Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Initial reaction/ how did you handle it?

Posted by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 3:23 PM
  • 23 Replies

How did you mothers/fathers handle the initial diagnoses? when your child was diagnosed how did you feel, what were your thoughts, anxieties, fears? When did you start over comming bad feelings?

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 3:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Cafe AmyS
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 3:47 PM

Relief.  We new that something was there and putting a name to it was a relief.

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 4:03 PM

I was relieved but sad. You sometimes hope you are mistaken. gut I knew almost since birth with my son!

My parents do not believe same with friends. I unfortunately lost friends and contacts because of it. But I fell screw them. My little man is awesome. They are the gerks who can seee past the diagnosis.  :)

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 4:03 PM
Grief- lots of it
Crying sadness... Cried an entire year and then some
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 5:07 PM

We really had no clue our son had autism. Cause his doc said he just slow cause he was born early. He never put his toys in line. But it's funny cause now that is what he does. And he never hit head on wall or floor.  We found out after he was 4that he has autism.  We kept asking how when he not doing stuff and doc missed it. I think I'm more sad cause he not getting the therapy he needs. And worried about  his brother having autism.  So we stressed and sad cause very little therapy.

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 5:43 PM
1 mom liked this

I was the one to figure it out, and it was hard convincing my husband it was autism in the time before our formal diagnosis, he didn't accept it at first, and when he did, he got kind of depressed about it. I didn't really get sad, I just got to work researching and reading everything I could about it, changing her diet, booking therapies etc. I have probably read 20 books on it, and I research treatments online every day. I had some bad days, but for a long time now I have been content knowing I'm doing the best I can to help her. My husband has somewhat come around, he can definitely see how well she's doing with all the changes I've made for her, so it helps.

Violet's Mom

Twitter @autismnotebook

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 8:12 PM

It made sense.  I was mad because it took 3 years before he has diagnosed and I was looking for help for him all that time and everyone would say "oh no it's not autism." I felt like we missed alot of the early intervention that could have happened. Then I felt overwhelmed. I usually research everything extensively and read everything I can get my hands on, but I've just barely been able to pick up a book about autism and that was 3 years ago. So here I am now, a little wiser and ready to deal with it.

by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:18 PM
2 moms liked this
My husband went through the traditional stages of grief. The first stage was grief. We mourned like we had lost a child. Then we got angry... at everything and everyone... finally, acceptance. It took about 6 months before we got to that point. My mother in law helped and was supportive from the start, regardless of what stage we were in. My father in law didn't understand, and still doesn't quite "get it", but he tries. He actually bought a book called "not my son" by rodney peete. It helped my husband understand things and work through his feelings since it was from a man's perspective. I worked through things, had several dozen good cries, and then one day, I simply said "enough of the pity party. This isn't helping me or my son". After that, I found strength I never knew I had, and refocused my energies on what I could do and how I could help my son and find a new "normal" with the whole family.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by Silver Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 7:43 AM

I knew before we got the results back. 

I knew for a while. The diagnosis for me was just confirmation of knowledge I already had.

I still felt it though. I was ... relieved, upset, blaming myself, all kinds of things. Then realized that the diagnosis doesn't change my child. It only changes the options that are open to me.

by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2012 at 7:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Like other folks on here, I felt great relief that there was a name and a reason for what was going on and I was so excited to be able to start figuring out how to help my son.  He was six when he was finally diagnosed (he is eight now) so it was kind of late to get him into any programs here.  We live in Japan and there was nothing available for me in English (or for him - he was too old to get into any programs at the children's hospital where he was diagnosed). I went to amazon and bought way too many books on autism, PDD-NOS, and Asperger's.  And then I cried.  When I got a bit of an understanding of what life had been/is like for my son and the ways I handled things just broke my heart.  I felt like I had done everything wrong, thought I was an awful mom, etc etc.  I stopped reading all of the books because I completely overwhelmed myself and later on reassessed where we were and what we knew.  And then I realized that I had all of the tools I needed to help my son and just decided to take it day by day and to stop blaming myself for how I acted in the past.  I think as parents we always try to do what is right and we do the best we can with what we have, and I have so much more knowledge now that it is easier to understand where my son is coming from and why he is acting the way he is.  There are still challenges, to be sure, but I am much more confident in my ability to handle whatever comes my way and am pleased with how my son and I are developing and growing together.  I could spend a lot of time worrying about things and make a point not to because it is a waste of time and energy.  I would rather focus on things that my son can do and slowly branch out from there, expanding his experiences and positive outcomes.  There's acceptance, things do get easier, and there is so much more joy and happiness in our lives now.  It takes time and a lot of hard work, but our lives are so much better since the diagnosis.

by Kari on Nov. 22, 2012 at 9:00 AM

I knew something was off with my boy at about 6 months and I mentioned autism to his doctor who said he was normal and I was one of those over reactive moms. I have been grieving off and on ever since but now as he gets older and he is starting to become his own person (he is eight) I am starting to see that just like everyone he is going to have his own path in this life and with plenty of support he is going to be fine. 

The feelings come in waves for me and I just deal with them as they come, it is a continuing process so don't think of it as having an end. You become better equipt at dealing but it still hurts, it is still hard and you can feel isolated. If you know even one mom in you community reach out and ask her if she ever wants to talk. Slip her your email or invite her to coffee. Their is power in numbers and we are everywhere.

Count your blessing, focus on the things your child can do, we all have our gifts... even if they are quirky!

Good luck sweetie, hang in there. The sadness does get easier as you give up what you thought it would be and shift into accepting who they are. But isn't that true of all kids really?

xo kari

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)