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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Looking for advice and looking to give advice

Posted by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 5:47 PM
  • 20 Replies

My son is three years old and has autism. This is all new to me because no one in my family was ever had this. I know the God that I serve makes no mistakes. My son is a very loving and affectionate. He wasn't always like that though. He didn't like to be hugged and kissed but as a mom that's what we do. Now all he does is give me and my older son hugs and kisses. I talk to my sisters about it and some of my friends but they don't understand what I'm actually going through. I have had teachers and speech therapists and someone to come  and deal with his sensory issues but they only work with them half of them don't have kids period. I don't care how much a person works them until you have a child that is ypurs that was in your belly you can't possibly understand my situation. It's kind of like me telling someone I know how it feels to lose your mom It would be a lie cause m mom is still alive. Its even harder for me because his dad is not involved and doen't care to bbe involved. It is very stressful thinking my son may never speak or be what society calls normal. What is normal when you think about it. I know a lot of normal people who are in jail, or who sell drugs for the rest of their lives. My son Trent is a very happy kid. He laughs all the time, he smiled all the time and he destroys all my stuff like a so called normal kid. I have a real issue with sending him out in the world meaning school due to the fact that he doesn't speak. I was very protective of my oldest son and he is what you consider normal. I'm trying to find other people who understand excalty what I'm going through which is why I'm on this site. Hopefully I can meet some of you'll and talk and get advice as well as give advice.

by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 5:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CreziaMommyTo2
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 5:50 PM
1 mom liked this

i have no advice, bc i dont agree with you, but i hope you find someone who you can talk to.

kaiser10123
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 5:54 PM
Hey my 3yo was diagnosed when he was 2 and its been hard on me too. I never really knew what to expect but all I did was blame myself. But putting him in school was the best thing I could ever do for him. Caleb( my 3yo) has NO words in his vocabulary and doesn't interact much with other children. But after putting him in Special Education classes at the local Elementary School has truly helped and changed him. My biggest fear is he'll be mistreated also but I can't keep him sheltered and locked away forever. Things will get better hun good luck and I'm here for support.
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kajira
by Emma on Sep. 29, 2012 at 6:46 PM
1 mom liked this

My son and I are both autistic. I do agree that I don't believe god makes mistakes, and I believe my son and I are the way we are for a reason. Even if it's just to help teach tolerance for being different to one person... you know?

I didn't put my son into school until kindergarten. He was not ready for a normal preschool and because he WAS verbal, they didn't think anything was weird about him at that age, though there were lots of red flags. It took him being in the public school system for a while before the issues became *really* apparent, and even then, they brushed them off.

My son IS verbal and still couldn't tell me he was being picked on, or bullied, or even became the bully himself a few times. I eventually had to pull him out and homeschool him this year at the start of third grade. I don't consider myself an over protective parent. I consider myself an educated parent. 

I've cultivated social situations and friends for my son - he said he wanted them, so I made it happen outside of a school situation. I make sure he stays where he needs to be and focus's on areas of issues - which in his case, he's got some issues with dyslexia so spelling/writing are major issues and and math can be a bit of a problem that needs extra focus/attention. He's way around in some areas, and way behind in others because of it, and just in the few weeks of homeschooling, we've been able to catch him up in problem areas that were over looked in school.

He'd have fallen further and further behind as he got older, but until it became a super OBVIOUS problem, he'd have been passed along until he was failing and was too far head to catch up easily grade-wise in the areas where he was struggling. This eliminates a lot of that, because we work with him 1 on 1 now and keep him more well rounded. 

He has to have freedom though too - I wasn't comfortable at 3, but by 5ish I was ready to give him his wings. We tried school for a few years before we saw it wasn't working for him. He has friends now he plays with, he goes to a weekly library reading group and as he gets older, he can volunteer there and it could turn into a job oppertunity as a teenager.

I'll definitely push that for him since it can turn into more freedom and independance. I'm not about restricting my son's ability to experience new things. I sent him to disney land and other adventures to experience with cousins and his grandmas. 

I wouldn't let him do it willy nilly with strangers, but I'm not against letting him test his wings out.


all I can say is 3 is young. give him a chance - maybe you aren't ready yet because he's not ready, as long as your not doing it because you feel so insecure and don't trust anyone, I say trust your instincts. If you are doing it because you are too afraid to let anyone near him... then you may need to reconsider if it's a valid feeling that may have you keep him out of the system.


Heavens1710
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 6:53 PM

Thanks for the advice. I believe putting my son in school will work wonders for his social activity. I also understand I have to let him go and explore the world just like I did with my oldest. I apperciate you taking the time out to tell me a lil about your story.

Heavens1710
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:02 PM

Thanks for the advice. I am ready for him to go to school and make some new friends. I am a lil nervous because there are some cruel people in the world and a lot of people are just ignorant when it comes to autism. But I am ready for him to expererince the world and all that it has to offer. He is such a great kid and I want  others to see exactly what he has to offer to the world.

Heavens1710
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 7:09 PM

I understand you don't agree but this is my experience and my life so for you to not agree is a little unsettling to me. IF you told me your story who am I to not agree wveryone feels different about certain things. What is it excatly that you don't agree with. Do you have a child with special needs? I would love to know.....

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Sep. 29, 2012 at 8:17 PM

Hugs mom. Just wanted to say I understand.

LoveMyTrio
by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 8:31 PM

When was your son diagnosed?  Did you suspect early on when he was an infant that there was something different about him, or did you begin to wonder about the time he should be talking that there might be something different about him?  I'm asking because my son never made eye contact or facial expressions for the longest time, and he was actually diagnosed with Autism before he was 1 year old.  I started reading up on it on line and in books, and found that some parents had great luck with a gluten-free diet.  I figured it was worth a try, and it actually worked wonders for him.  After about two weeks in, he started making eye contact, and started smiling!  It was like a miracle.  He still has sensory issues, some quirky behaviors, and OCD, but I would say  he has come a long way from that diagnosis.  His pediatrition looked at his chart and exclaimed "He's not autistic!".  He may be on the spectrum - my other two children have Asbergers, but I can't say enough good things about this glueten-free diet, I really feel it helped him come out of his shell.

I think it's great that your son is so affectionate now, and that you are home schooling him.  I wish you the best of luck.


CreziaMommyTo2
by on Sep. 30, 2012 at 6:12 AM

my DS was DX at 15 months with Autism... he spoke the colors of the rainbow at 6 months old.. by a year old he stopped.  (yes i knew he was ASD at 6 months old)

he was non verbal until about 2, at 5 he is communicative

he started school at 2 (just like my NT child)

he is beyond affectionate.

the one statement that threw me off and i didnt agree with is this one " I don't care how much a person works them until you have a child that is ypurs that was in your belly you can't possibly understand my situation"

but i am not here to argue your opinions... nor am i going to down play your feelings... maybe i shouldnt have answered you, but that statement struck a chord in me.


Quoting Heavens1710:

I understand you don't agree but this is my experience and my life so for you to not agree is a little unsettling to me. IF you told me your story who am I to not agree wveryone feels different about certain things. What is it excatly that you don't agree with. Do you have a child with special needs? I would love to know.....


marisab
by Gold Member on Sep. 30, 2012 at 7:45 PM

First of all welcome!!!Sexond with proper theraoy he well speak but the state of his communication is dependANT ON HIM AND HIS DEVELOPMENT SO DONT GIVE up mama!!I am also a single mom with 2 kids and only one is asd.

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