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will it get better with age? help me. :(

Posted by on Oct. 19, 2012 at 1:24 PM
  • 7 Replies
My son will be 5 years old next month. Ever since he was a toddler i noticed many of the autistic signs but refused to beleive it. The daycare told me abpout some issues he was having and suggested i call early steps wich i did. They did a bunch of questions and said that because he didnt flap his hands or was completely zoned out, that he didnt have it. My husband answered lots of the questions and pretty much said he did things he didnt. Anyways i didnt qualify for any type of help and my husband wouldnt have me talking about our child possibly having a the disorder. I worked with him as much as i could and he did start talking and comunicating at around 2 and a half. Late but he did it. His behavior goes back and forth, now that he is older he cant keep still almost bounces off the wall, He repeats things over and over again and will never be quiet. I have noticed he asksto play with the little neighbors yet he get very scared of going outside because he says there are bugs out there. He is having a hard time at school too because he cant really grab ahold of a pencil. When i see him interacting with kids his age, he plays fine but when it comes to talking to them.... well he just says nonsense. Sentences that have no meaning. He acts like an adult around them and bosses them around. Im scared he wont be able to make friends and i want to know if this will get better with age. He is my first child and i can already tell the difference between him and my 1 year old daughter who is already saying words and comunicating etc. I just dont know what to do. I keep wanting to get him help and took him to the pediatrician a few weeks ago and told him my concerns. He just asked my child to look at him and since my child did, that was the end of that and gave me number of a psychiatrist and told me if he continues behaving that way that maybe he could help out. He never tested him for anything. Will he better with age? I noticed he did get better cause he started talking and comunicating with us just want to know what i can do. Someone with more knowledge please help me.
by on Oct. 19, 2012 at 1:24 PM
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by Emma on Oct. 19, 2012 at 1:48 PM

Sounds a lot like my son... who didn't get diagnosed until 8 when the social expectations exceeded his limited abilities an it was clear that his quirks weren't "age" related.

A lot of toddlers will have some autistic-style behaviors when learning to communicate, it's "do they out grow them" that they watch for if they aren't sure if a kid is autistic or not due to being verbal and other things.

I can tell a HUGE difference between my son and his sister. the way she hugs and interacts with us, the way she observes before playing with others, the way she'll talk/interact with strangers. She has boundaries, and she tries to figure out what's going on before she engages, unlike my son who babbles and has no boundaries and no abiltiy to read the situation.

He was my first too and I was told he seemed normal.

He and I were both diagnosed with classic autism this year by an autism specialist. For what it's worth, the things that are important to you, may not even matter to him in the bigger picture.... so my suggestion is, no matter WHAT his diagnoses is, teach him skills that let him co-exist and function with others, and don't expect him to live up to your dreams on waht you want him to be. Give him the tools, and let him pick his own path.

I never wanted friends until I was an adult, and even then, I'm very selective and picky on who I want to talk too. My son will talk to *anyone* with no boundaries and it's gotten him bullied and picked on a lot because others aren't so tolerating of his differences. We make him aware of them, and explain what makes him different and why it upset the person so he can learn how to change his behaviors if he wants to play or interact with people.

Realistically though - he does best with kids who have a similar interest to him and can talk about things they like together.... giving them a starting point for conversation that makes sense.

Otherwise, my son just blurts out random stuff, bosses people around, and then eventually meltsdown because he can't figure out how to do stuff with out guidance.

His current friends are aware of his differences, so will make a point to offer suggestions while playing to help guide the play so it doesn't confuse or overwhelm him. Which really makes a difference for him being able to play with no issues. 

by Amy on Oct. 19, 2012 at 3:14 PM

Some things might improve, but I wouldn't expect anything to "get better with age" if he is truly autistic.

by on Oct. 19, 2012 at 3:45 PM
Thank you for the replies. I just mainly want him to have friends and be able to function at school. I have many dreams for my son as i do for my daughter and i dont want to ever think they cant come true. I think my son bosses the other kids around because he imitates alot. He imitates me alot and he does this while playing with friends. I guess he doesnt know what else to do. I hate the way the other kids look at him sometimes, like he is crazy. They walk away alot and i can tell he really wants them to play with him. I have lost alot of sleep because of this and just truly hope that while he gets older, he knows how to hold a conversation. Can i ask you all a question? If he was diagnosed with autism,, how would it change him? I mean will therapy teach him how to hold conversations and how to stop immitating and reapeating things and how to not be afraid of loud noises or going outside? I have put him in a private school and the teacher just tells me that she thinks he is imature for his age and thats all. He has some good days and some bad days. Yesturday he came home and showed me his paper that had vowels in it. He imediately started imitating his teacher and saying the sound of the vowels and the words that have them. He doesnt understand when i ask him simple things like, "what did you do at school today". He stays quiet like thinking hard and then he says the same thing every day,,, "play". I feel worried. Please tell me,,, will getting him diagnosed and having im go to therapy help him at all?
by on Oct. 20, 2012 at 6:55 AM
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 When a child is TRULY Autistic (any form) DOES NOT GET BETTER WITH AGE. That was one of the big "theories" my daughters father, and his parents seem to have when i was intent on getting my dd evaluated...i was being told "Wait and see, im sure it will get better as she gets older", but i went with my MOMMY GUT and was right. THANK GOD i did what i did, cause i can NOT IMAGINE if i had waited, and she didn't get dx'd til she was 5 or 8!! The progress she has made in this past year since her dx is PHENOMINAL, and there is just simply NO WAY she would have gotten here "with age"!! KIDS ARE NOT CHEESE OR WINE :O) especially ASD kids...(in the sense that "it" gets better as they get older).

  My daughters ABA therapist once told me that if a child with ASD goes un dx'd it gets HARDER for the parents to not only get the proper services, but it gets harder for the therapist/teachers to REACH the child. More time in there "little world"=MORE TIME TO GET THEM OUT.....get me? I remember i started bawling my eyes out when she told me that, and i was SO relived i had gotten her the evaluated when i did, and was able to get such GREAT EI services and therapists.

by on Oct. 22, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Can you tell me who i can call to get my child re-evaluated? My pediatrician gave me the number of a shrink but i didnt feel good to take him there. Do you think they might be able to help him out more?
by on Oct. 22, 2012 at 11:55 AM

Your son sounds alike like mine at that age.  My son is now 9 years old and has aspergers.  

If I were you, I'd take him to an educational psychologist.  Tell your husband, the truth, that a psychologist can't prescribe medicine and is simply going to give educational tests to determine where your son's educatioanl weaknesses are and how to address those issues.  

If you child is on the spectrum, the psychologist should easily spot it and recommend the appropriate screenings.

by on Oct. 22, 2012 at 12:19 PM

Try a neuropsychologist or a developmental pediatrician to get developmental testing done.  Waiting lists for testing are often long.  

As you've experienced, not all doctor are equally familiar with or qualified to diagnose a child.  A doctor who tells you that your child does not have autism because they do not flap their hands or can make eye contact is a doctor who is not qualified to diagnose.  That is faulty criteria.  I had a psychologist and a neurologist both dismiss my concerns about my kids' autism due to crazy reasoning like that, and the doctors never even performed any other tests to validate their decision.  My kids were later diagnosed by a team of doctors at my local Children's Hospital who did thorough testing and evaluation.  Their explanations for the diagnosis completely matched the symptoms I was seeing in my kids.

There are certainly some behaviors that will improve over time, but there are other behaviors that will become more pronounced.  My kids were diagnosed at 8 & 12yrs.  Several of their behaviors became more pronounced as they got older, when more was expected of them at school, and they had a harder time coping.

There is no "fix," but as you learn more about autism, the better you'll understand their behaviors and triggers and learn how better to interact with them and how to help them better interact with others.  Certainly the younger the child is when they begin to get supports, the easier it will be for them to learn new skills and behaviors.  

Some of the things you mention are things that your son could be getting supports for.  Such as getting physical therapy for better pencil grasp and writing skills, or speech therapy to learn pragmatic speech for interacting with others and for overcoming the echolalia (repeating things over and over that he's heard).  Once you get a diagnosis, the doctor can provide recommendations for what kinds of therapies and supports would be best for your son.  

Best wishes.

Quoting crisof:

Can you tell me who i can call to get my child re-evaluated? My pediatrician gave me the number of a shrink but i didnt feel good to take him there. Do you think they might be able to help him out more?

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