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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

untill death do us part

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:49 PM
  • 15 Replies
I have been merried for 10 years now. Since we found out our son is atistc we have drifted apart. He does nothing to help with our son. I was just wondering if this happends alot
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by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kajira
by Emma on Dec. 9, 2012 at 7:52 PM
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I'm sure it's very common - however my husband and I have been brought closer by trying to make sure we stay on the same page and are a team in dealing with our children, as family is the most impotrant thing to both of us.... ^.^

malexander2009
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:06 PM
From an older child's point my parents have been married for 25 years. By brother is 10 years old and severly Autistic. My dad use to be super active with me. He is really disconnected with my brother
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TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 9, 2012 at 8:21 PM
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It's very common for parents of disabled children to divorce, but from what I've experienced and what I've seen, it can also bring that couple closer. Dh and I are so committed to our son and keeping our family close!
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VioletsMomTown
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:02 PM

I have heard its 80% of marriages fail due to an autism diagnosis. I hate that statistic. I felt like leaving my husband when we were first going through this, we were both scared and unsure of what was going on. I had to make a decision to let go of what I though was the perfect life, and appreciate what is my life, full of all its ups and downs. I basically do everything for my daughter thats autism related, therapies, diet, supplements and do all the research, and he chooses to just be oblivious to it. Its not ideal, ok, but he is her dad and she needs the stability of both of us in her life. And he's like the yin to my yang, he keeps me grounded so that I don't forget how to just live life and forget about autism. Its a real stress on relationships, I hope you can find happiness.

Violet's Mom

Twitter @autismnotebook

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Dec. 9, 2012 at 9:05 PM

Yes.  For many men, the idea that their son is "defective" is hard to grasp.  :)  Add in moms who become 'SuperMom', we alienate our husbands.  I read "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr Laura.  It helped me see things differently.  :)  

My boys have been on allergy meds for 3 yrs now.  Tonite DH asked me what I was giving the boys at bed time.  He has NEVER asked.....I was a bit put off....but then I explained it during a quiet time.  That is a big step for DH. 

Kat940
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:52 AM

Unfortunately it does happen. Among other issues I think that is part of why my ex left. 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Dec. 10, 2012 at 9:28 AM

I believe it does. I think mothers think and feel more with their heart and fathers think and feel with their brains. Could it be that maybe your husband thinks he did something to cause the Autism? He may also be feeling like all his hopes and dreams for his son has somehow been taken from him. I have also heard that the divorce rate is very high like VioletsMomTown said. Have you guys thought of using respite? Maybe fitting in date night once or twice a month. Is their a local support group for dad"s of children with autism? I am the one who does all the worrying and therapies for our son. My husband is military so he is often away for his job. I keep him up to date of all progress our son makes. He is turn lets me vent and yell at him LOL He knows that pretty much I am a single mother when he has to be gone so he follows my lead with the therapies. When he is home we try to get out by ourselves at least once or twice a month. Usually my sister will watch our kids. I wish you the best and hope things get better.

Bluerose1482
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:08 AM
My husband and I have had rough patches over the 11 years we have been married. One day I just accepted that he is the parent that he is and he alone is responsible/acxcountable for that. I am not his keeper or his boss. As long as he's not being abusive I let him have the relationship or lack or relationship he desires. He will drive ds to ot when he's not working. So he's no totally useless.
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mali321
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:34 AM

I have read all of the posts and relate with so many of you.  My SO and I are not married, but might as well be. I do everything that has to deal with the children: appointments, therapies, daily care, just all of it. His idea of helping is playing with the kids after work and giving me maybe two hours a week to myself. He works full time and I SAH due to all of dd's therapies. It is definately not an easy road. And like most, have to deal with it or leave and do it all myself. He's not a bad dad, he's just lazy. He does try, but there are days where his trying makes it worse since he is not involved as much with his dd(2) therapies and ds(1) new milestones.

For me it's a double edge sword, I know I need help and a break. But I feel guilty and miss them when I go out on the little time I do get to go out. We're working on it, though it will never be perfect. Good Luck!!

bugsmama149
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 3:00 PM

Fear of the unknown most likely. Worrying about what the future holds for all of you as a family. Having a child with any type of disorder is hard on any marriage. Kids take up a huge amount of time for any family and having a child with a disorder....well, we all know how much of our physical and mental energy it takes to stay on top of things for our child. My hubby gets put 2nd ALL the time and I hate it. But he's really understanding about it. I take the reins as far as doctor appts, paperwork for autism clinic, homeschooling but hubby helps in every other way. I think your hubby is most likely really scared right now. Like he's maybe just not sure what to do. You guys really need a good sit down talk. I also recommend writing him a letter or send him an email. Sometimes it's easier to get your feelings out when the person isn't sitting right there in front of you.  Take care

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