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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Telling my son he has Asperger's????

Posted by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:19 AM
  • 29 Replies

Can anyone help me I am stuck and very scared to tell my son who will be 12 years old soon he has Asperrger's. He is a great kid and over the summer things have come up and I feel like I could be holding him back if I don't tell him so he can know himself. But scared as hec what if I destroy his whole being? what if he feels he is a loser, everything is so black and white to him he could just see this as a terrible thing and not get past it. OMG! tons of things running threw my head can anyone tell me their experience's or what they did? I am a single mom his Dad is around and will support what I say but no help as far as actually doing..

by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kittie26
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:22 AM
4 moms liked this

Has he expressed his concerns about being different? If so, then I'd definitely tell him. And you can point out all the brilliant people in history who also had autism -- like Einstein and Tesla and others. Be sure to point out all the ways he is special and how his autism can actually be an asset, not a burden or something to hate about himself.

Down2EarthMomma
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:23 AM

My son is 6 and knows he is different. WE talk abotu how everyone has there strenths and weaknesses. I am partially deaf so I tell him that where I struggle and have to work at. There has been lots of famouse amazing people with aspergers I would look them up. I think telling our kids will help them to understand themselves better. My sons teacher gave us a book called all cats have aspergers. I plan on showing my son the book in a few years. I think age 12 is the perfect age.

2togo48
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:30 AM

Thank you good advice so maybe I will compile all the good things asperger's has to give and people who have succeded in life because regardless of being Asperger's. Thank you very scared at this point. 

2togo48
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for your reply you seem more confident then me and thank you for saying 12 is the perfect age because I am so stuck in my own head and worried I waited to long or maybe wait longer or don't tell him....on and on I think I need to tell him and from the to replies I have had it will benefit him not hurt him. I am so lucky to have found Cafe Mom and this group becasue a week ago I was so alone in this and every support group has been very far away or a dead end so thank you All!

greenmommo
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:40 AM
Tony Attwood has a recommended way of telling kids if you can find it online. I'm hiking, or I'd find the link for you


Quoting 2togo48:

Thank you for your reply you seem more confident then me and thank you for saying 12 is the perfect age because I am so stuck in my own head and worried I waited to long or maybe wait longer or don't tell him....on and on I think I need to tell him and from the to replies I have had it will benefit him not hurt him. I am so lucky to have found Cafe Mom and this group becasue a week ago I was so alone in this and every support group has been very far away or a dead end so thank you All!


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HFBMOM
by Julie on Aug. 11, 2012 at 9:58 AM

I told my 12 year old that he has it by labeling it as a communication difference. I started the whole testing phase with telling him we needed to learn to communicate better so we could stop yelling at each other so much. Once we had the dx, I was able to tell him that his communication style was different than mine, and that is why we had so many issues. We talked about how his brain was wired differently and that it may impact him sometimes at school too. 

That was as much as he needed/wanted to know in the beginning. In the past year, he has asked a few questions, including of the neurologist when we were discussing his epilepsy. He asked if the two issues were connected. I was impressed with my son for speaking up to a person of authority who was a relative stranger (he'd only seen the dr once before, six months ago). The doctor answered that although many people with autism have seizures, people with seizures don't necessarily have autism and doctors don't know if there is truly a connection between the two disorders.

2togo48
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you found his website online all kinds of information thank you.

marisab
by Gold Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:45 AM

I ll have to send that info to my frien as well ty

Aspiemom0203
by on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:47 AM
2 moms liked this
Get the book "Can I tell you about Aspergers?" and let him read it. It may help.
I told my DS 12 about 6 months ago. He was in denial for a while and wouldn't discuss it. I finally explained about how everyone has differences and how some of his anxiety and fears are a part of it. I then told him what makes me anxious. I told him how crowds make me feel like I can't breathe and make me agitated. He's began to come around and will discuss with me. He's learned to tell me when he's beginning to get upset so I am able to help calm him. It was hard at first, but the acceptance made it easier. I also wrote a letter to him offering my apologies for not getting it before, my acceptance, my love, my understanding and telling him how much HE has taught me.

I hope at least something of that will help!
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Blue231
by Bronze Member on Aug. 11, 2012 at 10:59 AM
3 moms liked this
My son was dx at age 6 and we told him right away. He had been very depressed about getting in trouble at school and being different than the other kids. Learning about his Aspergers has helped him raise his self esteem. He knows his problems are things he can work on and are not his fault. He also knows he has strengths and says his Autism is part of who he is. He is now eleven. We've read several books to him about it. One he likes at his current age is "Different Like Me...My book of Autism Heroes". Just be careful your son knows everyone with Autism is different, so he doesn't feel bad if he is not like Einstein. My son also has academic learning disabilities (LD), too. We try to emphasize striving to be his own personal best.
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