Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

A special message from an autistic man.

Posted by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 2:10 PM
  • 13 Replies
4 moms liked this

Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.

Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism

by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 2:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
KookyKeeper
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I see my son so much in this man, including the way he moves his hands, the way he moves his body, and his frustration and anger that we don't get it. I am equally frustrated with myself for being prey to what society expects.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kajira
by Emma on Aug. 31, 2012 at 2:50 PM
2 moms liked this

Exactly.

My son and I both act a lot like this man - and his message is one I keep trying to pass along too! That they need to stop trying to make us "normal" - we are unique, and different and we deserve the right to be ourselves in this world.

I do think that you can learn to balance it out though. I go out and fake normal and at home, I'm "me" - that's what we teach our son. In public, you have to pass for normal and learn to hide somethings, and at home, you can be yourself. 

I think autistic adults, and verbal kids really do the world a great service by sharing this point of view. I really think that so many people are brainwashed into thinking that training their kids to act normal makes them normal. It doesn't. they just learn to fake it... and most autistic adults I know, it doesn't come naturally to them, they just get better at faking/hiding it.

Quoting KookyKeeper:

I see my son so much in this man, including the way he moves his hands, the way he moves his body, and his frustration and anger that we don't get it. I am equally frustrated with myself for being prey to what society expects.


Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.

Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism

KookyKeeper
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 3:20 PM
2 moms liked this
Kajira, I have bipolar disorder and I too have to go out and pretend to be normal! I was frustrated with what I saw as my poor mothering abilities and Owen's behavior because I couldn't be the mom society wanted to be and he couldn't be the kid society wanted me to be. He's six and maybe I should be judged for taking so long to figure it out but I finally realized that we don't have to fit in, per se, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are people who will accept us for us. Bipolar disorder and autism actually have a lot in common...I share a lot of the thinking traits Owen has, I too have sensory issues, and find myself stimming, I also don't always get people. I'm definitely not autistic but I am beginning to realize my "shortcomings" as a mother (namely that I am bipolar) are not actually shortcomings but strengths. If I can stop pretending to be "normal" and embrace what makes me weird (including making odd noises, rocking, and echolalia!) I can begin to see that I really AM the perfect mother for him, not some crazy woman who should have never had kids.

This epiphany came to me when I joined CafeMom with the help of your reply to a desperate post I made and also mewlan's replies and messages.

So thank you from the bottom of ky heart.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kajira
by Emma on Aug. 31, 2012 at 3:23 PM
3 moms liked this

My mother is bipolar - so I can understand why you'd feel that way, and the social stigma's attached to that label.

although, the difference is she used drugs and didn't try to be a good mother, and that alone is what makes you a good mom - you try. You put effort into it, you work at it, and you want to do what's best for your son.

You rock. :)

Quoting KookyKeeper:

Kajira, I have bipolar disorder and I too have to go out and pretend to be normal! I was frustrated with what I saw as my poor mothering abilities and Owen's behavior because I couldn't be the mom society wanted to be and he couldn't be the kid society wanted me to be. He's six and maybe I should be judged for taking so long to figure it out but I finally realized that we don't have to fit in, per se, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are people who will accept us for us. Bipolar disorder and autism actually have a lot in common...I share a lot of the thinking traits Owen has, I too have sensory issues, and find myself stimming, I also don't always get people. I'm definitely not autistic but I am beginning to realize my "shortcomings" as a mother (namely that I am bipolar) are not actually shortcomings but strengths. If I can stop pretending to be "normal" and embrace what makes me weird (including making odd noises, rocking, and echolalia!) I can begin to see that I really AM the perfect mother for him, not some crazy woman who should have never had kids.

This epiphany came to me when I joined CafeMom with the help of your reply to a desperate post I made and also mewlan's replies and messages.

So thank you from the bottom of ky heart.


Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.

Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Aug. 31, 2012 at 4:32 PM
2 moms liked this

OMG...I am one minute into this video and it is my son!  He shows inflection in his voice....and his mannerisms....

Thanks for posting this..

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Aug. 31, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this

My dad is bipolar.  So I understand from the child side.  I suspect my Dh is aspie as well as bipolar.  Bipolar at least (he self medicates which makes it worse).  You are doing great.  Dont let the noise in your head get you down.  

Quoting KookyKeeper:

Kajira, I have bipolar disorder and I too have to go out and pretend to be normal! I was frustrated with what I saw as my poor mothering abilities and Owen's behavior because I couldn't be the mom society wanted to be and he couldn't be the kid society wanted me to be. He's six and maybe I should be judged for taking so long to figure it out but I finally realized that we don't have to fit in, per se, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are people who will accept us for us. Bipolar disorder and autism actually have a lot in common...I share a lot of the thinking traits Owen has, I too have sensory issues, and find myself stimming, I also don't always get people. I'm definitely not autistic but I am beginning to realize my "shortcomings" as a mother (namely that I am bipolar) are not actually shortcomings but strengths. If I can stop pretending to be "normal" and embrace what makes me weird (including making odd noises, rocking, and echolalia!) I can begin to see that I really AM the perfect mother for him, not some crazy woman who should have never had kids.

This epiphany came to me when I joined CafeMom with the help of your reply to a desperate post I made and also mewlan's replies and messages.

So thank you from the bottom of ky heart.


KookyKeeper
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks for saying I rock. I was just really moved to see this guy say "other people would think that was weird and why should it be? " I'm paraphrasing of course. I do take medication and see a therapist and psychiatrist but I did have to realize that no matter how hard I try I'll never be normal. I do get weird looks in public when I do weird things (like sing "lalala," and yes I really do that) . I'm learning to stop being so self -conscious. I've long known I was "weird," it was the accepting it that has been a long time coming. Thanks for the kudos.


Quoting kajira:

My mother is bipolar - so I can understand why you'd feel that way, and the social stigma's attached to that label.

although, the difference is she used drugs and didn't try to be a good mother, and that alone is what makes you a good mom - you try. You put effort into it, you work at it, and you want to do what's best for your son.

You rock. :)

Quoting KookyKeeper:

Kajira, I have bipolar disorder and I too have to go out and pretend to be normal! I was frustrated with what I saw as my poor mothering abilities and Owen's behavior because I couldn't be the mom society wanted to be and he couldn't be the kid society wanted me to be. He's six and maybe I should be judged for taking so long to figure it out but I finally realized that we don't have to fit in, per se, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are people who will accept us for us. Bipolar disorder and autism actually have a lot in common...I share a lot of the thinking traits Owen has, I too have sensory issues, and find myself stimming, I also don't always get people. I'm definitely not autistic but I am beginning to realize my "shortcomings" as a mother (namely that I am bipolar) are not actually shortcomings but strengths. If I can stop pretending to be "normal" and embrace what makes me weird (including making odd noises, rocking, and echolalia!) I can begin to see that I really AM the perfect mother for him, not some crazy woman who should have never had kids.



This epiphany came to me when I joined CafeMom with the help of your reply to a desperate post I made and also mewlan's replies and messages.



So thank you from the bottom of ky heart.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Aug. 31, 2012 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this

You are in this group with other "weird" peeps.  :) I am one.  I am a very good chance undx'd aspie.  I pass and can socialize well.  I have many spinter skills that make me pass for NT.  I have anxiety that I am now on medication for (gd school), and i have a hard time verbalizing my needs.  I am very much like my son.  I am a chewer like my son.  I was a toe walker like my other son is.  Sensory was a nightmare for me (I hated tights and to this day still hate pantyhose, or tighter clothing).  My socks cant bunch in my shoes.  And if my legs itch, it drives me into a frenzy.  

You are in a great sisterhood here.  :)  

Quoting KookyKeeper:

Thanks for saying I rock. I was just really moved to see this guy say "other people would think that was weird and why should it be? " I'm paraphrasing of course. I do take medication and see a therapist and psychiatrist but I did have to realize that no matter how hard I try I'll never be normal. I do get weird looks in public when I do weird things (like sing "lalala," and yes I really do that) . I'm learning to stop being so self -conscious. I've long known I was "weird," it was the accepting it that has been a long time coming. Thanks for the kudos.


Quoting kajira:

My mother is bipolar - so I can understand why you'd feel that way, and the social stigma's attached to that label.

although, the difference is she used drugs and didn't try to be a good mother, and that alone is what makes you a good mom - you try. You put effort into it, you work at it, and you want to do what's best for your son.

You rock. :)

Quoting KookyKeeper:

Kajira, I have bipolar disorder and I too have to go out and pretend to be normal! I was frustrated with what I saw as my poor mothering abilities and Owen's behavior because I couldn't be the mom society wanted to be and he couldn't be the kid society wanted me to be. He's six and maybe I should be judged for taking so long to figure it out but I finally realized that we don't have to fit in, per se, unless it's absolutely necessary. There are people who will accept us for us. Bipolar disorder and autism actually have a lot in common...I share a lot of the thinking traits Owen has, I too have sensory issues, and find myself stimming, I also don't always get people. I'm definitely not autistic but I am beginning to realize my "shortcomings" as a mother (namely that I am bipolar) are not actually shortcomings but strengths. If I can stop pretending to be "normal" and embrace what makes me weird (including making odd noises, rocking, and echolalia!) I can begin to see that I really AM the perfect mother for him, not some crazy woman who should have never had kids.



This epiphany came to me when I joined CafeMom with the help of your reply to a desperate post I made and also mewlan's replies and messages.



So thank you from the bottom of ky heart.




KookyKeeper
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 8:47 PM

You know what I can't stand (sensory-wise)? Taking showers. I don't like being wet. I don't like overhead lights. They make me feel like I can't see. I hate pantyhose, too, and I hate tags and I even sometimes hate tagless things because they itch too after being washed a couple of times. I used to hate underwear but I make myself wear them now because, as a 37 year old mother I feel I should be an example to my children.

I sometimes repeat things people say or I echo sounds, like babies crying. It makes it sound like I'm making fun of them. Because of the manic/hypomanic episodes where many of these symptoms become obsolete, I seriously doubt ANYONE would ever diagnose me as being on the spectrum. But I do have them. I can't always tell when people are joking. I don't always get jokes. I have been known to say, "But nobody would every really DO that." Therefore, it's not funny to me. People have to TELL me to do things; I can't read their minds and when I try I always get it wrong.

I could go on and on, really! I think one day science will discover there is a genetic/neurological link between bipolar disorder and autism. That, like bipolar disorder and ADHD or autism and ADHD, there is a LOT of overlap and that maybe they are part of one big spectrum.

So, yeah, I'm definitely eccentric. It's nice to have a sisterhood of moms who are also not NT. Even in my family, I'm somewhat "strange." Like they ask, "Why would you think that?" I'm, like, "Why don't YOU think that?"

So that's me. o_O

Cubanmom84
by on Aug. 31, 2012 at 9:40 PM
1 mom liked this

The hands just broke me down, I cried like a freaking baby. And its special people like this that reasure me everyday of why I am the way I am. I have accepted that my child is different, and I understand that being different is not a bad thing, that is ok, and that he is just fine the way he is. And who ever doesn't understand that nor WANTS to see it, can kiss my cuban ass.... 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)