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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

"Mean moms" at the pumpkin farm, and learning a lesson....

Posted by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:06 PM
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1 mom liked this

Today my daughter's father, myself and our daughter went to a  local pumpkin nursery..it was a rip off to be honest..$36 for all 3 of us..and then things like the bounce house, hay ride, and pony rides were EXTRA!

  Anyways..I had been looking forward to picking pumpkins with my daughter all week, but to be honest, again...i did'nt have a very nice time. My daughter's father wouldn't stop complaining about how expensive the pumpkins were...so we didn't buy any. Then when our daughter wanted to look/talk to the farm animals they had (i was unde rthe impression they had a petting zoo....we basically paid $36 to stare at a few farm animals behind a wire fence *rolls eyes*)...her father kept pacing around like he was bored...which kinda annoyed me, i mean our kid LOVES animals and she loves talkin to them..i was taking pictures, and not ONCE did HE say "let me take some" or "get in there, lets get a picture of you and our daughter". 

   So after our dd made it clear she in no way wanted to do the hayride, or the pony ride (altho again, she LOVED watching it pace around the small circle corral it was in)...we made our way to the bounce houses...and they had this one that was like a BIG pumpkin dome, filled with air, and had balloons blowing around in it. My daughter showed NO interest in it, until she saw another little girl her age going in, so....we hurried to get her a ticket *it was $4.50 for ONE ticket...and i had told the burn out guy that was manning teh bounce houses that i would get him the ticket but coukd he PLEASE just allow my daughter in while that little girl was still in there, cause i knew if she got out before we got her the ticket she wouldnt wanna go in...and he wouldn't allow her in. I was pissed i mean REALLY?! I paid $36 cover charge im not gonna burn you for a meesely ticket*....and she went inside. As i stood outside of the it, watching her from the clear "windows" of the pumpkin (the eyes of it)...i could see her and the other little girl. My dd, kept focuse don the lone purple balloon, SCREAMING "Hey, hey!" at it, as she tried to catch it, while it blew around..The other little girl was laughing and playing, waving to her mommy who was beside me looking into the other "window". I could see the little girl shooting my daughter these looks....looks of annoyance and irritation. Summer (my daughter) just kept chasing the balloon..laughing, and saying "hey balloon!!"...she even peered up at me and waved a few times. 

  The little girl exited the air pumpkin, and she said to her mom, "Ugh i wanna wait til that girl gets out! She's weeeeeiiiiiird!!"....and thats when i felt them, tears...tears dripping down my cheeks uncontrolably. It took every fiber of my being not to turn to this kid and her mom, and say SOMETHING (what i dont know, but im sure i could think of something)....but i stayed quiet. I stepped to the side of the pumpkin and wiped my eyes. My dd's father noticed i was crying and gave me a "look" of "whats wrong?!"..but i waved him away. I went back to watching my darling little girl enjoying herself, beautifully laughing with innocense and sheer joy....which of course made me cry HARDER....watching my darling being so sweet, so happy....and so DIFFERENT from a little girl that was the same age as she. I wasn't sad, i was HAPPY my daughter was different from taht "typical" child...my daughter doesnt judge, lie, mock, tease, or discriminate....she likes everyone...and she shares...shes a GENUINELY GOOD KID....where this "typical" kid wasn't...she was nasty...and she was only 3 maybe 4.

    As im standing there, tears saturating my shirt and face i am laughing hysterically at my wonderful little girl, who is chasing the purple balloon in circles, her hair blowing all over! I was gettin it all on camera.....suddenly, the burn out ticket taker says, "Maam, you gotta get that kid out now....other kids wanna go in"....and im like "Ok, so let them in! Or is it one child per however many minutes??" (which we BOTH knew would be bullshit if he said that was it, cause there had been that other little girl in it with my daughter only moment before).....the guy gave me this look of desperation, cause there was a small group of parents murmurring how their kids wanted to go in, but NOT while that little girl was in it...i soon realized the little girl who had called my dd weird was just one child in a group  of many...and all their moms were friends...so she mustve told them about "the weird little girl" and how she wont go in til shes out, so THEY now wouldn't go in til she was out. I felt awful, and i felt alone...like my daughters father was OBLIVIOUS to all of this going on...and here i was to deal with it alone like always.

  I allowed Summer 5 more minutes, and by that point i wanted to get as far away from that group of moms and their brats, cause i was loosing control and was bound to say or do something very un-ladylike. I had to go INSIDE this HUGE pumpkin air dome to get my daughter out, and of course she kicked, hit me, screamed, cried....and as i retrieved her...she lost a shoe so i was forced to go back in and get it. As i hugged my little girl tight to my body, rubbing her back, shooshing her softly, and whispering taht its ok....i could feel the eyes on the parents and that burn out shmuck on me...and just as i started to tell myself "who cares what they think"....i hear one of the little kids ask their mom , "whats WRONG with her?!?!" and the mother simply said, "NO, theres nothing WRONG....look at her! Shes just a spoiled brat"....i wanted to die...how could someone be so ignorant and cruel? a fellow mother with a toddler called MY baby a spoiled brat?? One of the other moms said , "No...i don't think tahts the case..she probably has that Autism"....and i never once said anything..i just kept my focus on my daughter, the way she had focused on that purple balloon...she was all that mattered, and it was time to go...SHE had a good time, and thats all i wanted....was to enjoy a day out with my wonderful, kind hearted daughter...

   What gets me, is that if a child doesn't "LOOK" like there is something "Wrong" with them, they are automatically deemed a brat if they act out...and with 1 in 80 kids being dx'd with some form of ASD, you would think MOST parent's would be at least SLIGHTLY informed on it....i don't think my skin will EVER be thick enough, to wheere it doesnt hurt me a little when some kid or person makes a judgment about me baby girl...and i think she is so easily written off my others as "weird" or "quirky" because she is SO high functioning, that her quirks, are deemed as just "weird behavior", and not a "disorder" which is SO OFF THE TARGET.....I just want my little girl to be happy, to enjoy the things she likes and is interested in....and like i did today...i will ALWAYS be there for my baby girl, but i know in my heart there will come a time where she technically wont be my "baby" anymore, and i wont be able to bear hug her, and carry her outta the situation to safety....and as kids get older they get MEANER a lot of time..so when she is in junior high, or high school...SHE will be the one that will have to have the thick skin..she will be the one who will have to speak up against the "mean girls" who call her names..and like i did so many years ago at the pumpkin farm, i will be there to hug her, tell her i love her and that she is so wonderful that her meere exsistance is proof there is a God.


  Someone once told me that Special parents get Special needs kids, cause WE can give them all the "SPECIAL LOVE" it is they so need....and now i know why she said that....cause it takes a certain kind of woman to do what we do...and i love ALL you moms who have been here for me...and i will ALWAYS be here for you...whether its a hug you need, an ear to vent too, a shoulder to cry on, or simply someone to shoosh you and tell you its gonna be alright...

   I

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:27 PM

I'm glad that Summer had such a good time.  Shame on those moms allowing their "typical" children to get away with acting like that.

hugs

autismmom13
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 5:55 PM
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HUGS TO YOU! Been there and its crushing!
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autismmom13
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 6:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow that brings back memories of a bad day also at a pumpkin patch. Our sons diagnosis was new and we were still learning his triggers. He had a meltdown and I heard a father state, "if more parent would spank there would be less of that sh** going on". I swooped up my child and left. After that I used a t-shirt that read "I have Autism, I'm not bad, and spanking won't cure me". Honestly it did help in situations like this. We learned his triggers and how better to handle them. Yet you can't fix everyone. Last year at field day a mother walked right up to me and in front of my sons classmates said "So what's wrong with you kid"? I was horrified as I looked at this mother who's sweet daughter was clearly 30lbs over weight in 2nd grade. The mother, in dirty clothing, covered in tattoo's was judging ME. I took a deep breath and calmly explained the situation telling myself not everyone has the sensitivty gene we wish they did. I applaud you for staying calm. You did good Mom. All we can do is love them through it!
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hopefulmom789
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 7:26 PM
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If My Curtis had been there with your little girl....they would have had a ball and  made that crowd doubly jealous!!!! I'm stsarting to realize that my little boy isnt the only one attacked by the the so called norm public. In wal-mart in the halloween section, i was shopping for an angry bird costume for Curtis. Curtis repeatedly waved and said hi to a girl about a year or two older. She told her mom that weird kid wont quit saying hi to me. She told her to ignore the little boy. I couldnt help myself from saying " This little boy is Curtis, and he is handicapped. Please be polite and just say hi." I smiled....the mom quickly hurried her girl and herself away. Curtis didnt wave to anyone else while we were there. I know he picked up on my unhappiness afterwards....It is very hard to not feel hurt and continue doing like nothing has happened. But just know that somewhere out here, are others that have your back......others with children like yours that are actually too good in their hearts for hard hearted children and their parents. :)

gammaw129
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 7:52 PM

My grandson is also high functioning /Aspergers and a sweet little guy.  If people, kids and parents, would give him a chance they would realize what a great kid he is.  He has been very lucky so far, but at age five (almost six) he is just beginning to get out there on his own.  I also like a phrase, "don't worry it's not contagious", haven't used it yet, but there may come a day.

Rachelle11503
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 10:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Aw I've got tears in my eyes. All I can say is I understand. We took our daughter to a big fair shortly after her diagnosis, and so many times I had tears well up in my eyes because for once I let her enjoy it HER way. To watch the wonder in her eyes as she looked at the barn filled with "collections", making my way through to make sure she could pet the soft bunny, taking her aside to "chill out" after being overstimulated. Luckily hubby watched her too and let her enjoy herself and take her time (He used to rush through everything)
I'm so sorry you had to deal with such ignorance, that is just heartbreaking for you and your beautiful daughter

love_my_angels
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 7:49 AM
That brought tears to my eyes. I don't bring my kids out in fear some one will say some thing. Both my sons have autisam and my youngest has cp too I'm so worried about the looks and if my son has a meltdown recently he has been having them a lot. It's just hard
XSummersXmommyX
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 7:59 AM
2 moms liked this

Its VERY HARD, but i must tell all you MOMS who responded...THANK YOU. This was the first thing i read when i woke up, and it made me cry, outta happiness.

  My daughter is EVERYTHING to me, and whether she has PDD or not i think if anyone was mean to her it would break my heart but it does even MORE SO, because of her "disability" *(ugh i hate that term)...and her sheer innocense to the nastiness in what the kids are saying or doing. My daughter is THE KINDEST child i have ever seen and im not just saying that because she is my kid...i can recognize the "negative" in her too, but in saying...she shares, she helps, shes polite...shes gentle, friendly, tender, and caring...i mean sh*t she asks her plushies if they are "ok" when they accidently fall!! She then picks them up and kisses them better...she is just through and through a good natured child. So when someone's kid, or even worse the parent is so nasty, it makes my blood boil, HOW DARE THEY JUDGE MY KID!? even before i had a child, i was NOT a "kid" person...i thought they were smelly, sticky, and kinda annoying...for a long time i didn't think i would EVER have kids, cause i knew i was kinda shallow, and self centered (then)....but if/when i heard kids being mean to another child, or an adult making noise about a kid i would get upset....so when it happened taht i had a baby, and taht baby turned to a toddler with Autism, my nerves for that kind of nastiness grew MORE senstive yknow? I just think it's wrong.

   Also, after showing my Father inlaw the video i had taken of Summer in the balloon/pumpkin dome...he went out while she was asleep last night and got her 25 BALLOONS!!! When we came down into the tv room this morning, the room was filled with them...i had to hold back my tears cause emotions of ANY sort make him uncomfortable....and my FIL and i have our issues, BELIEVE ME, but every now and then his heart comes through....

XSummersXmommyX
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:03 AM
5 moms liked this

here are some pix from yesterday....



Lucky324
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:58 AM
1 mom liked this

Bless you!  I have been there and I know the feelings you describe so well.  I really, really liked what you said about how special your daughter is because she does not judge, lie, mock, tease, or discriminate.  She loves everyone.  That is my daughter too. What wonderful qualities!   Our daughters will make some children wonderful friends some day because they are so loving.  Too bad those "typical" kids will miss out on a wonderful experience!  Keep on loving her up, Mom!

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