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help with discipline please!!

Posted by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:43 AM
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my son has autistic tendencies (the doctor doesnt want to say that he is autistic) the biggest problem that we have with him is discipling him.. he will get a warning that he is doing something wrong or not doing what he is supposed to do, and he is told what will happen if he doesnt follow the rules. if it gets to the point where the consequences need to happen, he is absolutely confused and does not understand why he is being punished. he is 4 and i have a 6 year old daughter. right now they have the same rules and consequences because i dont know how else i can respond to him when he is not following the rules. and i cannot NOT respond because then my 6 year old wants to know why she gets punished for doing or not doing the exact same things. if this makes sense to anyone and you can offer advice i would greatly appreciate it. thank you

by on May. 9, 2012 at 10:43 AM
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ceci420
by on May. 9, 2012 at 11:56 AM
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I put my son in time out if he does not follow the rules, but not all the time if I see that he does not understand what he is doing is wrong I wont.  But he does through tantrums because he does not get what he wants and that's when I put him in time out.  You may have to talk to your daughter about her younger brother being a little different and the punishments may not be the same anymore.  Sorry your going through this.

justfiveofus
by on May. 9, 2012 at 12:00 PM
2 moms liked this

Well, regardless if your child has autism or not there are differences between him and his sister.  She is older and understands more, in addition girls tend to mature faster than boys.  If he doesn't understand then he's not learning anything from being punished.  You will have to explain to your daughter in some situations that she gets in trouble for doing X because she's older and she knows better but that her younger brother doesn't understand yet and he is still learning. 

For the things that he doesn't understand I would simply redirect him and explain.  You could say something like, "Don't write on the walls.  We only write on paper, if you want to draw and can't find paper ask mommy for some."  

My kids are 10, 8 and almost 7, with only one being on the spectrum (my youngest).  They all have different expectations because they are different people.  They also have different consequences because they are different.  For example, my 10 year old loves to read but could care less about playing her DS.  So if she gets in trouble taking away her ds doesn't matter to her, but telling her she can't stay up late and read is the end of the world for her.  My middle, he's miserable if he has to do chores so usually when he's in trouble I give chores.  My youngest, if he's not allowed to play his nintendo ds it's like the end of the world for him so that's usually what I use for punishment.  If I told him he couldn't read he'd probably be sining off the roof tops and he doesn't mind doing chores so those punishments just don't work for him.

I hope this made some sense! 

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