Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I need help and need to vent

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM
  • 5 Replies
Okay I need some help and maybe some suggestions about a luring problem as well as an organizational issue . My DS is 12 almost 13 lately his problem with lowing to us has increased by a lot now. I know some of this is age and some is because he wants to make us happy but it has taken on a very serious turn . The serious turn is he has being not been turning in the excuse notes from being absent and today we got a note saying he is truent and we have to report for a school hearing in January because of it . Now his teachers and especially his case manager have been working really hard to get him organized. We had tried folders for every class which would stay in class for class work and binders as well as a homework folder that kinda worked last year . Well it wasn't this year so his case manager talked to one of the other special Ed teachers and came up with using the acordien folders one for his am classes and another for his pm classes as well as one for homework. That seems to be a lot less over welming for him and work awhile lot better . Well last week we had an eligibility meeting and his teachers gave me a copy of his grades and a print out of the assignments ect . Well he has been sick a lot ately and so he has been absent a lot . So I expected his grades would reflect that a little but to my surprise they were really low cause he was mussing a lot of assignments due to him not getting his make up work .So we went over that (he and I hisDad works nights) and I wrote them all down for each class and put that in his folders . When asked why he was missing this stuff he finally confessed to lieing about getting the make up work . Okay important lie number one then Monday night I happen to have to move his backpack out of my chair and noticed that it had a lot of loose papers in it and I asked him about it .His reply was most that that most of it was trash .Well I started going through it and found some of the missing assignments as well as a lot of the notes from when he has been absent so I got on him about it and told him I was putting them in his homework folder to turn in the next day .Well that never happened lie number 2 . So this evening he hands me a letter saying we have to go to a hearing in January at the school about why is is going on . So my question is what do I do about the listing, the lack of organization. And what do I do about the hearing? I thought about getting an advocate but don't know how to get one .
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
photosofthem
by on Dec. 5, 2012 at 11:33 PM
1 mom liked this

id try extremely consistent positive  reinforcement " he brings every he is supposed to he get something special"  if he doesnt  or lies there is a consequence .....as far as him skipping schhool i work along the terms that i trust you until i cant so i do what i need to to keep track of you there are tracking apps your best tool is consistency do what you say your going to do and 100 of the time it will motivate to alter the bad behavior and reinforce him to change it

Ajisai43
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 1:09 AM

Does your son have an IEP? It seems like this is exactly the kind of thing his teachers should be working on, with you and your son together.  It also sounds like there is a real lack of clear communication going on with the school.  My son will realize he has homework right before he goes to bed and rather than admit that he made a mistake and trying to fix it he will usually try to hide it or throw it away.  Perhaps your son is doing or feeling something similar? Does he have a daily schedule that he follows? With my son he has to do homework for 30 minutes a day, and it is homework that I give him because his school doesn't give much to the kids in special ed classes.  Anyway, he has to do his homework before he can watch TV or go out and play,  and sometimes he loses out on TV time because he dilly dallies around and then the next step is that he has to finish before dinner.  He has been known to go to bed without dinner on occasion, but for the most part homework is done because he misses out on too much fun stuff at home if he doesn't.  Maybe offering some sort of reward or making point chart might help him get things done? Does your sin have any ideas of his own to make things smoother? Ask for his input? Is there a possibility of finding a study buddy, someone he can do his homework with? Just thinking out loud here, but I hope you find some good answers somewhere!

MamaDevil3
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:23 AM

Okay I think you have the wroung idea my son isn't skipping school he just never turned in the notes from being absent . As for the other I do the same about homework he has to have it done before anything else like watching TV or playing outside . For the most part he is pretty good about getting it done he does get distracted and have to be redirected back to his work . Also like was said we have a problem with not telling me he has homework till late sometimes that's why I really make it a point to ask about it when he gets home from school .  Our problem is that he hasn't asked for his makeup work from school and his lack of organization which his teachers have tried to really help him with and for the most part it is working . But like alot of ASD kids he really wants to tell us what he thinks we want to hear so like was said he will lie to us instead of admitting he didn't do something . I agree that the school has dropped the ball on this and he does have an IEP in place . Last night I got to looking at the notes and the dates on them and the earliest one was from October 6th . So I don't understand why I wasn't contacted sooner and why his case manager at school wasn't notified about it . I have called the school and left a message for his assistant principal who knows him very well in hoped that since in the handbook it says that they can make exceptions on these matters maybe he will if I show him all the notes and dates on them .I'm just not sure what exactly the procedure is for kids with his needs that have an IEP in placeas far as problems with the attendance goes . Also I think maybr getting an advocate for him is neccesary but I don't know how to get one .

amonkeymom
by Amy on Dec. 6, 2012 at 2:16 PM

I agree.  He needs motivation to get to class on time, not just consequences when he doesn't make it there.

Quoting photosofthem:

id try extremely consistent positive  reinforcement " he brings every he is supposed to he get something special"  if he doesnt  or lies there is a consequence .....as far as him skipping schhool i work along the terms that i trust you until i cant so i do what i need to to keep track of you there are tracking apps your best tool is consistency do what you say your going to do and 100 of the time it will motivate to alter the bad behavior and reinforce him to change it


jaydensmom1726
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 10:32 PM

i know from experiance where he is at i was the same way when i was that age .i was always on time to class.

but because i had special needs nobody expected me to go anywhere in life and nobody pushed me to do better or cared if i did better

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)