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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Confidence as a Parent

Posted by on May. 20, 2012 at 9:05 AM
  • 16 Replies
This may sound like a strange post, but this is true for me and I'm curious about others. Do you think your confidence as a parent has actually improved since your child was diagnosed? It has taken time, but I think the combination of learning new techniques and realizing some of my sons behaviors go beyond my parenting has helped. I remember walking on eggshells around him and feeling like I must be doing it all wrong. Why would he have so many meltdowns? Now I realize he had his limits and sometimes, his behavior has little to do with me. Drawing more clear boundaries about me expectations can't be hurting either.
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by on May. 20, 2012 at 9:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
smarieljlee
by Sara on May. 20, 2012 at 9:18 AM
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That's great!

I do second guess myself from time to time but over all I feel confident. Motherhood changed me as a person, that is for sure

myfirstborn04
by on May. 20, 2012 at 9:25 AM
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Oh yes, it had made me more stronger. In the beginning I was a scared sheep. Now I can spot most tantrums and di err it before it becomes a full melt down. I can visualize in my head how a situation will go. Although there are rough times I am more prepared and confident about getting through it.:)
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momtoscott
by on May. 20, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I have never felt confident as a parent, before or after the dx.  But I have learned a few tricks over the years. 

Austinsmom4544
by Silver Member on May. 20, 2012 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I was very confident as a parent before the dx, but when we found out I was second guessing myself constantly.  I think at first we are all scared if we are doing enough or the right thing for our kids to progress.  Now that my son is 14 I can see how much he has achieved since his diagnosis and it makes me feel like I made some good choices along the way. Having a child with autism has made me a stronger person and given me patience.  I feel confidence builds over time :)

kajira
by Emma on May. 20, 2012 at 1:29 PM
2 moms liked this

I think having a reason for knowing why sometimes nothing I do makes it "all better" in that moment has gone a long way for not only being able to accept him - but also find patience with him in all areas of my life I didn't even know I have.

I realize that having realistic expectations of behavior for him - and feeling justified in setting boundaries for him with others - even when they get mad at me... helps me feel like I'm doing the right thing because of having a label. (like his grandparents)

I realize that it's not jsut "me" - I do realize when I'm upsetting him and try to back off and not keep pushing the situation - I try to help him and set boundaries, and feel justified in helping him now that we have a reason for his behaviors. 

Before, people accused him of being a spoiled, disobedient brat with no manners and no respect for his parents.... :/ At least now we know *why* he acts this way and can explain it for the most part.

brilliantchaos
by on May. 20, 2012 at 1:40 PM
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Actually my confidence in general has improved. I'm the type of person who needs to research everything that touches my family. I drive myself crazy, literally, trying to make sure I don't miss anything. As I've become more educated about the diagnoses my kids have, their rights, our rights as parents, special education law, etc I've been more comfortable and confident in most situations. I've learned how to parent my children in a way that works for them, and by doing that I've learned how to change behaviors in myself that I don't like.

kajira
by Emma on May. 20, 2012 at 1:41 PM
2 moms liked this

exactly!!!

I'm also a research whore. :P

Quoting brilliantchaos:

Actually my confidence in general has improved. I'm the type of person who needs to research everything that touches my family. I drive myself crazy, literally, trying to make sure I don't miss anything. As I've become more educated about the diagnoses my kids have, their rights, our rights as parents, special education law, etc I've been more comfortable and confident in most situations. I've learned how to parent my children in a way that works for them, and by doing that I've learned how to change behaviors in myself that I don't like.


repetition
by Member on May. 20, 2012 at 5:26 PM

It's plummeted. I realize there's no possible way I can do it on my own. When my ds was in a free program there was therapists that saw things I never saw that helped. Now, we don't qualify for medicaid, our insurance does not cover autism therapy, and he gets minimal therapy at the public school.

When he's home, I sometimes zone out because of how frustrating it is to communicate with him. With my dd, I don't know how to get through to her. Her sense of black and white will not change.

Dereksmom1018
by on May. 20, 2012 at 5:28 PM
1 mom liked this

I can relate to what you are saying. Before I suspected that my son has Aspergers, I took 4 parenting classes because I thought that there was something I could do.  But after suspecting he has a diagnosis of Aspergers I breathed a sigh of relief that maybe it isn't my parenting skills.....maybe there is something wrong with Derek. Now I use ALL the techniques I learned in the classes and what I've read in books and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't.  But yes, definately feeling more confident these days.

marisab
by Gold Member on May. 20, 2012 at 6:08 PM

i do believe that when i had my daughter i was alot more ready after my ds dx

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