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Stupid teacher, how do I deal with her?

Posted by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:51 PM
  • 19 Replies

My son had to switch schools. Not because of his behavior but because of others behavior and a lack of any help from the school. He's done really well with the switch. He's a stud. 

Well learning the ropes, routines, schedules of a new school is really challenging. It's hard for any kid to switch mid-year, but for any child on the AS its even worse. The first few days I've waked him in, helped him find his seat, helped learn what he has to do before class starts. All the things I can besides sit with him all day holding his hand. After school I pick him up and we go over the leaving for the day routines. Backpack, lunch box, homework, chair pushed in. And talk to the teacher about how the day went and everything else. I feel having a close relationship with my children's teachers helps. It helps teachers to know they can come to me. It makes sure my kids know there is no games allowed because I talk to the teacher.

anyway, he's been at this school almost 2weeks now. The teacher has already pulled me aside to discuss the possibility of my son having some form of autism. Check, nice going teacher, we are figuring that out as we speak. Another time she is sure he's somehow cheating on his math facts. Nope, he just knows them. Sorry teacher. A third time a different conversation comes up, she can read a story to the entire class, send them to take a quiz, my son doesn't pass. Only one in the class who doesn't. She's concerned about his comprehension and retention. I figure valid concern, how does she want me to help with this at home. We read every night, he is read to and reads on his own. She wants myself and her to try and help him learn how to remember books and stories. Remind him when he's quizzing, to read all the answers, think about whatever characters are in the question. Normal stuff. So I've been doing that with him. 

Today wonderful teacher snaps at me for doing just this. Helping my son. I'm not giving him the answers. I'm trying to help him remember by pointing out characters and the question. She snaps at me that at other school parents have to be 10feet away from quizzing students. I wanted to turn around nd flip her off. (I didn't) but it made my son shut down. He turned off the quiz and went and hid. I was so angry at her. Then here comes math facts. The kids get 1 minute to complete 40 problems. Ready set go, everyone is writing. The math brought my son back to his desk without anyone having to convince him. He loves his dang numbers that much. 1minute over and they go one more time. This time teacher lost track of time, the whole class only got 45 seconds (I was watching the clock) my son didnt finish his 40problems. He couldn't leave them blank though so he finished them after the time. Teacher came up to him very last and not looking at him or his paper told him his didnt count he cheated and if he cheats again she won't let him continue doing his math facts with the class. 

Yes I know he didnt finish on time. Yes I know he kept writing. But to tell him he cheated in front of the whole class, I'm one really angry, upset mom. I walked out after checking on my son. But I don't know what to say to teacher. I'm angry with her. 

How do I deal with this?

by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 4:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
blessedhappymom
by Bronze Member on Dec. 6, 2012 at 5:33 PM
2 moms liked this
My good friend is a teacher. Her advice is to request a meeting with teacher and administrator to express concerns. Check to see if this is a problem with the teacher, the student or the work in general and focus on a resolution. Teachers can be bullies and you need to show moxy. Don't let her think she can push you or your son around.
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VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 6, 2012 at 6:28 PM

Were you trying to hide the autism from the teacher? Why would she have come up to you after 2 weeks and suggested he might have autism? I think if you want him to be understood for who he is and what he needs, you need to be up front and lay it all on the table. If he's not good at testing, or he needs someone as an aide, or more time with certain subjects then get it written into an IEP and make it happen. You can't be there helping him every day, I dont mean to offend you at all, but that is their space and their rules. Unless its in an IEP then they can't change anything about the cirriculum, and he'll be expected to do everything  just like any other kid there.

MomtoLou
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:51 PM

When I switched him schools I had to sit down and meet with the principal. Since we are doing the testing through a clinic here in our area and not through the school, I let the principal know what was going on with him. He doesn't have an iep yet. Why she chose to tell me she thinks he has autism, her words, in the two weeks he has been here, he has ignored all advances from the other kids to be friends. He won't speak in a group. I can't talk to him without him crying or tearing up. At recess he takes a soccer ball and repetitively kicks it against a wall alone. Her other concern was there isn't a written up schedule in her class and he is constantly checking the clock, and acts agitated when she changes whatever they are doing. 

Until he has an iep I know that nothing is required for her to do. But it just seemed like today she was so different then any other times I have dealt with her. Snapping at me in front of my child and other students for doing exactly what she had told me to do before to help him. Then singling him out after only once of not following the rules with that math page. 

It just seems like her bad day maybe got pointed at my son and myself. Me I can deal with but not my son. 

Quoting VioletsMomTown:

Were you trying to hide the autism from the teacher? Why would she have come up to you after 2 weeks and suggested he might have autism? I think if you want him to be understood for who he is and what he needs, you need to be up front and lay it all on the table. If he's not good at testing, or he needs someone as an aide, or more time with certain subjects then get it written into an IEP and make it happen. You can't be there helping him every day, I dont mean to offend you at all, but that is their space and their rules. Unless its in an IEP then they can't change anything about the cirriculum, and he'll be expected to do everything  just like any other kid there.


MomtoLou
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 8:54 PM

Thanks for that advice. I think tomorrow I will go in and try talking to her.

Quoting blessedhappymom:

My good friend is a teacher. Her advice is to request a meeting with teacher and administrator to express concerns. Check to see if this is a problem with the teacher, the student or the work in general and focus on a resolution. Teachers can be bullies and you need to show moxy. Don't let her think she can push you or your son around.


puck4432
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:01 PM

If she's been open with you before and today she snapped, maybe she's just having a bad day.  It's no excuse to go off on you and your son in front of the whole class, though.  I would talk to her about it, and explain that you are in the middle of getting him an IEP.  Believe me, I understand.  I go through this every year, and they won't get my son an IEP because he's "too smart".  OK, but he can't socialize at all and if you change the schedule he freaks out.  He can't keep himself organized and gets distracted very easily.  He also gets bored in class since he already know all the facts and learns quicker than the other students.  Asperger's is both a blessing and a curse.  Good luck.

VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:24 PM

It sounds like that teacher needs a lesson on what autism is. The last thing he needed was to be singled out for sure, I would be upset too. I hope you are able to get that iep in place asap! I remember moving when I was a kid, its hard enough socially for any kid, let alone if you have autism, poor kiddo. I hope he feels settled soon.

neslonturf
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Meeting with the principal (and teacher) STAT! Write down what you want to say...so you don't get upset and call the teacher a freakin' idiot in the heat of the moment. I haven't done that...but, I think I called someone imcompetent once. *sigh* I need a list, because I lack a filter. Tell them that you need a teacher that is compassionate toward children with special needs. This teacher is acting like a bully. 

neslonturf
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM

Have they done any kind of testing with your son? Because, if you ask for testing...they have to do it. Just having a diagnosis...our school did everything possible to help out. My son is 8 now, and has no interventions at school...beyond a compassionate and understanding teacher. They are considering a lunch buddy club...a smaller group to help socialize my son and daughter (also on the spectrum) just to help them with social issues! 

Quoting puck4432:

If she's been open with you before and today she snapped, maybe she's just having a bad day.  It's no excuse to go off on you and your son in front of the whole class, though.  I would talk to her about it, and explain that you are in the middle of getting him an IEP.  Believe me, I understand.  I go through this every year, and they won't get my son an IEP because he's "too smart".  OK, but he can't socialize at all and if you change the schedule he freaks out.  He can't keep himself organized and gets distracted very easily.  He also gets bored in class since he already know all the facts and learns quicker than the other students.  Asperger's is both a blessing and a curse.  Good luck.


neslonturf
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:38 PM

CHANGE TEACHERS!!!

"These children often show a surprising sensitivity to the personality of the teacher. However difficult they are, even under optimal conditions, they can be guided and taught, but only by those who give them understanding and genuine affection, people who show kindness towards them and yes, humour. The teacher’s underlying emotional attitude influences, involuntarily and unconsciously, the mood and behaviour of the child. Of course, the management and guidance of such children essentially requires a proper knowledge of their peculiarities as well as genuine pedagogic talent and experience. Mere teaching efficiency is not enough."

Hans Asperger 1944.
puck4432
by on Dec. 6, 2012 at 9:45 PM


Quoting neslonturf:

Have they done any kind of testing with your son? Because, if you ask for testing...they have to do it. Just having a diagnosis...our school did everything possible to help out. My son is 8 now, and has no interventions at school...beyond a compassionate and understanding teacher. They are considering a lunch buddy club...a smaller group to help socialize my son and daughter (also on the spectrum) just to help them with social issues! 

Quoting puck4432:

If she's been open with you before and today she snapped, maybe she's just having a bad day.  It's no excuse to go off on you and your son in front of the whole class, though.  I would talk to her about it, and explain that you are in the middle of getting him an IEP.  Believe me, I understand.  I go through this every year, and they won't get my son an IEP because he's "too smart".  OK, but he can't socialize at all and if you change the schedule he freaks out.  He can't keep himself organized and gets distracted very easily.  He also gets bored in class since he already know all the facts and learns quicker than the other students.  Asperger's is both a blessing and a curse.  Good luck.


Yes they've tested him.  He passes because he's intelligent and because we spent 3 years teaching him how to make eye contact.  He is officially diagnosed pdd-nos but the only reason he didn't get an aspie diagnosis is because he can make eye contact.  We're kind of regretting teaching him that.

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