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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

How do you tell family?

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 10:30 AM
  • 9 Replies
That his autisim won't just "go away".
My mother in law can't seem to accept the fact that her only grand child has high functioning autisim.
She blames me, and is actively telling her son(my husband) that he never should have married me.
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by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-9):
edelweiss23
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 10:45 AM
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twins0506
by Holly on Sep. 10, 2012 at 11:22 AM

you can print out some info online and show her. there is alot of information on the web. you can also buy books. i would go with the internet though. its free lol. 

aidensmomma508
by Wendy on Sep. 10, 2012 at 12:17 PM

sometimes its harder for grandparents to accept it or even be supportive, 

my parents try to be supportive but aren't really. my inlaws are way more supportive. 

i like hollys idea to print out some fact sheets. 

kajira
by Emma on Sep. 10, 2012 at 12:28 PM

Do we have the same mom in law? Mine hasn't said her son shouldn't have married me, but she's implied he deserves better than me.

Good thing he gets to make those decisions for himself, because I'm the bomb and he tells me that all the time! LOL

What's worse in our situation is not only is our son autistic, but his WIFE is autistic... It's very hard for my mom in law to understand. She thinks you take a few pills, read a few books, force yourself to do stuff and it's cured.

She doesn't understand that I have limited amounts of energy, and if I use it all up, I don't have it for other things that are maybe more important for our family.

She doesn't get what it's like, she doesn't understand, and when you try to explain it to her, she either gets defensive, agitated, or pissy about it.

She's not willing to just listen and accept it. She gets overly emotional, then lashes out over it... which I cannot for the life of me, understand why HER panties get in a wad, she's not the one who has to live it daily.... but I guess since it's not her idea of a perfect situation or family, it's stressful.

She focus's more on the negatives and wanting to fix it, then enjoying us for who we are. It's very stressful for me and my son to be around her for any length of time because of that attitude.

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 12:55 PM

ugh! so sorry you have to go through that mom.

 

i guess you have to solidify your relationship with your hubby and come at it from a unified front.

 

hugs mom.

N.Carter2001
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2012 at 8:05 PM
My mother in law don't understand autism. She has even talked to a lawyer to try to take our son from us. Cause she thinks she can get our 4year old to talk and understand the potty. She thinks she can teach him stuff and we can't. So she feels he has problems because of us. But no the lawyer said she can't take him from us. Sorry I don't have advice.


Kristina514
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people choose to look at the rest of the world with rose-colored glasses. They live in their own, make-believe fantasy that everything is perfect. Thinking autism will just "go away" isn't being optimistic. Its being unrealistic. Sadly you can't change the way people think. You don't need to tell her, it sounds like she already knows and she's afraid. People are afraid of what they don't understand. She's blaming you because you're an easy target, being his mother. She wants to take the blame and put it on you so she doesn't have to face the truth. I would limit her time with my child. Other than that, all you can do is focus on him and make him as comfortable and happy as possible. Best wishes to you and yours.

Byrd15
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 8:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Not everyone is going to understand. 

My brother has autism but as achieved a lot, is an amazing man, graduated high school and will graduated college soon. My husband is convinced he either "grew out of it" or does not have it. I gave up... 

Some people will never understand, its complicated. But if they dont just brush it off and let them live in their ignorance. You can only teach so much. 

Good luck! 

edelweiss23
by on Sep. 10, 2012 at 8:34 PM
Thanks,
I will admit that I am scared as well, but I have decided to focus on what is going right with him.
He is a smart child and is just a little different.
Ugh!!!


Quoting Kristina514:

Some people choose to look at the rest of the world with rose-colored glasses. They live in their own, make-believe fantasy that everything is perfect. Thinking autism will just "go away" isn't being optimistic. Its being unrealistic. Sadly you can't change the way people think. You don't need to tell her, it sounds like she already knows and she's afraid. People are afraid of what they don't understand. She's blaming you because you're an easy target, being his mother. She wants to take the blame and put it on you so she doesn't have to face the truth. I would limit her time with my child. Other than that, all you can do is focus on him and make him as comfortable and happy as possible. Best wishes to you and yours.


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