Wow! Would anyone else be upset if your husband said this about your child?
We were out getting something to eat, waiting in line . We were talking about when I started to notice that our son may be autistic and how at the time he couldn't talk about it and would just get mad and yell at me. He said he had time to deal with it and is OK about talking about it now. It's been known between us for a while that it was thought that I had autism as a child but was never diagnosed. He says to me how hard it's been dealing with him and he feels bad for our son, but then says if he could go back he would of never have had him. I was like "what?" He says " I love him so much, I just don't want him to have a horrible time". Then I say "well you love me do you think I should never have been born?" I don't feel this way about my son. I think that he's very high functioning and will just need a little more help than NT's. I understand him when most don't, I guess it's good that I'm his mother, we're the same. I love him more than anything and will teach him, protect him, help him and never be ashamed of him.
I don't know maybe I'm overreacting?
i think he's showing empathy for the difficulities your son faces if he's autistic.
I think struggling and talking about it is a good sign, not a bad one.... he's expressing his feelings, and is going through the regret/grieving process a lot of parents go through when they start accepting that their kid is different and struggles.
I know it can be hard to hear it, but he needs to be able to grieve/cope/come to terms with it in his own way, and talk about those feelings while he figures out where everything stands.
Thanks guys! I understand he's grieving but he's said stuff like this before we even knew he could be autistic. My son cried a lot as a baby, colicky and only wanted to be with me. At that time he told me once he wished he wouldn't of had a baby yet. I'm never able to get anything done because my son will have a melt down if I'm not with him every minute even if my husband is home. We thought that we could rent a very small Apt so my husband could take him there so I could get a break to sleep or get things done I need to. We also haven't been getting along so well recently so we thought my husband could stay there sometimes. Just for some breathing room. He made the joke " Oh the Autistics in one house and me in the other, Haha." I found this very insensitive and rude! I think he's immature and selfish.
I'm sorry to hear that.
My husband has occasionally made jokes like that, and I always found them funny... rather than mean, but my husband's behavior and attitude in other ways show that his jokes really *are* just jokes and not trying to be hurtful and mean. ^.^
I'm very sorry that he's been having a hard time with everything... I know my son as a toddler was very, very difficult.. and it can be extremely stressful.
Quoting LuluLinden:Thanks guys! I understand he's grieving but he's said stuff like this before we even knew he could be autistic. My son cried a lot as a baby, colicky and only wanted to be with me. At that time he told me once he wished he wouldn't of had a baby yet. I'm never able to get anything done because my son will have a melt down if I'm not with him every minute even if my husband is home. We thought that we could rent a very small Apt so my husband could take him there so I could get a break to sleep or get things done I need to. We also haven't been getting along so well recently so we thought my husband could stay there sometimes. Just for some breathing room. He made the joke " Oh the Autistics in one house and me in the other, Haha." I found this very insensitive and rude! I think he's immature and selfish.
Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.
Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism
It's OK and thanks! I'm just tired of feeling like this. I feel like I'm on my own with my autism and my son's most likely autism. It's hard when no one understands you and when you try to explain they wont listen. I know some things he says are jokes but others are more serious.
I've had a problem with getting into relationships that are abusive. I just have a harder time seeing what it is for what it is. I didn't have the best examples as a child though. The first relationship I that produced my daughter was abusive and it was hard for me to see and communicate that it was. A lot of friends saw it but my own mother didn't want to deal with it.
Quoting kajira:I'm sorry to hear that.
My husband has occasionally made jokes like that, and I always found them funny... rather than mean, but my husband's behavior and attitude in other ways show that his jokes really *are* just jokes and not trying to be hurtful and mean. ^.^
I'm very sorry that he's been having a hard time with everything... I know my son as a toddler was very, very difficult.. and it can be extremely stressful.
Quoting LuluLinden:Thanks guys! I understand he's grieving but he's said stuff like this before we even knew he could be autistic. My son cried a lot as a baby, colicky and only wanted to be with me. At that time he told me once he wished he wouldn't of had a baby yet. I'm never able to get anything done because my son will have a melt down if I'm not with him every minute even if my husband is home. We thought that we could rent a very small Apt so my husband could take him there so I could get a break to sleep or get things done I need to. We also haven't been getting along so well recently so we thought my husband could stay there sometimes. Just for some breathing room. He made the joke " Oh the Autistics in one house and me in the other, Haha." I found this very insensitive and rude! I think he's immature and selfish.
:( I don't know what to say,
Quoting LuluLinden:It's OK and thanks! I'm just tired of feeling like this. I feel like I'm on my own with my autism and my son's most likely autism. It's hard when no one understands you and when you try to explain they wont listen. I know some things he says are jokes but others are more serious.
I've had a problem with getting into relationships that are abusive. I just have a harder time seeing what it is for what it is. I didn't have the best examples as a child though. The first relationship I that produced my daughter was abusive and it was hard for me to see and communicate that it was. A lot of friends saw it but my own mother didn't want to deal with it.
Quoting kajira:I'm sorry to hear that.
My husband has occasionally made jokes like that, and I always found them funny... rather than mean, but my husband's behavior and attitude in other ways show that his jokes really *are* just jokes and not trying to be hurtful and mean. ^.^
I'm very sorry that he's been having a hard time with everything... I know my son as a toddler was very, very difficult.. and it can be extremely stressful.
Quoting LuluLinden:Thanks guys! I understand he's grieving but he's said stuff like this before we even knew he could be autistic. My son cried a lot as a baby, colicky and only wanted to be with me. At that time he told me once he wished he wouldn't of had a baby yet. I'm never able to get anything done because my son will have a melt down if I'm not with him every minute even if my husband is home. We thought that we could rent a very small Apt so my husband could take him there so I could get a break to sleep or get things done I need to. We also haven't been getting along so well recently so we thought my husband could stay there sometimes. Just for some breathing room. He made the joke " Oh the Autistics in one house and me in the other, Haha." I found this very insensitive and rude! I think he's immature and selfish.
Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.
Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism
It's OK. Sorry! I'm being whiny. Sorry again!
Quoting kajira::( I don't know what to say,
Quoting LuluLinden:It's OK and thanks! I'm just tired of feeling like this. I feel like I'm on my own with my autism and my son's most likely autism. It's hard when no one understands you and when you try to explain they wont listen. I know some things he says are jokes but others are more serious.
I've had a problem with getting into relationships that are abusive. I just have a harder time seeing what it is for what it is. I didn't have the best examples as a child though. The first relationship I that produced my daughter was abusive and it was hard for me to see and communicate that it was. A lot of friends saw it but my own mother didn't want to deal with it.
Quoting kajira:I'm sorry to hear that.
My husband has occasionally made jokes like that, and I always found them funny... rather than mean, but my husband's behavior and attitude in other ways show that his jokes really *are* just jokes and not trying to be hurtful and mean. ^.^
I'm very sorry that he's been having a hard time with everything... I know my son as a toddler was very, very difficult.. and it can be extremely stressful.
Quoting LuluLinden:Thanks guys! I understand he's grieving but he's said stuff like this before we even knew he could be autistic. My son cried a lot as a baby, colicky and only wanted to be with me. At that time he told me once he wished he wouldn't of had a baby yet. I'm never able to get anything done because my son will have a melt down if I'm not with him every minute even if my husband is home. We thought that we could rent a very small Apt so my husband could take him there so I could get a break to sleep or get things done I need to. We also haven't been getting along so well recently so we thought my husband could stay there sometimes. Just for some breathing room. He made the joke " Oh the Autistics in one house and me in the other, Haha." I found this very insensitive and rude! I think he's immature and selfish.
I think your husband is trying, and that's a good thing. You're going in the right direction. Now that you are both committed to helping your son, maybe you can talk less about his old reactions, because it's possible that the "jokes" are a bit of a defense to this. If conversations tend to go in this direction, and leave both of you feeling hurt, I'd just avoid, if I could.
For a while my husband made a lot of jokes about the fact that he earned more money than me (our careers diverged once we had a kid, when we met we were making the same amount of money). It was part of him feeling proud that he was doing so well in his 9-5 job, but I started to feel hurt by it, and one day I asked him to stop, and he did. He knows I'm proud of him and supportive, etc., and that I'm fine with how things have turned out, but he's a little more careful in this area.
Also, people have very different interior life experiences. For example, I personally wish I had never been born. That doesn't mean I am depressed or angry about my life at all, nor does it mean I'm suicidal. It is just the way I feel, a fact of my existence. My husband and son don't have the same feeling, and that's okay with all of us. So your DH may just be expressing a true feeling that doesn't mean that he doesn't very much love you or his child. However, if it upsets you, you can ask him to stop. Or focus on what your next steps are with your child, rather than the past.
my husband won't even acknowledge that our son has autism. at least your husband is talking about it. i think what he said was hurtful, but I also think he could just be going through the grieving/ coping process. Does that give him a right to say he wishes your ds hadn't been born? Absolutely not. I think people make jokes or say hurtful things about stuff they don't understand as a defense mechanism.
good books for a boy with aspergers to help him understand puberty and his changing body
Eye Color
- LuluLinden
on Jul. 21, 2012 at 2:09 AM