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Single mom how can I?

Posted by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:37 PM
  • 15 Replies
My son is 4 years old but is developmentally about 2 he has violent tendencies he goes half days to early childhood and will be half days for the next 2 years for school. He can't go to day cares in my town because he has violent tendencies.

I am a college student about to graduate but how am I supposed to get a job when I don't have anyone to watch him? He throws violent fits when getting on the van for school and I have to handle that then usually he has a meltdown when transitioning to the home routine from school?

Any other single moms have tips for me?
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:37 PM
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:41 PM
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Hugs! Have you tried first then?
Use pictures and put them on a bright color of paper. We have blue. First my ds does what i want. then he does his thing.
First you get dressed then you get ipad.
first you take a bath then you get a movie.
that's the kind of things i do w my son and it helps lessen meltdowns.
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by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:46 PM
We have tried first then the school has also tried it. They also have schedules they stick with and he has days he fallows then he has days where he wants to do what he wants.

His therapists are still trying to figure out why he has such a hard time with transitions. Also why some of his violent outbreaks are unprovoked.
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by Amy on Dec. 19, 2012 at 4:53 PM

You might need to find a home day care situation where the caregiver can give him more attention than he'd get in a center.

by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 8:34 PM
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My daughter is 4 and she started junior kindergarten this year, they go full days, 5 days a week. Same with kindergarten next year. Is there another school he could go to where they have full days?

I know transitions are always hard for our kids. My daughter usually brings a toy from home when she goes to school, and holds onto it all day. She has a one on one aide, I don't know how I could do it without her. She has really gotten comfortable with her. We use the picture cards at home, and at school. She has a board of them to choose from, and I made ones for her at school too. Her aide keeps some in her pocket, and every time they change activity she takes out the picture to show her what they are doing next. Its really lessened the meltdowns quite a bit. Also the best way to keep my daughter calm, is for me to stay calm, as she is able to read peoples energy.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 11:29 AM

Great question!  I am a college student (online) also and I work part-time at Walmart.  My son will be 4 next month and although he isn't violent, I wonder if I will ever be able to work at a full-time job. My son goes to Pre-k half days and my mom watches him when I'm at work. I really don't trust anyone else to babysit him and he is very wary of strangers. Not to detract from your question, I'm just curious to hear what others are doing or have tried. :-)

*Angelia Bell*

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 2:02 PM

I can tell you my daughter has issues with transitions as well, not violent, just whining crying fussing.  We have her seeing a pediatrician who specializes in autism and he has put her on several supplements which help her focus and stay calm.  The biggest one that has an effect on transitions and general 'chilled out' temperment is 5HTP which is a precursor to serotonin, the neurotransmitter that drugs like prozac, zoloft, etc. affect.  By giving her the 5HTP we let her body make more serotonin which helps her be a happier, chiller, camper.  She takes 3 capsules (opened up and dumped in a medicine cup with some water, stirred up and then squirted into her somewhat protesting mouth with a medicine dropper) morning, noon, and night.  Miss a dose and MAN do you know it:)

by Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 5:30 PM

 My sosn special education teacher suggested books for me what they are so i dont stray from routine is like when i go to the store its velcroed in the book which section we will go in first then next my son can flip through the whole book as we shop and he likes to help me find what im looking for. My suggestion is find a daycare who has teachers equiped to deal with special education children not just regular children and also make sure you ask to see the refrences and such cause anyone can say they can handle all varities of children but very few actually can.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 5:40 PM

I didn't see this response in the replies (only read a few, sorry) but the state I am in, as well as some other parents suggested to me is a government program for special needs children called RESPITE. The program basically helps you cover the cost of a babysitter or an afterschool/ daycare program.

Violent tendencies just go hand in hand with autism. Does he talk? Maybe something is hurting him. Maybe he is having sensory overload? Autistic kids crave structure much more than a neurotypical child does. The way the school does it for my stepson is before transitioning from anything is they will turn the lights on and off and then say "time for this or that" and every time before transitioning it is the same thing.

Another thing you can try is making his experience that of a more pleasant one, maybe he doesn't like being away from you (we experienced this one too) try offering him a treat when he has to leave you, something he absolutely loves. We used to give ours a few goldfish crackers, or a piece of orange or just something tantalizing. Eventually he will associate getting on the van or any transition with this pleasant treat.

I am not a single parent but maybe my advice could be helpful to you anyways. Good luck, and please see what your state has to offer you and your child.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:44 PM

Quoting Randomlady:

Violent tendencies just go hand in hand with autism

That is not true and given the current media firestorm about autism causing the CT shootings nobody, especially not parents of ASD kids, should be saying that.

by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 7:11 PM

My ASD son is 13 and currently only going to school half days due to behavior issues!!!  I work a split shift 2am to 6am (neighbor lets them sleep over at her house) and then 830am to 1230pm (while he is in school) I too go to school online and work full time.  I don't get much sleep but hey the bills are paid and it's working for now....

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