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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Enough with the meltdowns!! Day #12

Posted by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:10 AM
  • 14 Replies

 As if it isn't bad enough that he is having them day and night, he had to have one this morning. Not how I wanted to start my day. I want off of this merry-go-round of craziness!

I don't know what to do with him. He is fine at school. I talked to the teacher this morning. She says her only problem with him is the echoing what she says or what comes over the loudspeaker. The kids think she is telling them to do something, when it was actually him saying it.

At home he has had meltdowns 3 nights in a row over a stupid movie, Hugo. I rented it Saturday night and we watched half of it before he fell asleep. I returned it Sunday and come Sunday night he starts in. "I want Hugo, I want Hugo! Go get it right now!" Same thing Monday and Tuesday night. It goes on for at least an hour each time. (By the way, I offered to go buy the movie Monday and he told me no.) I bought it this morning, I am done talking about Hugo!

This morning the school had a special breakfast for the kids that did well on AR tests this year. I went with Jordan because parents were invited. Since I was going to the school, I told him he could ride with me. He has known for 3 days now that I was taking him. He got up at 5:40 this morning and told me he wanted to ride the bus, so I said okay. Come time to go to the bus stop, he decides to ride with me. I knew it was going to happen! After the bus had gone, he starts in, "I want to ride the bus, I want to ride the bus! Call the bus driver and tell her to come back!" Of course the shoes came off, a meltdown is not complete without flying shoes! I barely got him in the car to go to school and had to  listen to his mouth the whole way there. I went and talked to his teacher, which really made him mad.  Nothing going on there, he saves it all for me.

What am I going to do with him? He is having so many everyday, throwing shoes, hitting, kicking, pushing, yelling, slamming doors, repeating the same thing over and over and over. He is living in time-out. If he does not stop soon I am going to go crazier!

by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
twins0506
by Holly on May. 16, 2012 at 11:20 AM
I wish I could help you but I'm going thru a similar situation with my son.
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myfirstborn04
by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:24 AM
Hugs - I'm sorry your in a rough patch with your son right now. This was me a few months ago with my 5 year old. Its so hard and stressful. You want to do your best in each situation but you also don't want to reward their bad behavior. Its hard not to give in. I find myself on the verge of tears and feeling so helpless. Hang in there. Breath and take it day by day. I had to make a decision about whether to try him on meds. It was hard but I ended going that route. Time outs were not working. They were a joke to him. He has been getting 2 years of behavior therapy. No luck! I don't know how you feel about meds but its a thought. Mine is doing better after getting his meds adjusted. I just want to wish you the best, I so understand how you feel. Yes your right about the flying shoes. Look out and stay strong. Bless you! :)
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jordiesmom05
by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:48 AM

 I called his ped this morning to see what needs to be done, possibly medication. He wants me to get the Vanderbuilt questionaires filled out to see if he has adhd to go with his aspergers and ocd before making a decision about anything. So the school is sending the paperwork home today and I have an appointment for June 5th with his ped. I am open to anything that will help him right now.

Quoting myfirstborn04:

Hugs - I'm sorry your in a rough patch with your son right now. This was me a few months ago with my 5 year old. Its so hard and stressful. You want to do your best in each situation but you also don't want to reward their bad behavior. Its hard not to give in. I find myself on the verge of tears and feeling so helpless. Hang in there. Breath and take it day by day. I had to make a decision about whether to try him on meds. It was hard but I ended going that route. Time outs were not working. They were a joke to him. He has been getting 2 years of behavior therapy. No luck! I don't know how you feel about meds but its a thought. Mine is doing better after getting his meds adjusted. I just want to wish you the best, I so understand how you feel. Yes your right about the flying shoes. Look out and stay strong. Bless you! :)

 

myfirstborn04
by on May. 16, 2012 at 12:09 PM
1 mom liked this
I think our sons are so alike. My son David is 5. He is taking flouxotine.06ml for social anxiety and ocd. I am in the process of having him evaluated for aspergers. Everything you mention describes my son. Best of luck on your appointments.

Quoting jordiesmom05:

 I called his ped this morning to see what needs to be done, possibly medication. He wants me to get the Vanderbuilt questionaires filled out to see if he has adhd to go with his aspergers and ocd before making a decision about anything. So the school is sending the paperwork home today and I have an appointment for June 5th with his ped. I am open to anything that will help him right now.


Quoting myfirstborn04:

Hugs - I'm sorry your in a rough patch with your son right now. This was me a few months ago with my 5 year old. Its so hard and stressful. You want to do your best in each situation but you also don't want to reward their bad behavior. Its hard not to give in. I find myself on the verge of tears and feeling so helpless. Hang in there. Breath and take it day by day. I had to make a decision about whether to try him on meds. It was hard but I ended going that route. Time outs were not working. They were a joke to him. He has been getting 2 years of behavior therapy. No luck! I don't know how you feel about meds but its a thought. Mine is doing better after getting his meds adjusted. I just want to wish you the best, I so understand how you feel. Yes your right about the flying shoes. Look out and stay strong. Bless you! :)

 



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kajira
by Emma on May. 16, 2012 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I can undrestand how stressful it was. I think the 3-6 age was the hardest with my son - but i survived it... and I think you will too. Have faith in yourself, and good luck.

ROGUEM
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:26 PM

I think your son has control issues.  My youngest son is similar.  The psychiatrist feels his senses are so out of control that he feel he must exert whatever control he can in the area he can, The behavior therapist worked with me and him about his control issues and he is doing much better.  She advised me two give him two choices.  I will use your bus example.  I would say I am eating breakfast with you on Thursday.  Do you want to ride with me to school or do you want to ride the bus.  I let him choose and then he must abide by it.  If you stand strong and don't waiver he will learn that Mom means business. At first this method means more meltdowns but as he sees that you aren't backing down, the meltdown decrease dramatically.  This was very hard for me to do but I must admit it worked just like the therapist said it would.

I don't know if this helps or not.  My son also takes medication for aggression and violence.  The consistency we practice now with the medication has made the meltdowns almost non- existent.

If you ask him if he wants something and he says no and later tantrums or meltdowns for the item, my behaviorist doesn't think you should give it to him under no circumstances.  You are supposed to remind him that it was offered and refused and maybe it will be offered again but until that time he doesn't get it.  That was hard for me to do at first but now he understands that he must conform to the times frames offered and that the world doesn't revolve around him.  

jordiesmom05
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:53 PM

 You are so right about the control issues. It has been going on for at least three years, though he had been better for a couple of months. Now he is back at it. Tonight it was over bandaids. I did not have the kind he wanted so he fussed for 45 minutes. I told him to use what we had or he would not have one. He finally fell asleep.

Do you think he even realizes what he is doing? I usually give him a choice as to what he wants, but he changes his mind back and forth from the first choice to the second choice and so on. It never ends, it seems like he just wants to fuss about something. I don't give into him that often either. I have been sick for a week with a cold plus I have had a migraine for two days, so I just want some peace right now or I would not have bought him that movie this morning.

Quoting ROGUEM:

I think your son has control issues.  My youngest son is similar.  The psychiatrist feels his senses are so out of control that he feel he must exert whatever control he can in the area he can, The behavior therapist worked with me and him about his control issues and he is doing much better.  She advised me two give him two choices.  I will use your bus example.  I would say I am eating breakfast with you on Thursday.  Do you want to ride with me to school or do you want to ride the bus.  I let him choose and then he must abide by it.  If you stand strong and don't waiver he will learn that Mom means business. At first this method means more meltdowns but as he sees that you aren't backing down, the meltdown decrease dramatically.  This was very hard for me to do but I must admit it worked just like the therapist said it would.

I don't know if this helps or not.  My son also takes medication for aggression and violence.  The consistency we practice now with the medication has made the meltdowns almost non- existent.

If you ask him if he wants something and he says no and later tantrums or meltdowns for the item, my behaviorist doesn't think you should give it to him under no circumstances.  You are supposed to remind him that it was offered and refused and maybe it will be offered again but until that time he doesn't get it.  That was hard for me to do at first but now he understands that he must conform to the times frames offered and that the world doesn't revolve around him.  

 

Austinsmom4544
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2012 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this

My son used to do this also. It was all about control with him.  Giving him choices has worked for us, in the end he still feels in control since he made the choice/decision.  I think they just want to feel they have a choice and not always feel forced or decisions made for them.  Hope it gets better for you soon :) 

momtoscott
by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:07 PM

 I agree with Roguem, part of this is about control and choices.  I learned to give two to three choices, let DS pick, reinforce that it was the choice, and then do it.  No mind-changing allowed.  There is definitely an element of power struggle/limit testing going on.  That said, it is easy for something that is simply a power struggle with "expressive yelling" to transition into a meltdown that the child can't control, and we hope to avoid that. 

I think you should tell him that from now on, you are going to give him some choices, and that you are sure he will make smart choices.  Then present them ahead of time (as has been described above), and give plenty of reminders that it was your son's decision.  You may still have some meltdowns, but if the "win" of the meltdown, reversal of a choice, is not achieved, I would hope they would be less frequent.  I also do believe most kids of 5 have enough reasoning ability to understand these concepts.

Please let us know how things go with this, I would be very interested to know how it turns out.  And of course best of luck. 

jordiesmom05
by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:15 PM

 Thank you. I will let him know that he can no longer change his mind. His first choice will be set in stone as far as I am concerned. When he starts getting better, I will let you all know. I will be so glad to post something good about him!

Quoting momtoscott:

 I agree with Roguem, part of this is about control and choices.  I learned to give two to three choices, let DS pick, reinforce that it was the choice, and then do it.  No mind-changing allowed.  There is definitely an element of power struggle/limit testing going on.  That said, it is easy for something that is simply a power struggle with "expressive yelling" to transition into a meltdown that the child can't control, and we hope to avoid that. 

I think you should tell him that from now on, you are going to give him some choices, and that you are sure he will make smart choices.  Then present them ahead of time (as has been described above), and give plenty of reminders that it was your son's decision.  You may still have some meltdowns, but if the "win" of the meltdown, reversal of a choice, is not achieved, I would hope they would be less frequent.  I also do believe most kids of 5 have enough reasoning ability to understand these concepts.

Please let us know how things go with this, I would be very interested to know how it turns out.  And of course best of luck. 

 

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