS AUTISM!!  Grrrrr........

KickButtMama
by on May. 7, 2012 at 9:10 AM
1 mom liked this
I add one - Autism can be cured! Thus drives me crazy. Kids w/ autism can sometimes learn to mimic 'normal' behaviors, but they Still Have Autism!
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN