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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

how can i help my son break out of his shyness are adults??

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:05 AM
  • 7 Replies

My son is starting a new school this year and i cant deny that i am worried. He is so shy around new adults and every comment i get from this previous teacher at IEP meeting is Xavier is extremely shy and it could be holding him back from his full potential. I mean even when he sees adults he knows his conversation skills melt. You can ask him anything and he can talk but will stand in silence. When hes with his brother or other children he is a little chatter box.

by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:05 AM
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Replies (1-7):
kajira
by Emma on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:13 AM
4 moms liked this

I think that a child who is shy, will engage people when they are ready. the adult should be patient. 

Making it okay to slowly warm up to people is more likely to reduce anxiety.... trying to make them warm up too quickly before they are ready will increase anxiety.

Most of the people working with your child, are any of them autistic themselves? do they know what it's like to be an autistic child in a fast-paced world that moves too fast? 

Why does a child have to conform? Why can't it be okay to just go a little slower and check things out before making a decision to engage with others?

The key thing you are saying is that he DOES engage with people he likes.... it just takes him a while to warm up to new people.

I don't understand why being cautious and slow is such a bad thing.

mallowcup17
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:18 AM

i agree with all of this. i was considered "shy" as a kid too but my parents found caring and understanding educators who were able to work with me and i did reach my full potential. i see nothing wrong with shy kids. 

Quoting kajira:

I think that a child who is shy, will engage people when they are ready. the adult should be patient. 

Making it okay to slowly warm up to people is more likely to reduce anxiety.... trying to make them warm up too quickly before they are ready will increase anxiety.

Most of the people working with your child, are any of them autistic themselves? do they know what it's like to be an autistic child in a fast-paced world that moves too fast? 

Why does a child have to conform? Why can't it be okay to just go a little slower and check things out before making a decision to engage with others?

The key thing you are saying is that he DOES engage with people he likes.... it just takes him a while to warm up to new people.

I don't understand why being cautious and slow is such a bad thing.


smarieljlee
by Sara on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting kajira:

I think that a child who is shy, will engage people when they are ready. the adult should be patient. 

Making it okay to slowly warm up to people is more likely to reduce anxiety.... trying to make them warm up too quickly before they are ready will increase anxiety.

Most of the people working with your child, are any of them autistic themselves? do they know what it's like to be an autistic child in a fast-paced world that moves too fast? 

Why does a child have to conform? Why can't it be okay to just go a little slower and check things out before making a decision to engage with others?

The key thing you are saying is that he DOES engage with people he likes.... it just takes him a while to warm up to new people.

I don't understand why being cautious and slow is such a bad thing.




Any adult that deals with autism should know this.
momtoscott
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 11:42 AM
4 moms liked this

 I don't know if your son is ready at this point to open up more to new adults, he may need to build his self confidence more.  However, if you make his shyness known to the adults who deal with him, they should be able to adapt and figure out ways to get through.  So I'd start with talking to them and making them aware of what's going on.

greenmommo
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 12:35 PM
1 mom liked this
This. Trying to break him out of it will likely make it worse.

Good luck! I hope the new school year goes well.


Quoting momtoscott:

 I don't know if your son is ready at this point to open up more to new adults, he may need to build his self confidence more.  However, if you make his shyness known to the adults who deal with him, they should be able to adapt and figure out ways to get through.  So I'd start with talking to them and making them aware of what's going on.


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xavier929
by on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:28 PM

At this new school none that i know of yet. I am hoping a change will be better for him and your right he will open up more when he is ready and i hope the teachers will understand that.

Quoting kajira:

I think that a child who is shy, will engage people when they are ready. the adult should be patient. 

Making it okay to slowly warm up to people is more likely to reduce anxiety.... trying to make them warm up too quickly before they are ready will increase anxiety.

Most of the people working with your child, are any of them autistic themselves? do they know what it's like to be an autistic child in a fast-paced world that moves too fast? 

Why does a child have to conform? Why can't it be okay to just go a little slower and check things out before making a decision to engage with others?

The key thing you are saying is that he DOES engage with people he likes.... it just takes him a while to warm up to new people.

I don't understand why being cautious and slow is such a bad thing.


marisab
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2012 at 1:29 PM

I dont know my son isnt shy but ia m sure u well get answers here ;-)

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