So, I called them today to discuss summer placement, and for the first time since April, was told he's been having a rough time. More of the behavior above, and it is getting worse each week. Two other boys are egging him on, and teasing him into acting silly. So I asked what are they doing about them? I was told they separate the boys and get them involved in activities. Which is fine, but is anyone calling their parents? No. And where was my communication? When we're they planning to tell me it's not working out? The woman I spoke with actually said, "well, you never see the head teacher, and that's a problem". Uh,, I do not since he leaves at 4, but you can call or write me a note. They did this before when he was hitting, no word until the situation had become really out of control.
So, I put in a call to my son's integrated PreK to see if they have spots in after care. The teachers there have noted his behaviors, but seem much less concerned. They are coping with it, and have a better understanding of how to deal with him. So if they do, I think he needs to leave the daycare. It's not a good fit anymore, and I don't like the way they are dealing with things.
So I am angry with the daycare, but also sad that he can't be there. Makes me worry about how he will do in Kindergarten. I guess it's just one more "he's not normal" if you know what I mean.
I have that problem with the school our son's in. they don't tell us anything - and he just comes home and melts down. we have a very hard time keeping communication between the school and us going, they deal with stuff, even stuff I think is fairly serious (like a pencil stabbing) and if I didn't *insist* upon notes coming home daily about his school day, I wouldn't know *anything*.
If he stays in school, next year - I'll be buying a notebook specifically for the teacher to write to me about his day so I can keep track of stuff. including days where behaviors are more obvious. I really am torn on if I even want to deal with the school system right now....
They over look his signs and he shuts down, then comes home and flips out.... I don't think that's fair to him either.
I'm sorry things are going bad at the daycare, but if he's comfortable with the teachers in PreK that's a better place for him. I also hate it when teachers don't tell me things are going wrong until they hit critical mass, even though I always ask to be told at the first sign of trouble. That's when I can fix things, not when things have completely deteriorated.
Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? Then all of a sudden, we're in crisis, yet I haven't been told this previously. Other than in April when he was there full days which is not the norm--when I got no reports, and when I asked I was told he was fine, so I assumed things were back to normal and the change in schedule threw him.
I did leave a notebook at the daycare--it's still there actually, but no one writes in it! I'm still fuming--they know I work full time or he wouldn't be there. So how I am supposed to pick him up at 3:30 now and then to talk to his teacher? And that these other kids are using him for their amusement--this is the main reason I want to pull him out, even if they told me okay they'll give it more time (which I think they would if I made a fuss).
Just when you think something is stable, it's not.
Quoting momtoscott:
I'm sorry things are going bad at the daycare, but if he's comfortable with the teachers in PreK that's a better place for him. I also hate it when teachers don't tell me things are going wrong until they hit critical mass, even though I always ask to be told at the first sign of trouble. That's when I can fix things, not when things have completely deteriorated.
Agreed. Now he has had lots of reinforcement from the other kids who think it's fun to get him to act silly. So it's a much more entrenched behavior. I'll have to talk to the other school about this, and I think I need to find or write a social story about being silly.
The only other problem with switching schools is that my husband could not get there in time to pick him up when I work late (one night a week now, but it will probably be two soon). So that I would have to figure out--we don't really have anyone who can pick him up that frequently.
that's it exactly.
They also want to deal with it themselves and when it goes beyond them - then they do something about.
frankly, I think they have to do it that way because most parents aren't as hands on, and don't want to care/know unless it's something the school can't handle solo... and even then parents have the "deal with it yourself" attitude - so I'm sure a lot of it comes from that too.
When I insisted upon notes home about my son - the teacher looked at me like I was a nutcase.
but he won't tell me anything about what goes on at school and if SOMEONE doesn't communicate with me, I assume he's doing fine, only to be told that he got sent to the principals office 3x in one week, and is getting inschool detention for X and X and it's like... huh?! You could have avoided the entire situation by paying attention to HIS cues - and telling me whats going on so I can help at home by talking about behaviors and what's expected at school.
Also - when there's too much stress - I keep him out of school for a "easy" day. mental health day - whatever you want to call it... we just hang out at home and do fun activities and relax a little. He works hard - so I want to make sure we balance it out and don't make him explode from the stress - especially since it's just going to get worse the older he gets.
Quoting LIMom1105:Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? Then all of a sudden, we're in crisis, yet I haven't been told this previously. Other than in April when he was there full days which is not the norm--when I got no reports, and when I asked I was told he was fine, so I assumed things were back to normal and the change in schedule threw him.
I did leave a notebook at the daycare--it's still there actually, but no one writes in it! I'm still fuming--they know I work full time or he wouldn't be there. So how I am supposed to pick him up at 3:30 now and then to talk to his teacher? And that these other kids are using him for their amusement--this is the main reason I want to pull him out, even if they told me okay they'll give it more time (which I think they would if I made a fuss).
Just when you think something is stable, it's not.
we have this problem with our son too - if he gets a reaction for his behaviors, he will ramp up and get egged on and it's awful. he doesn't realize that it's funny once - then let it go... if he licks his arm or bites himself and someone laughs (we are trying to tell him they are laughing AT him because he's behaving WEIRD and not because he's funny and they think it's cute.) he'll sit there and intentionally chew on his arm to see what people do.
he's not even trying to do bad things - but he'll escelate quickly, and he's gullible so if someone tells him to do something, he'll do it, then not realize he needs to *stop* doing it - that doing something once is fine, doing something 500000 times is not fine. LOL
I will say, life is never boring.
Quoting LIMom1105:
Quoting momtoscott:
I'm sorry things are going bad at the daycare, but if he's comfortable with the teachers in PreK that's a better place for him. I also hate it when teachers don't tell me things are going wrong until they hit critical mass, even though I always ask to be told at the first sign of trouble. That's when I can fix things, not when things have completely deteriorated.
Agreed. Now he has had lots of reinforcement from the other kids who think it's fun to get him to act silly. So it's a much more entrenched behavior. I'll have to talk to the other school about this, and I think I need to find or write a social story about being silly.
The only other problem with switching schools is that my husband could not get there in time to pick him up when I work late (one night a week now, but it will probably be two soon). So that I would have to figure out--we don't really have anyone who can pick him up that frequently.
I insisted on daily communication with my daughter's teacher this year, even had it written into her IEP, and I still got very little. The school expects me to tell them about every bump in the road we run into at home but they won't tell me anything about her day. I get the standard "she's adjusting fine" line. When I press for information is when I find out about her multiple melt downs, etc. Right now she get speech once a week to help her generalize communication skills but everything she's gained this year has come from us at home. In our case they want to keep her because she's a dollar sign to them in federal funding they don't even use for her.
Quoting kajira:that's it exactly.
They also want to deal with it themselves and when it goes beyond them - then they do something about.
frankly, I think they have to do it that way because most parents aren't as hands on, and don't want to care/know unless it's something the school can't handle solo... and even then parents have the "deal with it yourself" attitude - so I'm sure a lot of it comes from that too.
When I insisted upon notes home about my son - the teacher looked at me like I was a nutcase.
but he won't tell me anything about what goes on at school and if SOMEONE doesn't communicate with me, I assume he's doing fine, only to be told that he got sent to the principals office 3x in one week, and is getting inschool detention for X and X and it's like... huh?! You could have avoided the entire situation by paying attention to HIS cues - and telling me whats going on so I can help at home by talking about behaviors and what's expected at school.
Also - when there's too much stress - I keep him out of school for a "easy" day. mental health day - whatever you want to call it... we just hang out at home and do fun activities and relax a little. He works hard - so I want to make sure we balance it out and don't make him explode from the stress - especially since it's just going to get worse the older he gets.
Quoting LIMom1105:Yeah, it's annoying, isn't it? Then all of a sudden, we're in crisis, yet I haven't been told this previously. Other than in April when he was there full days which is not the norm--when I got no reports, and when I asked I was told he was fine, so I assumed things were back to normal and the change in schedule threw him.
I did leave a notebook at the daycare--it's still there actually, but no one writes in it! I'm still fuming--they know I work full time or he wouldn't be there. So how I am supposed to pick him up at 3:30 now and then to talk to his teacher? And that these other kids are using him for their amusement--this is the main reason I want to pull him out, even if they told me okay they'll give it more time (which I think they would if I made a fuss).
Just when you think something is stable, it's not.
((hugs)) It sounds like communication was lost w/ the day care somehow and it's not your fault at all, the teacher should've wrote a note home or asked for you to call.
I'm going to be mad
- LIMom1105
on May. 21, 2012 at 2:50 PM