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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

How do you moms handle having an older child or even young adult with Autism?  Do they live with you or on their own?  Do they need constant care and support or not?  I'm just curious:)  

by on Dec. 31, 2012 at 4:38 PM
Replies (11-18):
Michelle09013
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:52 AM

Glad to see this post.  I am really in need of connecting with other Mom's who have HFA boys age 18 and over.  Really could use some advice on a few things.  My son will be 18.  Most people when they interact with him think I'm crazy when i say he has asperger's, including family who have known for 5 years.   It's a crazy, stressful life!!

Alma4Mom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:04 PM


Quoting beaglepup1:

My son lived with us until 32 yrs old then left when he got married.  Yes!  married!  She was the only girl who ever took an interest in him and he was smitten to say the least.  However, his wife is extremely controlling and makes 90% of all decisions.  It works for Jamie as he thrives on structure and a controlled environment.  Albeit this has resulted in my being regarded as a pariah because the structure I tried to provide for him for 32 yrs., the tactful talks we had about social correctness, etc. etc. have been deemed as evil control, so I rarely get to see him anymore and they live 25 min. away.  All Aspie's are unique unto themselves and there are no two that are alike.   

Luckily, he has a wife, a home, two young children.....all things I thought were virtually impossible for him 10 yrs. ago.  He claims he is happy and I have no reason to doubt him.   His social skills still need tweaking but I'm no longer in a position to help as he would just rebuff any intervention and is on the defense most of the times I'm able to be in his presence.  Maybe he feels now that he's an adult that any mothering on my part is unwelcome.  He tends to be abrubt, inconsiderate and rude to me on occasion and I have to watch my p's 7 q's and zip my lips when I witness social ineptness in him.  He tends to be high strung when he is overwhelmed and lashes out verbally when under stress. 

Raising him and living with him in adult yrs. can be described as a frustrating experience for all of us. He has a younger brother who is extremely successful and that was a bone of contention while growing up.  He always felt I loved Todd more than I did him.  It isn't true, but what is true is that it was much easier raising Todd than Jamie as one did not need as much parental guidance as the other did. 

I miss him terribly and am lucky if I see him 3 times per yr.  However, I'm happy that he found someone he loves, has a family, a career and a home to call his own even if it means that I had to get out of the way for him.

I called him on Christmas Eve to wish him a Merry Christmas only to be told when he picked up the phone "Hello..... I'm busy......got things I have to do"  in a rude tone.  He was stressed and he is rude when stressed no matter that it's his mother calling or not.   He managed to take care of whatever it was he had to do, which in turn relieved his stress and then 2 hrs. later he called to apologize for his phone demeanor. 

No matter what is going on in his life if his game plan is interrupted all else takes a back seat and his stress intensifies until his plan is accomplished.  If there is anything or anyone that gets in the way of his game plan rude comments, especially to those he is closest to are not uncommon. 

So you have to begin to understand your child's needs and unique quirks throughout his/her life.  Yes, at times I still cry because all the work I've done throughout the yrs. often feels like it was a futile exercise when something is said or done that's inappropriate, rude or inconsiderate.  I take it personally as a failure in parenting. 

It's only been about a decade or so that Aspergers was recognized as an autistic disorder and unfortunately I did not have any resources available to me to deal with understanding  or dealing with raising a son with it.   I have no doubt I made plenty of mistakes along the way and am very happy that there is so much available now to parents who are dealing with it to alleviate the frustrations involved. 






thanks sooooo much for sharing this helps so much

John3_16
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:10 PM
My son is 18, severely autistic. In fact, he is being genectally tested to see if there is an underlying diagnosis besides th autism. We just went to court so that I have full guardianship of him. My son lives with me and needs complete 24 hour care. He is very active, yet very happy. Has many therapies, even at 18. Our home is his playground from indoor trampolines to indoor swings. He loves Disney movies and Barney right down to blues clues! He loves, loves, loves to read!! Communicates through sign. I have been teaching him to sign since he was three. He does not potty on the toilet. Does not feel that sensation, as his mylen sheeth was never fully developed around his spine. He is my beautiful blessing!
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Unicorn1110
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:34 PM

 Son is 20, still in school and in 2 yrs going to a tech state run school for job and self living skills. He is verbal and needs constant care and support. He can't remember sometimes why he went in to a room and gets distracted easily. He can shower but has to be reminded to actually wash and not just play. He knows how to take care of personnel needs has to be prompted to do them. Can not tell time so he can't plan ahead but he knows we do things at certain times. Still watches cartoons, plays with some toys and video games. Has no friends behind school mates during school hrs. 

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:01 PM

 My 11 year old too! Loves his "comfy clothes"!

Quoting Homeschoolmom99:

My son is 13 lives half time at home half time with his dad. One week on one week off. I have HFA and I am with the support of my wife in grad-school and my son takes two classes at the same school.

Thanks to a lot of therapy for my son he went from a non-verbal meltdown mess to a HFA pretty normal teen! He does need some help like finding stuff, tying shoes and knowing what to wear outside of the house! If we let him he would wear PJS 24/7!

 

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TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jan. 1, 2013 at 9:02 PM

 That made me cry at the end...I always say the same thing about my son!  =)

Quoting John3_16:

My son is 18, severely autistic. In fact, he is being genectally tested to see if there is an underlying diagnosis besides th autism. We just went to court so that I have full guardianship of him. My son lives with me and needs complete 24 hour care. He is very active, yet very happy. Has many therapies, even at 18. Our home is his playground from indoor trampolines to indoor swings. He loves Disney movies and Barney right down to blues clues! He loves, loves, loves to read!! Communicates through sign. I have been teaching him to sign since he was three. He does not potty on the toilet. Does not feel that sensation, as his mylen sheeth was never fully developed around his spine. He is my beautiful blessing!

 

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Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 2, 2013 at 7:38 AM

BUMP!

jeri.arellanes
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 8:51 AM
I have an 18 year old. He lives with me and , God willing, will do so till I am no longer able to care for him. After that, he will probably live in a group home or with his older "typical" brother or sister. He is capable of taking care of some of his needs. He can dress himself and do all his bathroom needs. The only thing he can't do is shave.
He doesn't cook because he's afraid of the hot stove and oven. He has used the microwave. He's not in the kitchen much!
I'm not sure what happens after age 25? That's how long he can stay in school in Calufornia. I know the state takes over after that. He'll probably get a job. I just hope he lives a happy life for as long as he is here!
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