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 Hi everyone.  I have been struggling with my motherin law for the last few months.  I don't know what to do and am considering washing my hands of her all together.  Sound sad right.  I agree.  I use to have so much respect for her but now I just feel angry lost and severly disappointed in her.  Here is the story.

Last April we got told by her that a long time family friend was being accused by his own grand sons of molesting them.  As a result he has lost his job and his home and pretty much encountered financial ruin.  What has this got to do with us.  Well my son's God mother and my husbands best friend since child hood is the mother of the "grandson's" that are taking him to court.  Of course their mother is standing by her sons and supporting them through this.  It is all very sad to hear and still what has it got to do with us.  Well as my mother in law is telling us about this she started bad mouthing my son's godmother because she went to court with her son for moral support and didn't have anything nice to say about her father.  (of course right.)  Well I told my mother in law that I think that is what a mother is suppose to do.  And what would the boys have to gain by lieing about this.  They wont get money for this, they will get to talk to a bunch of strangers about a terribly and embarassing experience.  So since that conversation my mother in law hasn't had much to say to me.  Fine right.

But this summer we decided to drive from New Brunswick to Southern Ontario to visit with her.  She was snide and rude with me the entire time we were there.  I couldn't say anything without her saying something rude or insulting back. 

We spent one day with my family and got back to mil house late for supper that night.  She had put everything away and had no food even for my son.  He is only 3 when this happend by the way.  So I appologized for being late and not calling soon enough for her to know but she wouldn't even speak or look at me through the entire conversation.  I asked her outright if she was mad at me.  She yelled yes and slammed the door in my face.

That evening I spent in the spare bedroom with my son.  Dh couldn't sleep.  She wouldn't speak to him either.  You can see but I am shaking my head as I type this.  The next morning I went to speak to her while she was making her bed and appologized again for the night before.  I asked her if she was still cleaning the house that day.  Because she had mentioned doing that the previous morning.  She said no that she was going to get her hair cut and then go see Grandma.  So right after that she took off.  DH wasn't even upstairs yet and she left.  I know for a fact that the Hairdresser wasn't even open for another hour.  So I guess she just wanted to get away from me.  So Dh and I talk it over and I told him that I didn't want to stay if she is going to make us miserable the whole time.  So we packed up the car and decided to go with her to visit Grandma and we would see if things were better between us then we would spend the last night there but if they were the same we would head to someone elses house for the night.

We spent the morning at the playground and after lunch went to the nursing home with mil and fil.  While there things seemed stained but not to bad.  But then while I was talking to Grandma I said "This isn't a bad place.  If we had to put mil in a place I bet she wouldn't mind being in here."  Then MIL says" I wouldn't trust you to put me anywhere.  You would probably push me over the Falls"  I mean why say something like that.  Totally unprovoked.  When we left I told my DH that he could stay if he wanted but I was leaving.  I was very upset.  He didn't want to upset her anymore but I was to angry to stay anymore.  So we drove back to say goodbye a day early.  We were scheduled to leave the following morning.  He told her we were leaving.  She refuse to say good bye or I love you to him.  I stayed in the car the whole time cause there was nothing to say to each other.  She kissed ds goodbye and when dh triied to hug her she pushed him away and told him not to touch her.  His own mother.  So we left.

This was in August.

Then when we finally got home we triied to call her and talk to her.  She would only speak in mono syllables to dh.  She refused to tell him I love you at the end of the conversations and I know my poor dh was hurting.  I forced him to leave but I feel like he wasn't even trying to defend me or anything.  That is why I wanted to leave.  We were all getting sick with the stress of being there.  I am so angry because we triied so hard to include her in our lives we drove almost 24hours straight to visit with her and she made our visit miserable. 

Since this is Christmas I tried one more time to patch things up with her.  I wished her a merry christmas over the phone and she wouldn't even reciprocate.  That is the least someone can do is say merry christmas you know.  I mean people say it to complete strangers.  Anyway I don't know what I expect from everyone as far as responses go.  I don't know if things will ever get better between her and I and I feel like giving up.  Sorry for this negative post I just needed to vent and get it off of my chest.  Thanks for listening.

by on Dec. 26, 2012 at 12:53 PM
Replies (11-20):
N.Carter2001
by Bronze Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 11:20 AM

I'm 31years old and it finally hit me my own mom has mental problems. She won't ever be happy I fell in love and we have 2boys. I'm fat. We have a son with autism and hsp. She won't get over any of that. She thinks our son should be doing better. It was just too much stress. If it not her way she would blow up. The last thing she said to me she wanted cps to take my kids. Cause I have cp. I got me a book to help me heal and I did the check list. So yes I really know she has problems. I know how it feels my mom would get in her mood and push me away. If I wanted to hug her. I always said love you 1st. She never did that 1st.  I understand about being hurt. But I can't deal with her and I can't let her act crazy around my boys. Sorry I don't have advice. I just understand. I don't have a mom

Basherte
by Silver Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 12:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Wash your hands of her.

You don't need that negativity in your life.

I'm so sorry that your husband is going through this. I don't know if I would even allow her near your son now though. I'm not sure. 

I don't talk to my mother in law anymore either, and at the beginning we were very close. It's a long story and I don't wanna steal your post to say it. suffice it to say, I was the one pushing my husband to have a relationship with her because she is his mother, but he calls her and has called her his entire life - the incubator.

mamalena137
by Member on Dec. 27, 2012 at 5:13 PM

You don't have to have a relationship with her. Encourage your son and husband to continue, but just let her make the next move with you. There are only so many times someone can step all over you before you tell yourself, I'm not bending over to take more. Sending cards and stuff is fine, if you want just address them from the whole family or just your son. Hopefully your child doesn't get hurt from grandma saying and behaving badly.

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Dec. 28, 2012 at 12:08 PM

Listen - your DH and your kiddos are your family.  Screw the rest of them.  You are allowed to have feelings.  Protect your family.  If she wants to visit - she owes your family an apology and respect. Otherwise, no access to grandkid.  

mightymo
by Bronze Member on Dec. 28, 2012 at 9:47 PM

i have no  patience for people like that ,even if they are relatives and what i hate most is when someone is mad at one person they are mad at everyone else ,don't take it out on kids or sons ,daughters , when something like that happens to me i no longer go out of my way to be nice ,if they want to come around they will especially if they don't see their grandkids,but then i;m a bitch (;

Shardep
by on Dec. 29, 2012 at 3:47 PM
Are you sure she isn't hitting early alhemiers? Some older people start getting hateful with it. Ijs, maybe something else is going on..but if not, just wait her out she'll stop pouting eventually
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Inglefay
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:34 PM

 

Quoting N.Carter2001:

I'm 31years old and it finally hit me my own mom has mental problems. She won't ever be happy I fell in love and we have 2boys. I'm fat. We have a son with autism and hsp. She won't get over any of that. She thinks our son should be doing better. It was just too much stress. If it not her way she would blow up. The last thing she said to me she wanted cps to take my kids. Cause I have cp. I got me a book to help me heal and I did the check list. So yes I really know she has problems. I know how it feels my mom would get in her mood and push me away. If I wanted to hug her. I always said love you 1st. She never did that 1st.  I understand about being hurt. But I can't deal with her and I can't let her act crazy around my boys. Sorry I don't have advice. I just understand. I don't have a mom

 I am sorry to hear you sound like you are in so much pain.  I hope you are able to heal some day.  God Bless you.

 


Blessed Be!cat

Inglefay
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:37 PM

 

Quoting Basherte:

Wash your hands of her.

You don't need that negativity in your life.

I'm so sorry that your husband is going through this. I don't know if I would even allow her near your son now though. I'm not sure. 

I don't talk to my mother in law anymore either, and at the beginning we were very close. It's a long story and I don't wanna steal your post to say it. suffice it to say, I was the one pushing my husband to have a relationship with her because she is his mother, but he calls her and has called her his entire life - the incubator.

 Wow the incubator sounds pretty bad.  I guess the best thing I can do is to let it be.  Not pressure Dh to do anything unless he wants too?

 


Blessed Be!cat

Inglefay
by on Dec. 30, 2012 at 2:40 PM

 

Quoting Shardep:

Are you sure she isn't hitting early alhemiers? Some older people start getting hateful with it. Ijs, maybe something else is going on..but if not, just wait her out she'll stop pouting eventually

 I'm going to have to research that but thank you for the idea.  I really feel like it must be something mental.

 


Blessed Be!cat

Basherte
by Silver Member on Dec. 30, 2012 at 4:18 PM


Quoting Inglefay:

 

Quoting Basherte:

Wash your hands of her.

You don't need that negativity in your life.

I'm so sorry that your husband is going through this. I don't know if I would even allow her near your son now though. I'm not sure. 

I don't talk to my mother in law anymore either, and at the beginning we were very close. It's a long story and I don't wanna steal your post to say it. suffice it to say, I was the one pushing my husband to have a relationship with her because she is his mother, but he calls her and has called her his entire life - the incubator.

 Wow the incubator sounds pretty bad.  I guess the best thing I can do is to let it be.  Not pressure Dh to do anything unless he wants too?

I would say support him no matter how he is feeling and no matter what he needs. You should be able to vent to someone though. Might now be best to vent to him every time you need to vent. Feel free to pm me if ya wanna vent. The incubator has only been out of jail for a short time now. She was in jail this time for possession of drugs, intent to manufactor drugs, and I think intent to sell drugs. Might have been in for prostitution as well. Don't know. Knows that she is a prostitute. She also forged an account with fingerhut with my name, a made up social security number and a huge bill. Finally got that straightened up and when I called her and bitched at her for it, basically confronted her with it she told me that she did it to get our attention because she wanted to talk to us. 

Now how did I call her if I didn't already have her number? She knew where we were living she could have called there or drove over there to talk to us. 

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