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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Reactions of people when they find out your child is autistic.

Posted by on May. 15, 2012 at 5:31 PM
  • 63 Replies

The one thing that I can't stand is that when someone finds out my son is autistic they say Sorry. That annoys me to no end. I don't understand what sorry is supposed to mean. Even though my child is autistic there is nothing to be sorry about. Yes, my baby has some things he has to work through, but he is still a loving, happy child. 

What type of reactions do you get from people once they find out your child is autistic? Would people saying sorry to you bother you? Just would like other people's opinions. Maybe I am overtly sensitive when it come to my baby or any other child with a disability. 

by on May. 15, 2012 at 5:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MommyRJ
by on May. 15, 2012 at 5:33 PM
Sorry bugs me too..
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kajira
by Emma on May. 15, 2012 at 5:36 PM
4 moms liked this

sorry - or "that can't be possible, he talks" or "he seems pretty normal to me, are you sure?"


nettey79
by on May. 15, 2012 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I always get "He does not look autistic", "I heard about it but what is it", "Are you sure", "That must keep you busy", "Wow" (that is after I tell them that Cory, Zeke and my dh are autistic). I am sure there are more but those are the only ones I can think of right now.  

smarieljlee
by Sara on May. 15, 2012 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

You cant tell

What is that?

I had one person ask me in a round about way if she is mentally challenged. She was a bitch

momtoscott
by on May. 15, 2012 at 6:44 PM
2 moms liked this

 If you think of it from the other side--sometimes I wonder, what do I want people to say? 

I have heard everything (since DS is 14 and we have had a dx for a long time) from sorry, to I heard that about him, to Ohhh, to Okay, to I had no idea (as a piece of information that was new to the person).  I have also heard, "Oh, okay, my DS/DD is also autistic."  From my POV, I think, that's a good response, or "Oh, thanks for letting me know."  

But what is it that we want people to say?  I don't always tell people DS is autistic; those who I do tell are usually people who are working with him, for them, I guess I want to hear: "Great.  What should I know that will help me work with him?" 

For people who are acquaintances or friends, I am trying to explain some aspects of his behavior.  I really have no idea what the "right" response is to my statement in that case!

badgermom2012
by on May. 15, 2012 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

People have said that to me too.  I usually get looks of pity.  People ask if he'll "ever be normal," or "able to live on his own" and stuff like that.  

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2012 at 7:07 PM

i'm overly sensitive too. But i think many people mean it, try to mean it, in a supportive way.

 

it think its hard to know what reaction to have.

 

i hate being on the receiving end of it, but, i understand the other side too, if that makes any sense :(

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2012 at 7:10 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting momtoscott:

 If you think of it from the other side--sometimes I wonder, what do I want people to say? 

I have heard everything (since DS is 14 and we have had a dx for a long time) from sorry, to I heard that about him, to Ohhh, to Okay, to I had no idea (as a piece of information that was new to the person).  I have also heard, "Oh, okay, my DS/DD is also autistic."  From my POV, I think, that's a good response, or "Oh, thanks for letting me know."  

But what is it that we want people to say?  I don't always tell people DS is autistic; those who I do tell are usually people who are working with him, for them, I guess I want to hear: "Great.  What should I know that will help me work with him?" 

For people who are acquaintances or friends, I am trying to explain some aspects of his behavior.  I really have no idea what the "right" response is to my statement in that case!

exactly. I need or you should record all your responses momtoscott. the question and the answer and make a book and sell it. i'm serious. they're usually so spot on :)

newmommy430
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2012 at 7:11 PM
1 mom liked this
My son is small, so people think he is younger than he is. I get the "he doesn't look autistic" or "he must not be severe".

He is actually severe, although he is improving rapidly. They said he is at a 12-18 month level at 3 years old. This is after over a year of EI. I noticed that he had improved a lot between the time he was evaluated and the time we had his meeting.
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RockinMama0608
by on May. 15, 2012 at 7:15 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry bugs me too.  But I also can't stand "Are you sure?" or "He seems normal to me."


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