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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

if your kids have aspergers do you tell other people upon meeting?

Posted by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:38 PM
  • 51 Replies

if your kids have aspergers do you tell other people upon meeting?

Do you tell them they have aspergers or autism?

if your kids have other dx's on the spectrum, do you tell them?

by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kajira
by Emma on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:54 PM
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my son has a medical alert tag that says autism on it, plus he and I both wear a bracelet that's brightly colored and says "I have autism" on it.

I informed our neighbors, nd the kids/families in the neighborood he plays with. 

other than that, no I wouldn't tell people unless it came up or someone asked. so far, even with the bracelets, no one's asked either of us anything.

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 2:55 PM

i have told a few people. Not really even people close to me. but i feel like they will meet my kid and he's going to behave seemingly bratty (more so than most kids) and then they'll look at me.

I know I shouldn't care.

I don't care when its at the local Walmart. whatever. besides, there are so many screaming kids there (which I don't judge at all) my kid is actually one of the better behaved ones comparatively.

but when its the maintenance guys that are around here in my apartment complex or (i've kind of have gotten close to the cleaning lady) i told her. About the maintenance guy: he's a very nice, older hispanic guy. he strikes me as someone that would live in my grandparents' neighborhood from the country i was born in (the US is my country, but so is Vzla).

Anyways, to him, I said, I think my son might have speech issues. I think it maybe autism. "Really?" he said. Then nodded. "Oh" -- him. "Yeah" I said.

I didn't feel judged per se, but I still felt awful. He didn't do anything wrong, in my opinion. Its all inside of me and my perception of what the outside world thinks and feels. Maybe I feel it too.

As for the cleaning lady, she actually made me feel a little better. I was thinking about having her daughter come over and play with me and my son. Her daughter wasn't going to camp and was bored. Her daughter is NT and about 9 years old. She said sure.

Then she went to her car. After a little while, I followed her to her car before she left, and told her "i forgot to tell you. If you could please not tell anyone. I mean, don't tell your daughter, is that okay? My son is almost indistinguishable from any other kid. He plays well with others, etc."

She said "Don't worry. My daugther prefers to play with younger kids anyway! She was at an afterschool program and there was a special needs kid there. I asked her if she had fun and who she played with. I told her, let me guess, you played with the little kid and with the little special needs girl, right? She said, 'yeah.'  So, don't worry."

What do you guys think?

mcclanto
by Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:45 PM

I'm so confused about this topic.  I have no idea when or if to tell someone.  My son is in swimming and I haven't told his instructor.  He even had a meltdown at his lesson the other day. I think I will let her know because she does work with him on a weekly basis.  I don't really know how to go about telling anyone.  I have only told two people where we live, his two best friends' parents.  I feel judged by them and they have zero understanding.  They just think I baby him and he needs more discipline.  I think part of the problem is that people whose children don't have Autism know very little about it.  I was one of those people a year ago. 

I need to figure this part out and I would appreciate any advice on this topic.  Sorry OP that I'm not any help.

alissaplusthree
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't see the point in telling anyone unless the situation warrants it.

For example:

-I took him with me to a Pilates class, and did not tell anyone about his autism.

He could only make it halfway through the class, and would lie face down on a towel the rest of the time (usually crying).

After three days of this, I decided to explain his autism to the rest of the class because I could see it was making them uneasy to witness an 11-year-old acting this way while his mother did "nothing" about it.


-I let his teachers know for any online classes he takes because I homeschool him and he has no IEP. They have been willing to accomodate him so far.


-I notify the airlines when we travel for priority boarding passes.


onthebrink333
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 3:55 PM
1 mom liked this

Nope.  Only people that are in contact with her consistently...family, teachers, close friends.  People that care...and then I just use judgement with everybody else.  Don't feel like you have to tell everybody...you don't.  Well, at least I don't think you do, but sometimes I want to with all the weird looks I get at times.  However, my daughter has aspbergers and is high functioning...if she had something else that was more...yes, for safety reasons.  Thats just me tho.  :)

unusualmom
by on Jul. 20, 2012 at 4:13 PM
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Everyone we encounter is on a 'need to know' basis
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LIMom1105
by Silver Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 7:15 PM
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Yes to teachers, babysitters, close family, doctors, a few friends we spend time with. Other people don't really named to know IMO.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
smarieljlee
by Sara on Jul. 20, 2012 at 8:10 PM
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Not unless there is a need. A few of her friends parents know. Dentists and doctors know that deal with her know of course. It is on file with anyone she sees. Of course it is not official, but due to her sensory issues and aversions they need to know that care has to be taken performing procedures.

.
smarieljlee
by Sara on Jul. 20, 2012 at 8:56 PM
yeah i messed that up. you know what i meant, lol

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jul. 20, 2012 at 10:08 PM


Quoting mcclanto:

I'm so confused about this topic.  I have no idea when or if to tell someone.  My son is in swimming and I haven't told his instructor.  He even had a meltdown at his lesson the other day. I think I will let her know because she does work with him on a weekly basis.  I don't really know how to go about telling anyone.  I have only told two people where we live, his two best friends' parents.  I feel judged by them and they have zero understanding.  They just think I baby him and he needs more discipline.  I think part of the problem is that people whose children don't have Autism know very little about it.  I was one of those people a year ago. 

I need to figure this part out and I would appreciate any advice on this topic.  Sorry OP that I'm not any help.


absolutely no need to apologize.

I'm in the same boat :)

Commiserating is part of the therapy :)

As for the part in orange, thats EXACTLY the type of judgement I get... not just from other moms but from my own family. More specifically, from my mom! simple frown

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