I am so sorry you are feeling overwhelmed momma. It's hard enough getting the dx on one child I can't imagine what you must be feeling getting it on a second.
Ok, I hope this doesn't sound corny. I've been thinking alot lately about why my son has ASD/ADD. I get angry about it you know? I think to myself "is there some reason why my child has to have things that make his life (and mine) more difficult? Well, last night, me and my hubby and son (11) were hanging out in our family room watching some practical joke tv shows that we had on dvr. Me and my son were snuggled together in our recliner in a sleeping bag. And he's just laughing his butt off at this show. And he's doing the arm flapping, the verbal stimming, the whole 9yards you know? And he looks at me and says "sorry Mom, you know I have to flap when I laugh!". And I smile and say "yes honey, I know, and I think it's cute". And I'm sitting there looking at him and I realize that no one in this world could ever understand my son the way I do. All of his quirks and tics, I get them....all of them. And that's what makes our relationship such a close and loving one. He recognizes that he makes noises sometimes and movements that would confuse other people. But he knows that when he's with his mama (and Daddy of course), he can be himself and not have to worry about it. And I try to picture him without these behaviors. And I realized that if he woke up today and was suddenly the textbook example of "normal".....well, he wouldn't be my son. I would feel like I was in the Twilight Zone if he didn't act the way he acts. I don't typically think in this way of "there must be a reason". I'm not the philosophical type. But I know that I love the relationship that I have with him. It's like I've got this person who I understand completely. I see parents all the time in stores who are screaming/cussing at their kids. I hate seeing that. I can't imagine being that way with mine. I'm not perfect but my son has taught me patience and how to really love and accept someone for who they are. Like right now, he's going to the dentist today just for a cleaning. He's obsessing on whether on not he has cavities. So he's had me check his teeth probably 50 times in the past 2 days. And he's asking me obsessively if he's having teeth pulled. Most parents would be going crazy by now but I'm not. I expect it. And I'll continue to check his teeth and answer his same question over and over again like I always do. Because he's my son, my beautiful, quirky son. It's hard , I understand. But there's a reason you've got those awesome kids. And I really do believe it's because they need you. I know it doesn't make it any easier but I do believe in a lot of ways, we're kinda lucky. We get have relationships with our kids that alot of parents don't get to have with theirs. I hope you haven't found my reply irritating. Sure, we don't want our kids to have this disorder. At one time I was in total denial and just couldn't see any good in it. But there is good. And there is a reason. hugs to you, breathe, it's not easy but you're gonna be fine.
It is hard and overwhelming. You have a right to how you feel. Take each visit as it comes. We're here for you. Good luck.
We are better people for knowing them. I know I am. I compare myself to what I was like before I had my son. I'm a different person now. I always tell my hubby that he's lucky he met me after I had my son cuz I don't think he woulda cared much for what I was like before. It's so nice that your kids are there for each other. They'll most likely always be close. They'll always understand each others little quirks. I think that's pretty cool.
Quoting saltycoqui:I have two also. They r two years apart. Dx were just about back to back . They help each other like a team. I feel a better person for knowing them.
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