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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Needing some help.

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 11:30 PM
  • 8 Replies

   Hello everyone,

       I have a step son with Aspergers. I am seeking some advice on how to handle everything. My partner thinks that I'm blind to the face that he has Aspergers. That I don't see himfor what he is. That I never will. That's not the case. I'm not sure on how to make her see that I'm naive. Thanks.

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 11:30 PM
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Replies (1-8):
JTMOM422
by Brenda on Oct. 3, 2012 at 10:23 AM

I think it's great that you are joining this group to find out about Aspergers. To me it shows that you really are a very caring person who wants to know about your son. Maybe buying some books on the subject or even joining a local group would help her see that you really do care and that you want to do this together as a family. I wish you the very best.

Lucky324
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Are you wanting to understand your step son better?  If so, be an observer as much as possible.  Try not to react until you have gained some insight.   As you probably know, step parenting is challenging in itself.  It takes a long time to establish trust and respect.  In the case of a child with unique characteristics, the challenge is even greater.  My husband and I have faced many difficulties in raising our two special kids.  We keep reminding each other to "just love them up."  We work hard to operate as a team, but we don't always see eye to eye, and sometimes one or the other of us overreacts out of stress and feelings of despair.  But we keep returning to idea of supporting each other and our children as much as possible.  It is hard to be the responsible adult, but it is essential.  I am happy to discuss specific problems you may be facing if you wish. 

amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 3, 2012 at 3:24 PM

Agreed!  Your stepson is blessed that he has someone so caring wanting to learn more about him and his condition.

Quoting Lucky324:

Are you wanting to understand your step son better?  If so, be an observer as much as possible.  Try not to react until you have gained some insight.   As you probably know, step parenting is challenging in itself.  It takes a long time to establish trust and respect.  In the case of a child with unique characteristics, the challenge is even greater.  My husband and I have faced many difficulties in raising our two special kids.  We keep reminding each other to "just love them up."  We work hard to operate as a team, but we don't always see eye to eye, and sometimes one or the other of us overreacts out of stress and feelings of despair.  But we keep returning to idea of supporting each other and our children as much as possible.  It is hard to be the responsible adult, but it is essential.  I am happy to discuss specific problems you may be facing if you wish. 


sheila5745
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:25 PM

I agree, talk to your partner. Help and hold each other. There are articles on the spectrum every where you look. Talk to his dr. Aske him or her for advice. Good luck. It is very hard to deal with this situation.

lemonade1
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 4:55 PM

I applaud you for wanting to find out about your stepson, many a man doesn't.  Read up on it, Tony Attwood writes good books on it. Also ask as many questions as you want of us.  I'm still learning and my son is 16.  This will surely mean the world to your partner that you are seeking help.

kickinit
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:15 PM
1 mom liked this

You reaching out proves that you care.... be careful tho how you are interacting with your partner.  Giving her hints and suggestions on how to handle/raise you stepson is treading on thin ground.  It is already hard to coparent..she does not need another voice.  be supportive and study up so you understand what she's talking about.  Olnly give your opionion when asked for it.  But offer to do things with your stepson and maybe even have a boys day with just you and him.  It is super hard to parent teens and teens or preteens with aspberger's.  my DH and I are learing every day..where and when to push and when and where we want to pick fights.  cuz when you pick em....you'd better be ready Win!  God blessQuoting lemonade1:

I applaud you for wanting to find out about your stepson, many a man doesn't.  Read up on it, Tony Attwood writes good books on it. Also ask as many questions as you want of us.  I'm still learning and my son is 16.  This will surely mean the world to your partner that you are seeking help.


lemonade1
by on Oct. 3, 2012 at 5:19 PM

Great advice from kickinit. 

Quoting kickinit:

You reaching out proves that you care.... be careful tho how you are interacting with your partner.  Giving her hints and suggestions on how to handle/raise you stepson is treading on thin ground.  It is already hard to coparent..she does not need another voice.  be supportive and study up so you understand what she's talking about.  Olnly give your opionion when asked for it.  But offer to do things with your stepson and maybe even have a boys day with just you and him.  It is super hard to parent teens and teens or preteens with aspberger's.  my DH and I are learing every day..where and when to push and when and where we want to pick fights.  cuz when you pick em....you'd better be ready Win!  God blessQuoting lemonade1:

I applaud you for wanting to find out about your stepson, many a man doesn't.  Read up on it, Tony Attwood writes good books on it. Also ask as many questions as you want of us.  I'm still learning and my son is 16.  This will surely mean the world to your partner that you are seeking help.



Jelinko
by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 5:43 AM

Ignorance is NOT bliss, regardless of the old saying. Do some research.You can go to Youtube and type in 'child with aspbergers' and watch  the videos. Also you can go to AutismSpeaks videos or website. Aspberger's is a form of Autism. The most imprtant thing to realize is that someone on the spectrum, their brain is wired differently. Totally different than ours. Once you see this, then you will see your stepson in a whole new light. Try to investigate and observe the things he does, and why he does them. It may astound you how structured and orderly he is. In some cases, it's like a mini-drill sargeant is living inside of their bodies. Order, knowledge and follow thru are very important, VERY necessary.

Hope this helps, Jenn

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