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I have a Question or should I say my husband does? update in red on pg 34

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The below describes what my best friend does with her Autistic son. The question is should we report it?

I have witnessed our friend hitting her son who suffers from Asperger's with a plastic spatula whenever he 'lashes' out (i.e. Hitting his sister, hitting her, etc) also when he has a major meltdown (crying/screaming) she will shove him on to the couch (which doubles as his bed) and hold a pillow over his head until he stops his it. She also refuses to let him go outside or anywhere other than school, her husband (whom she has separated from) has got her so scared that DCF will get called if he goes outside and starts screaming. She does not provide any toys for him to play with, he ends up playing with the cat's toy or making paper spinners (tearing up paper and wrapping string around it). She allows him to take several baths a day, he uses the bath to have BM's, she allows him to do this, he was fully potty trained up until last school year (around Jan or Feb) something has happened to him at the school that has scared him of the toilet, and She blames his father for this, even though his father would not put up with him pottying in his pants, he (the father) would not yell at him but simply make him use the bathroom.  This boy is almost 12 years old and is non-verbal, he is enrolled in public school and from what I can tell in a basic special ed class. He receives SSI and she uses the money on her needs (rent, phone, etc) she does not provide him with anything that might help him progress. Our biggest concern is that the boy is taller than her and stronger and very aggressive towards anyone, and he is going to end up hurting his 8 year old sister (who is the size of a 5 year old) he is already lashing out his sister whenever she is in the living room (his bedroom) regardless of what she is doing. The mother simply excuses this behavior and relocates her daughter to another room. Also worth noting is that the boys diet consists of mainly pastas pizza, hot dogs, etc. She refuses to try a Gluten free diet on him; she stated that he became sick when she tried it before. He is taking risperidone and melatonin.

Should we report her to DCF? She has been investigated before but nothing came of it. She also been told about Cafe Mom, but thinks it is a joke :( I know that this is not any of my business, but I am really concerned and need to know what I should do, please do not bash me for asking.

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:19 AM
Replies (201-210):
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:38 PM

report her it would only be right for the child sounds like the mother is really stressed there is places that she can call to help she can talk to her dr about his behavior to see if he would refer her to a behavior therapist my son sees one and it has done wonders on ways to help with ways to handle his aggresion and ways to help with his communication 

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:39 PM

Be honest, tell them just what you told us. Let them know this child is in desperate need of some services as is the mother. There are so many support groups she could get involved in that may help her cope. 

by Member on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:45 PM

Have you thought about, instead of reporting to dcf, asking if you can help her?  If they don't let him out of the house, how are you so aware of his play and bms?  If she's using the ssi on herself, what is she using to feed and house her son?  Who pays for clothing, heat, food, etc?  How do you know she holds his head down with a pillow?  If you've seen that first hand, it should be reported.  I hope she gets the help that she obviously needs. Kudos to you for caring.   Hopefully you can make a difference.

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:45 PM

Yes, please report her.

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:46 PM
Quoting Mewlan:

And I wonder if she is going to the right doctors?  Aspergers dx criteria is no delay in language.  This boy is nonverbal...he has pretty profound autism--not Aspergers.

My thoughts exactly! The Neuropsychologist who diagnosed my son who has PDD-NOS said he would meet the requirements for an Aspergers except for the fact that he was nonverbal until ago 4 and still had communication delays at time of diagnosis. He had just turned 6 at the time of his diagnosis. According to the Neuropsychologist language delay can not be present in a person with Aspergers.


by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:48 PM

first of all rent is needed for  him as well, so that shouldnt even be included in the list of stuff being paid.  second of all HELL YEAH you should report it.  she is covering his face which can suffocate him.  e deserves better then that.  and why hasnt the father taking custody away from her.

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:55 PM

I say report her. What she is doing is nothing short of abusive. The boy cannot help his condition and she doesn't really seem to care.

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:55 PM
1 mom liked this
You need to report this abuse. Someone needs to stand up for that child. Being raised in that environment is likely making his behaviors worse.
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 10:01 PM

i would report her in a heart beat!

by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 10:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I hear a lot of panic and I think there needs to clarification on whether this mother is using compression technique or is literally picking up a pillow putting it on the Child's face and trying to smother him...BIG difference! Second is there a bedroom available for the boy or is it due to financial circumstances or due to a safety issue that the boy sleeps in the living room (ie the boys violence some autistic children not only have violent outbursts toward others but inflict harm towards themselves as well) I would love to know know how many of you that are responding ”report her” in almost a vigilante chorus are actually parents of an autistic child? Also for those of you that are remember autism is a spectrum disorder no two children are identical so hence what may Work for your household or child might not Work for this individual child. Also does anyone know if she received ABA therapy for her child. Generally if she is grtting social security for her child she does not have adequate income coming into the home therefore qualifies for ssi for her disabled literally have to make under $2000 a month to qualify...therefore she is probably also receiving state healthcare. I am not too sure if every state has regional center but in California children with disabilities go through regional center which is government funded. Aba thrrapy is provided if deemed nessecary for the child however it is only given for two years...due to being federally pays to have private insurance however not everyone can afford it. Autistic children have weird eating habits (to me this comment is a little snide and self opinionated) also the potty thing with regards to the child never doing this with the father (irrelevant) the child is obviously regressing with the potty for a reason. I believe you stated something happened at the school? Prehaps the parents seperation? Whatever it is I am sure the school is aware of it...public schools now have special classes which is still special Ed for autistic sure that is what her son is in..not just special ed. her son has a yearly iep which she is required to attend to monitor his goals and progress...(if his teachers are good with him and he is progressing with his goals in the iep I see no reason for her to move him. Have you ever gone with her to a meeting at the school even for moral support? Have you ever offered to eatch the kids so she could go for a walk and destress?? As an autistic parent of not only1 but 2 boys and a divorced single parent in general I know how important it is to have a strong support system family friends and staff working with your child. How about instead of jumping to call social services you call a local autism advocacy center (google works wonders) and tell them your concerns and maybe they would be willing to call or go see the mother with you...have you voiced your concerns to your friend? I know as human beings we all tend to pass judgement...
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