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Is your child's teacher a bully?

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:15 PM
  • 15 Replies
I strongly believe that my child's teacher is bullying him, but getting solid evidence to prove it to someone else is nearly impossible. Still, I contacted the principal to register a complaint. My job is to protect my son and believe him when no one else will. He says that she yells at him all the time, humiliates him in class, takes away his privileges for being disruptive, ... My son has AS. He's never been a troublemaker, but he can't control his excitement sometimes -- he's jovial which I love about him. His teacher calls him "annoying" and "rambunctious". My son calls her mean and hates going to school. He's always excelled academically until this year, his third-grad year. Now, he's in danger of failing and is *so* depressed when I pick him up from school. Something is horribly wrong in the classroom!! And, if anything else, his teacher knows that I intend to make it right!
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by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
blessedhappymom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:54 PM
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Annoying? That's a horrible thing for an educator to say of a student. Good thing you filed your complaint. I homeschool my son, so not experience with teachers like that. Good job for letting this teacher know you won't sit back and stay quite about this!!
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kajira
by Emma on Dec. 6, 2012 at 7:58 PM

By the end of second grade, I knew we had to change the way he was schooled, we chose to homeschool. Academically, it's not completely fair to the teachers either to have a child in class who disrupts all the other students andt he lessons constantly.

I love my son and he excells academically, but he couldn't hack it in a mainstream classroom. as much as I love my son, it also wasn't fair to the other students or teachers either when he just wasn't ready for that environment. 

The progressed socially, and in a classroom setting where things change and they are expected to keep up with the other students - and my son still acts like a tiny little kid.... but he's not academically behind in a way were I could keep him where his mental age is.

I understand your point though. Teachers not understanding and finding it irritating or hard to deal with, there's better ways to handle it.


But at the same time, I also felt it wasn't fair to the other kids to have my son cause problems in class just because he wasn't at the same maturity stage they were.

puck4432
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:21 PM
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We've gone through this; one teacher told my son he was going to go to prison.  The problem with her was that she tried to be helpful, but lost her temper when it didn't work.  She put a strip of velcro on his desk so he had something of a different texture to mess with and that worked for him with the styming but he still got bored because he was done way ahead of the others.  We finally chose to put him in a charter school.  He goes 2 days a week and we homeschool the rest.  Seems to work well for him behaviorally.

VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:35 PM
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That just doesn't seem fair at all, I mean, they want to have them integrated with the other kids...well, they better get used to it or find a better way to react! Maybe you could give them some tips on what works for you when he is acting hyper, maybe something as simple as stepping out of class for 5 minutes, and running around the gym a few times might get his energy out and get him focused again.

MissTacoBell
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:44 PM
2 moms liked this
Wire him. Let it record all day. I did that once last year when I noticed that he stunk like one of his aides cheap perfume and he didn't seem so like walking to class with her (loved the other aides and the head teacher). She would call him a PITA when he needed a new diaper. And she said "your clothes always smell musty" *spritz, spritz* that's better.

Played it for principle and head teacher. Aide magically got dismissed the next day. I used a plain lecture recorder I bought at Walmart. Set it to record and put it in his pocket. He has a dial in gps locator now and I can dial into his class anytime and listen to the goings on. His current class is awesome.
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binhexmom
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 6:56 AM
Sadly, his teacher hasn't taken any of my suggestions. Isn't that sad? Her perception is that my son is trying to run her class and that I don't teach him to be responsible for his action -- my family and friends laugh when I tell them this because my son is always well-behaved. I told her that her perception is why my son is having problems in her class. LOL I'm long past holding my tongue now.

I have no patience for people who villainize children with special needs and their families. If she has no interest in helping my son excel in her class or find placement in another, she shouldn't be a teacher.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

That just doesn't seem fair at all, I mean, they want to have them integrated with the other kids...well, they better get used to it or find a better way to react! Maybe you could give them some tips on what works for you when he is acting hyper, maybe something as simple as stepping out of class for 5 minutes, and running around the gym a few times might get his energy out and get him focused again.


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Bluerose1482
by Bronze Member on Dec. 7, 2012 at 7:27 AM
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Does he have an IEP or and IAP or a behavior plan?  If so, how does that document say his behavior should be handled?  Is it being followed?  I would call the person who wrote his plan and scheduel an emergency meeting.  Discuss your concerns.  My son has always 'meshed-well' with his teachers.  However, it is in the back of my mind that one day he might not--which will be a disaster. 

In your situation, nothing short of moving him to a new class would satisfy me--Period.  I'd meet with the principal and explain that.  To get the best result, don't make accusations against the teacher (ie state that she's bullying your son).  It will make everyone at the school defensive because they are her friends and they want to protect her.  I would say something like, "I'm not blaming her and not saying she isn't a good teacher, but it is obvious that, for whatever reason, she and Billy do not have a very positive relationship.  I feel that it would be best for everyone if Billy was assigned a new teacher, even if it is temporary, to give them a break from each other and see if he will do better with a change of environment." 

VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:10 AM

Wow, go MOM P.I.! I would have been so mad too if my kid was getting sprayed with perfume! A little perfume and I have a headache all day, imagine how a sensitive kid feels!

Quoting MissTacoBell:

Wire him. Let it record all day. I did that once last year when I noticed that he stunk like one of his aides cheap perfume and he didn't seem so like walking to class with her (loved the other aides and the head teacher). She would call him a PITA when he needed a new diaper. And she said "your clothes always smell musty" *spritz, spritz* that's better.

Played it for principle and head teacher. Aide magically got dismissed the next day. I used a plain lecture recorder I bought at Walmart. Set it to record and put it in his pocket. He has a dial in gps locator now and I can dial into his class anytime and listen to the goings on. His current class is awesome.


VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this

It is sad. Our kids are so sensitive to peoples energy too, he reacts to it, she gets more mad, its a vicious circle. I would definitely push to get him into a new class. Nobody deserves a bully.

Quoting binhexmom:

Sadly, his teacher hasn't taken any of my suggestions. Isn't that sad? Her perception is that my son is trying to run her class and that I don't teach him to be responsible for his action -- my family and friends laugh when I tell them this because my son is always well-behaved. I told her that her perception is why my son is having problems in her class. LOL I'm long past holding my tongue now.

I have no patience for people who villainize children with special needs and their families. If she has no interest in helping my son excel in her class or find placement in another, she shouldn't be a teacher.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

That just doesn't seem fair at all, I mean, they want to have them integrated with the other kids...well, they better get used to it or find a better way to react! Maybe you could give them some tips on what works for you when he is acting hyper, maybe something as simple as stepping out of class for 5 minutes, and running around the gym a few times might get his energy out and get him focused again.



binhexmom
by on Dec. 7, 2012 at 10:21 AM

He doesn't have an IEP yet, but one is in the works.

You're right about accusations resulting in defensiveness, and I wish I had thought about that before I contacted administrators.  My son was so incredibly depressed when I picked him up from school that day, and I completely lost it.  I had spoken to his teacher the first time that he came home depressed to see what was the cause and to ensure that it didn't happen again... Then, it happened again.  I had never seen my son in that state before, and it terrified and infuriated me.

It's true that you catch more bees with honey.  It's not easy to admit that I've created a bigger obstacle for me and my son as a result, but I will definitely learn from this mistake.  

Yes, I still think his teacher is a bully...  I just shouldn't have vocalized it so harshly.  Thanks for the advice @Bluerose1482.

Quoting Bluerose1482:

Does he have an IEP or and IAP or a behavior plan?  If so, how does that document say his behavior should be handled?  Is it being followed?  I would call the person who wrote his plan and scheduel an emergency meeting.  Discuss your concerns.  My son has always 'meshed-well' with his teachers.  However, it is in the back of my mind that one day he might not--which will be a disaster. 

In your situation, nothing short of moving him to a new class would satisfy me--Period.  I'd meet with the principal and explain that.  To get the best result, don't make accusations against the teacher (ie state that she's bullying your son).  It will make everyone at the school defensive because they are her friends and they want to protect her.  I would say something like, "I'm not blaming her and not saying she isn't a good teacher, but it is obvious that, for whatever reason, she and Billy do not have a very positive relationship.  I feel that it would be best for everyone if Billy was assigned a new teacher, even if it is temporary, to give them a break from each other and see if he will do better with a change of environment." 


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