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Need encouragement on keeping positive!

Posted by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
  • 9 Replies

I'm new here, although I was on this site years ago.

Anyway, I really need a support systems and I daydream about sneaking out in the middle of the night and never coming back!  I'm so burned out and exhausted.  I sometimes wonder how I can make it another day.  After today's incident I don't want to take my son anywhere again. 

It is so hard to get him to leave places, to get him to 'transition to an undesired activity' as his IEP states!  We went to church, then to lunch and by then I was ready for home but I promised him a trip to a trampoline place where he could use his allowence.  1 hour was $10 and it was time to go.  Carrying a 2yr old and chasing him around was the norm, even with repeated count down when time was up.  He had a major melt down.  I got him outside where he was beating up the car so I put him in a hold until he could calm down.  I managed to get him in the car but he wouldn't get in a seat.  I had to drive home with him on the floorboard.

We made it safely but this is like the 100th time he's pulled this on me.  I don't think I can take him anywhere "fun" again!  Please give me advice as I'm about to give up these trips all together.

Stephanie banging head into wall

by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
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Replies (1-9):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

hugs  I'm sorry it turned out to not be a very good day.

VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh wow, I know how that feels! Restaurants have been a no go for us, its just too restrictive to have to sit in one spot, and my daughter is almost afraid of food. It never works out. One thing we did do was to get my mom to take her out a few afternoons a week, for probably 5 or 6 months she did this, and she would just take her out to different places, stay for as long as they could, and then go. Sometimes it was just to the grocery store. I feel like it did her so much good, it has helped her with transitions quite a bit. Practice helps. That being said, it is still usually a good 2 or 3 times going to a place before she is genuinely ok with it. Its part of autism, they can work on this during ABA if you are going that route. You'll have good and bad days, we all do I'm sure. The hardest part of autism is letting go of the idea of the perfect childhood moments. Just breathe and hope for better next time, tomorrow is a new day.

KatyTylersMom
by Silver Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I totally feel you with the "well damn I guess we're never doing anything that's REALLY fun again!!!" 

With my daughter we have to describe what is going to happen the night before, the day of, the hour before, when we arrive at the location of OMFG GOOD TIMES SUPER FUN ACTIVITY, and then during said activity, and then give the 5 min 1 min ok time to go countdown.  It helps, doesn't necessarily make it magically A-OK to leave the carousel, trampoline, park, etc. but it definitely helps.  We've been doing this "prep work" with her around her non preferred activities too like leaving mommy or daddy when it's time to go into speech therapy school or what have you. 

Now that we go over it, "Daniel Tiger" style as I call it (yes, I do sometimes sing and make up songs to the Daniel Tiger tunes) and go over what is going to happen and how she'll react.  So an example.  Katy, guess what - tomorrow morning you get to go to speech school and you'll go in the car with daddy, and have your water, and when you get to school you'll walk to the door with daddy and say "BYE DADDY I LOVE YOU" and go in and sit in your favorite blue chair and you'll get to bring .... " do that night before, morning of, in the car, and then step by step as we're actually walking into school. 

1twiggy
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

 Your story to me is like I am looking at the past with my child, my child has pdd/nos commonly known now as Autism Spectrum Disorder, I don't know if this would help, but this is what I done to help my child and myself to have better fun day's out without meltdowns, I would sit him down in a quiet room two day's before the planned day to the park first of all to prepare him, I would then tell him that his behavior the last time at the park was not fun for mum, and I didn't really want to do it again, I then went on to say that I was willing to try again as long as you listen to mum when it's time to go, and have no more tears, tell him he has ten or twenty minutes on the swings, what ever you decide before the day and stick to it, remind him of the time at ten minutes then when time is up say Conor it's now time to go, remind him of the talk and agreement you had prior to going, Don't forget to reward him for good behavior, if he leaves the park quietly and praise him so much on the way home , it will take time and a few more meltdowns, but it will work if you stick to it, keep me posted.

Autiziumom
by Ana on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
Wow sounds like my son anyday! I'm Ana by the way! My son Ezekiel is 8 and quiet the screamer. I am trying everyday to take him out somewhere where u just don't take my son! Last Monday we were at the bank. Surprisily he did very well. But going home is always a horor. As well to get him out of a fun place it takes a lot of priming from my part. My voice is soooo used up. And have three girls. It must look funny me all short running after my girls and my son tantroming in public. Yep I'm just about done by 6 pm! LITERAALY! But I manage to do somethings for myself. My husband is such a big help. And I'm starting to ask for help! I had an anxiety attack 3 mons ago. Sooo by force I HAVE to take care of myself. Cheer up mom, u were meant for this!!m :-)
hudsonhawk
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for your post.  Our son is so high functioning that we can do things but at the same time we are never sure what is going to set him off.  However I can pretty much determin that it is never going to be easy to get him to leave somewhere he is having a good time.  I feel like giving up but hearing things from other moms will help me!  Sorry for your troubles, hope things gets better for your children and your selves. 

Stephanie   love you sign

ddsunshine
by New Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM

I am in the same boat. I can't take my child anywhere. WHen I do its total temper tantrum mode all the time, carrying him around etc..  Autism has and slowly destroying our family due to the fact my husband and I are beyond exhausted, have no time for friends, date nights nothing of the norm that other families would have.

Many days I cry at the end of the day just to say I have made another day to start all over again the next.

Stay strong!!!! Is my only advice.

mommypowerx5
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I Feel your pain. It is very challenging to be a parent .... most of the time. Wal Mart used to be a horrible experience , but I started giving her a red tootsie pop before we went in to wal mart and as long as my shopping is done before the tootsie pop is gone then it goes well. So then I started giving her a tootsie pop before we left anywhere , yes .... I know that the sugar is bad , and it doesnt have enuff red dye to effect her behaviors , But it has allowed me to go to wal mart and it allows us to leave a place with out all the stares and tantrums. Going out to eat is just something we can not do at this time , McDonalds is about the best we can do. Keep your chin up , I keep hearing it gets better and some things have , baby steps.

hudsonhawk
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 12:47 PM

@ ddsunshine:

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear you are having a hard time.  Thank you for replying.  As a mom it starts to feel like you are all alone but the truth is we aren't and it's great to share.  I will pray for you and your family.  Remember to take deap breathes!  For me, I don't want to take him anywhere but I have to.  I took him to another play place and they let you stay as long as you like.  It's alway easier to leave there because he wares himself out!  The other place was just one hour:(  I have to keep trying and remind myself that no one is perfect and to ignore the stares when he throws a tantrum.  Hang in there and we will both get through this, at least until they get older and move out!

Stephanie

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