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Having a tough mommy day...

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:06 AM
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My son is 7 years old and has already been diagnosed with ADHD (when he was 5).  We have an appointment for a psychological evaluation on Tuesday that I am sure will lead to a diagnosis of Aspbergers.  This is in preparation for the coming school year - I received zero assistance from the school last year.  They thought he was fine - no IEP or anything needed.  He went to see the speech therapist when he needed a break.  He wasn't needing speech therapy.  I am frustrated and angry over this process.

I am just having a tough day, it's been a tough week.  I have come to the realization that his ADHD meds aren't working anymore and his Aspbergers is more prevalent.  (not sure if that is due to the meds not working or what)

I work for a non-profit company that serves individuals with all types of disabilities (cognitive and physical) and I am trying some techniques that other staff utilize daily with individuals within our services (I am just clerical support).  Re-directing, breathing techniques, taking a break, etc.

I think I have just reached pivotal point - I'm in new territory and I am loosing my mind because I don't know if I am strong enough to do this.  It's going to be a lot harder than I thought.  I know that once there is an official diagnosis, I will have to "train" 15 family members on how best to interact with my son.  For example, telling him to be quiet and use his inside voice won't work.  (constant battle on one side)

I know I'm safe venting these feelings here, my friends and family just don't understand and we are having some of the same issues coming up over and over again.  So not looking forward to the holidays (that is a topic for another day).  Okay, thanks so much for letting me vent, already feeling better and had a nice little cry as I wrote this post.  Sorry it's so long.  I appreciate any advice any of you have to offer!


Michele - aka "Stampin' Mama"

by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:06 AM
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by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:19 AM
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Hugs, mama, it is hard, especially if you don't know how to parent a child with Aspergers. My daughter is 9 and just diagnosed like 8 months ago and it was like banging my head on a wall. I cried almost daily thinking I just don't know how to do it. I also received no help from her previous school. First-document every single problem. Keep paperwork/tests/complaints. If you get a call, follow up with email so that you have a paper trail when you make another written request for an evaluation for an IEP.

Second-I just went through some parenting classes and behavioral therapy and I tried to create very detailed posts about those and the reward system we decided to set up. It has been working very well. If you
can't Find those posts and want to, let me know and I'll help you locate them.

Please let us know anytime how we can help you. There are sone really knowledgeable mamas in here.
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by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:23 AM
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Hugs!! I hope you have a better day!
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by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:26 AM
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Hugs to you.

My son was dx at a young age (PDD NOS, was totally non-verbal to a point, then words came slowly, he still has major articulation & communication issues) he was in therapy & had a medical dx before we dealt with the school district. (so I can't help there)....I hope others can.

Some people like it, some don't.....but you might look into ABA therapy. My son is very strong willed & ABA has helped us. (he's 5 1/2 now), He's also hyper (although no dx related to that). ABA therapy.....they are still working with him on giving up preferred items & what to do instead of saying NO to everything. (we've had to change service providers a few times due to different things). There are things I now know. Swift transitions don't work well. Giving him verbal warnings does (20 minutes until school, 10 min, 5 min). He may still be saying no about it, but things go smoother if he knows ahead of time (except if it's to go to the park or some place super fun....then it can be a last minute announcement & he's fine).

At school (sp ed preschool), they use a visual schedule. We don't do that at home. But having that time to prepare himself helps. Some times he just needs a few minutes to adjust to the idea (even if he's still saying no, he's not fighting it like he would have with a quick transition).

For naughty behavior, time outs & losing favored things does work for us....but it didn't work right away. He used to flip out if he lost a toy. He didn't want to stay in time out. when he was younger. He gets a warning "do you need to sit in time out? Do I need to take _ away from you, because you aren't behaving/doing what we ask, etc? He almost always says no & behaves better (at least for a few seconds).

Every child is different. It took us time to learn what worked with our son. He's changed so much in the past few years. I think it takes him time to process things, esp if he is concentrating on something else. Some times he will just automatically say yes, but then he gets upset once he realizes what he agreed to. And other times he automatically says NO to everything and needs time....and then he changes his mind.

We are here for you. I'm not sure how to go about it, but you might need to find an advocate, to help you with your son's school and getting any accomodations for him.

by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 11:51 AM

I am working with his counselor/therapist and she has been a tremendous help.  She was extremely surprised when I told her he didn't have an IEP.  She is helping us navigate throught the system and will get him the things he needs in place before the school year starts.  I am so thankful to have someone with us and guiding us each step of the way.  At least that issue is kind of taken care of... not sure how things will start off this school year, but hoping for a somewhat smooth transition.

by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 1:03 PM
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Yeah, it is a completely different way of parenting. The more you know and understand, the better you'll feel about dealing with his issues. But even then figuring out what works specifically for your kid will be trial and error. The ladies on this group will be able to give you a wide range of ideas and encouragement. I would say start educating yourself especially with behavioral psychology and cognitive behavioral therapies. It'll help when it comes time for your son's first IEP meeting, too.
by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 1:23 PM
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((Hugs Mama))

by Julie on Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:08 PM
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(((hugs))) Welcome to the group!

by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 3:39 PM
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My son just got his official dx of Aspergers. He was dx as ADHD at 5 and of course the meds did not help. It was a constant fight with teachers telling me to increase meds. Well he is off all of those now. He takes meds for anxiety which helps some. I am going Monday to talk to his school and I'm nervous too about the EIP. We'll see if it helps. He'll be in 7th grade this year. It's great that you were able to get it dx now instead of later. I have gotten a lot of grief through the years from family and school. Good luck!
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by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 4:12 PM
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Hang in there. Once you have a diagnosis, you will hopefully get the support you need to make it easier on you and your family, and especially your son. 

by on Jul. 28, 2012 at 4:28 PM
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