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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Any older children with Autism?

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:38 PM
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How do you moms handle having an older child or even young adult with Autism?  Do they live with you or on their own?  Do they need constant care and support or not?  I'm just curious:)  

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:38 PM
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coffeelover2
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:39 PM
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BUMP!

Homeschoolmom99
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:41 PM
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My son is 13 lives half time at home half time with his dad. One week on one week off. I have HFA and I am with the support of my wife in grad-school and my son takes two classes at the same school.

Thanks to a lot of therapy for my son he went from a non-verbal meltdown mess to a HFA pretty normal teen! He does need some help like finding stuff, tying shoes and knowing what to wear outside of the house! If we let him he would wear PJS 24/7!

unusualmom
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:03 PM
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I have 2 asd sons age 9 and 11.  But I have an asd cousin who is 31.  He still lives with his parents but he has a drivers license - he is required to drive with an abled adult.  He has an almost full time job doing filing for a welding company.  He is doing really well.  He just needs patience because he is slow.

kajira
by Emma on Dec. 31, 2012 at 6:28 PM
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I am an adult with autism. ^.^ I have classic autism and I got married at age 20 - I do require some help with stuff, but not like a full time care taker, the stuff I require help with is more like helping do chores and things like that so I don't get too overwhelmed.

I don't work outside of the home - i dont' think I could be a wife, raise kids with a full time stressful job, and not have one area suffer for it.... so I focus on what i'm capable of doing really well, and try not to over-stress myself so I don't spread myself so thin I can't do anything at all.

I think it depends, my brother is autistic and is married and needs a little help with keeping track of things and that kind of stuff, and my nephew is autistic in the way that may require life long help or care.

My son is special needs, and may not ever be able to live on his own though.

hwifeandmom
by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 9:10 PM

My 14 & 18yrs have Asperger's, as does my husband.  My 18yr is getting ready to go to college.  We are not sure that she will be successful and fully expect that she won't be going back after this semester and will probably end up living at home.  We wouldn't mind being wrong, but I'm not sure she's ready to make responsible choices on her own yet.  She will probably eventually live independently but will probably be slow getting there.  My husband was similar.  My son will probably be similar.

jadelily
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:21 AM
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My daughter is 15 with a dx of pdd-nos. She is a pretty typical teen, besides being several years behind academically. We are currently working on possible college/career choices. She would like to go off to college, but that's honestly not realistic in either an academic nor lifeskills way. Right now she's doing a project through school on how to get into the local community college, how to get the help she needs there, and what to do with her school career. Her goal is to go to the cosmetology school then move to my parents and attend a special fx makeup school. I am not sure how this goal will work out, but she's fairly artistic. We are working with an ROP that is helping us set up future planning. I highly suggest looking for one in your area. They know all the programs we need to apply for, what kinds of help the state will give her, how to get the state to pay for her full schooling, training and mentoring/shadowing for jobs. how to get help for her to live on her own, etc. It's been  really neat to work with them since they just know of so many programs!

I fully expect her to live on her own, but not right after high school. She will stay at home until she gets through all her schooling and can support herself either fully or with the help of ssi, etc. Since she is behind academically and socially, I think it will take her a few more years than an average young adult to move out, but that doesn't seem to be uncommon anymore even for nt's.

Things change so much as they grow older, you just can't predict where they will be when they are 3 to where they will be at 20. My daughter has made vast improvements in many areas, and continues to do so.

kajira
by Emma on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:43 AM

my NT cousin lived at home until she was 27 and got her dream job. LOL 

Quoting jadelily:

My daughter is 15 with a dx of pdd-nos. She is a pretty typical teen, besides being several years behind academically. We are currently working on possible college/career choices. She would like to go off to college, but that's honestly not realistic in either an academic nor lifeskills way. Right now she's doing a project through school on how to get into the local community college, how to get the help she needs there, and what to do with her school career. Her goal is to go to the cosmetology school then move to my parents and attend a special fx makeup school. I am not sure how this goal will work out, but she's fairly artistic. We are working with an ROP that is helping us set up future planning. I highly suggest looking for one in your area. They know all the programs we need to apply for, what kinds of help the state will give her, how to get the state to pay for her full schooling, training and mentoring/shadowing for jobs. how to get help for her to live on her own, etc. It's been  really neat to work with them since they just know of so many programs!

I fully expect her to live on her own, but not right after high school. She will stay at home until she gets through all her schooling and can support herself either fully or with the help of ssi, etc. Since she is behind academically and socially, I think it will take her a few more years than an average young adult to move out, but that doesn't seem to be uncommon anymore even for nt's.

Things change so much as they grow older, you just can't predict where they will be when they are 3 to where they will be at 20. My daughter has made vast improvements in many areas, and continues to do so.


Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.

Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism

Jessica198027
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:52 AM
1 mom liked this

Mine is only 13 but I hope he will live on his own one day. We may need to handl his money and bills and things like that but hope he will be able to do some shopping for food and clothes himself when oldenough to do so.

beaglepup1
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:08 AM

My son lived with us until 32 yrs old then left when he got married.  Yes!  married!  She was the only girl who ever took an interest in him and he was smitten to say the least.  However, his wife is extremely controlling and makes 90% of all decisions.  It works for Jamie as he thrives on structure and a controlled environment.  Albeit this has resulted in my being regarded as a pariah because the structure I tried to provide for him for 32 yrs., the tactful talks we had about social correctness, etc. etc. have been deemed as evil control, so I rarely get to see him anymore and they live 25 min. away.  All Aspie's are unique unto themselves and there are no two that are alike.   

Luckily, he has a wife, a home, two young children.....all things I thought were virtually impossible for him 10 yrs. ago.  He claims he is happy and I have no reason to doubt him.   His social skills still need tweaking but I'm no longer in a position to help as he would just rebuff any intervention and is on the defense most of the times I'm able to be in his presence.  Maybe he feels now that he's an adult that any mothering on my part is unwelcome.  He tends to be abrubt, inconsiderate and rude to me on occasion and I have to watch my p's 7 q's and zip my lips when I witness social ineptness in him.  He tends to be high strung when he is overwhelmed and lashes out verbally when under stress. 

Raising him and living with him in adult yrs. can be described as a frustrating experience for all of us. He has a younger brother who is extremely successful and that was a bone of contention while growing up.  He always felt I loved Todd more than I did him.  It isn't true, but what is true is that it was much easier raising Todd than Jamie as one did not need as much parental guidance as the other did. 

I miss him terribly and am lucky if I see him 3 times per yr.  However, I'm happy that he found someone he loves, has a family, a career and a home to call his own even if it means that I had to get out of the way for him.

I called him on Christmas Eve to wish him a Merry Christmas only to be told when he picked up the phone "Hello..... I'm busy......got things I have to do"  in a rude tone.  He was stressed and he is rude when stressed no matter that it's his mother calling or not.   He managed to take care of whatever it was he had to do, which in turn relieved his stress and then 2 hrs. later he called to apologize for his phone demeanor. 

No matter what is going on in his life if his game plan is interrupted all else takes a back seat and his stress intensifies until his plan is accomplished.  If there is anything or anyone that gets in the way of his game plan rude comments, especially to those he is closest to are not uncommon. 

So you have to begin to understand your child's needs and unique quirks throughout his/her life.  Yes, at times I still cry because all the work I've done throughout the yrs. often feels like it was a futile exercise when something is said or done that's inappropriate, rude or inconsiderate.  I take it personally as a failure in parenting. 

It's only been about a decade or so that Aspergers was recognized as an autistic disorder and unfortunately I did not have any resources available to me to deal with understanding  or dealing with raising a son with it.   I have no doubt I made plenty of mistakes along the way and am very happy that there is so much available now to parents who are dealing with it to alleviate the frustrations involved. 

 

 

 

 

   

beaglepup1
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:21 AM

Don't despair.  I was told 34 yrs ago my son wouldn't amount to anything.  Told, he'd never be educated, never drive a car, never marry, etc. etc.  and this is before Aspergers was even recognized.  The key is not to let his/her disability remain a stumblin block and to try to jump every hurdle along the way.

Believe me, it's a frustrating experience for a parent because you're always in teaching mode, trying to get them to understand social concepts, overcome adversity.  In my case the teaching for yrs. was regarded as trying to control rather than correct any ineptness and he resents me for it now. 

Luckily for you there is so much available out there now in the form of books, lectures, etc. etc. to help you to overcome the stumbling blocks. 

With regards to doing his banking, try to start small.  If he gets an allowance teach him how to save 10% into a savings acct. by taking him to the bank each and every week  to make the deposit.  It establishes a pattern.........they love patterns.!   Then in time start with a small checking acct. to deposit the rest of the allowance and teach him to write a check for purchases. 

 

 

 

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