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as some of you know i am the mom of a WONDERFUL 3 year old little girl, who has PDD. I am not married to her father but we are trying to make things work (its been VERY tough), and we are living in HIS parent's home (no other options right now, LONG story)..and NOT like me. My father inlaw (i call them taht due to lack of a more fitting term) LOVES my daughter..he may be pompous, arrogant, mean at times, and EXTREMELY close minded...but he loves his grand daughter. My mother inlaw HATES ME..and blatantly favors her 2 othe grandsons and their mom over me and my daughter. She disrespects me as a woman, parent, and spouse to her son. She thinks im not good enough, and lets me know it. Only recently, since my dd's father came home from jail, has she shown my dd ANY attention/affection....or when one of her friends is present and she wants to looks "good" in front of say she and i have issues is putting it nicely.

  Anyways...I need friends...BADLY. I have NO FRIENDS AT ALL...i thought i had one..but she has turned out to be rather flakey. She even gave me false hope that she and i would find a 3bedroom house to rent (she has 2 kids of her own..a girl who is 8 and a boy who is PDD also, and is 5)...but she never came through. She makes plans with me, and then never calls...and she KNOWS the agnoy i am in living here...she KNOWS (she has heard it over the phone) the toxicity of this house for my daughter...and how i dont have a car (even though there are 5 here i am not permitted to touch ANY of them) i no longer can consider her a friend really. I believe in "Do unto others as you want done to you"...

  I am lonley...and have had to go through so much all daughters father is emotionally bankrupt, and is a man of few words. I love him, but i dont think i am still IN love with him and am struggling to truly come to grips/terms with it. He allows his parents to undermind me as a parent, and he never defends me when i am spoken badly about..he says its easier to "ignore" it, cause its not like saying anything to them will change how things are....and im sorry but i am having a tough time with that...yet i cant leave him till i can get outta this house!! I have applied EVERYWHERE, and sent out AT LEAST 400 resumes in the last month,...and NOTHING. I get DSS, SSI and still cant get out on my own (where i live it is RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE)...and what could help during all of this misery and chaos would be a FRIEND....I have a sister but she is a HOT MESS.

  My mom died aug 5 2010, of lung cancer (believe it or not it was VERY  VERY SUDDEN)....2 months after she was dx'd with stage 4 Lung cancer...she died,..i had no time to come to closure..and when she died a piece of me died as mom was my BEST everything. So since then its been inexplicably lonley...

  I went through all of the evals,EI,CPSE, Preschool tours, orientations, and whatnot with my daughters PDD ALL ALONE...and well i REALLY need some female friends that can support/identify with me...i have NEVER been in this type of situation where i literally was STARVED for companionship. I love my daughter more then anything..she IS my reason for being...but i am no good to or for her if i have this gaping wound in my soul....i see myself slipping into a depression...and HONESTLY...A LOT of my sh*t stems from living here...

  So, if ANYONE OUT THERE, wants to be friends with a messed up, confused, sad, passionate, strong, funny, educated, out going, clutzy, cynical, sarcastic, sweet, poetic, frazzled, empathetic, generous, loving, insightful, maniac....then please friend request me...i truly could use all the GENUINE friends i can get right now.....whether OL or IRL.... :o)

by on Oct. 7, 2012 at 7:00 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 8:56 AM

 oh, and i have NO ONE i trus that much to send my statements too...when i say i am LITERALLY COMPLETELY ON MY OWN...i mean it.

by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:28 AM

Hugs mama. Sorry you're struggling right now. I have two kids, dd with asd who's 2 and a son, 1. I am here to chat if you want. I don't have "friends" either because many do not understand or give up trying. Too many around me here, no time to party well so then don't want to hang around. Oh well, their loss. I wish you the best and am here if you need me.

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