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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

What do you do when you feel you Just want to give up??

Posted by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:04 PM
  • 41 Replies

Today has been probably one of the roughest days we have had in a while, The meltdowns have been non-stop... And over what i am still unsure. Some days he communcaites with me well then others not so much. We are still early in the stage of getting a diagnosis, There are days when I am just ready to throw my hands in the air and be like I can't do this!!!  I struggle with Depression and Anxiety myself so my doctor put me back on my meds.To  try and maybe balance the depression and anxiety out so that it wouldn't be like mine and his  anxiety bouncing off of each other.  I don't have much support wise because I moved away from my family. My boyfriend  and I  live together  going on 2 years now, works 60 hrs a weeks sometimes more. So most days it's just me and Aaden ( my son) no sign of a break in the near future and when I do get just a little break which is just me soaking in the bathtub for 20-30 mins I feel guity. SO my question is what do you do??? to make sure there is at least some you time? And that you don't just complety lose your mind?

by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:04 PM
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justfiveofus
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:14 PM
2 moms liked this

I can totally relate because yesterday was that day for us.  We literally had to remove EVERYTHING from ds's room so he didn't hurt himself, his brother, me or put holes in the walls.  He was hitting his hand so hard on his bed frame I was afraid he would really hurt himself.  He would slam it down so hard then hold it because it hurt so bad so we even took his bed frame out.  He has just his mattress, which I figure he can't do too much damage to himself with. Yesterday honestly, I just cried for awhile then pulled up my figurative big girl panties and went back into the lion's den.  (I hope that didn't come across rude).  I will litterally talk to myself, tell myself it's all worth it, that I love him, that he's my son, then I picture myself putting on suspenders to hold my pants up and go back (man that makes me sound crazy lol).  Today didn't start off much better but he had school so I got a break.


Do NOT feel bad for taking that time for yourself.  I get out about once a month or so with a girlfriend that I can talk to.  Sometimes more often, but not usually.  We go for dinner and talk (usually for hours).  You definately need your you time to keep yourself going.  Something I had to learn was that if I don't take care of me, I'm not as good of a mommy.  Once I"ve had my girls night, I feel so refreshed and ready to take on anything (and usually need to as soon as I walk back in the door).


*hugs mama*  We all know how you're feeling!

kajira
by Emma on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:17 PM
3 moms liked this

When I feel like giving up? I lean on my husband and ask him to remind me why I stay strong.

I ask him to hold me, and let me cry, I ask him to rub my back and tell me he loves me and believes in me, even when our life has it's moments of being hard, I ask him to help me find goals to work on that are for "us" or even just "me" to keep me going and have something positive to look forward too.

I make a point to plan activities ahead of time to look foward too - like we have a trip planned to disney land... We have plans to breed our dog and maybe our goats, we have plans to get another dog in the future - we'd like more children.

I try to find a reason to keep going and make mini-goals along with long-term goals to give myself hope and a purpose. 

I escape by playing video games and finding ways to meet mini-goals in my games to give me a sense of purpose when I need something non stressful and pointless to waste my time on so I can have some "me" time. I read books, I have a glass of wine and a bubble bath.

When my son was a toddler and I had nothing in place, It was a lot harder, I had to laern to ask for help and just learn to "tough" the worst of it out. It did get better - then it got worse again, then we figured out a solution and were on the up rise again to things being better.


It's a rollar coaster. No matter how tough things get, when you hit rock bottom, the only direction is "up".

BrownMommy
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I escape in a book. I love to read so I find relief there. I feel like this a lot of days. Avoidence and denial are kind of a refuge, at least for awhile.
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justfiveofus
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 5:34 PM

Oh yes, the video game escape, I use that sometimes as well.  Or a good book.  :) 

Quoting kajira:

When I feel like giving up? I lean on my husband and ask him to remind me why I stay strong.

I ask him to hold me, and let me cry, I ask him to rub my back and tell me he loves me and believes in me, even when our life has it's moments of being hard, I ask him to help me find goals to work on that are for "us" or even just "me" to keep me going and have something positive to look forward too.

I make a point to plan activities ahead of time to look foward too - like we have a trip planned to disney land... We have plans to breed our dog and maybe our goats, we have plans to get another dog in the future - we'd like more children.

I try to find a reason to keep going and make mini-goals along with long-term goals to give myself hope and a purpose. 

I escape by playing video games and finding ways to meet mini-goals in my games to give me a sense of purpose when I need something non stressful and pointless to waste my time on so I can have some "me" time. I read books, I have a glass of wine and a bubble bath.

When my son was a toddler and I had nothing in place, It was a lot harder, I had to laern to ask for help and just learn to "tough" the worst of it out. It did get better - then it got worse again, then we figured out a solution and were on the up rise again to things being better.


It's a rollar coaster. No matter how tough things get, when you hit rock bottom, the only direction is "up".


VioletsMomTown
by on Jan. 7, 2013 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this

It will get better. I have days like this sometimes. You need to find someone to watch your son for even a couple of hours. I also will generally escape to a video game, or watch a mindless reality tv show to take my mind off of stress. I actually paid to go to the YMCA and just used the whirlpool and sauna. It was awesome. They have child care available for an hour at a time for a small fee.

lady_katie
by Silver Member on Jan. 7, 2013 at 7:53 PM
3 moms liked this

A few months ago, I put my son in part time day care for 4 hours per day, just to get a break. Of course, day care isn't free, so I had to work during this time in order to pay for it, so it wasn't exactly a "break" but more like a "change of pace". I ended up having to remove him from the daycare though, due to safety concerns. I just started feeling a little crazy again though, and my husband just got offered overtime at work, so he offered to take it in order to give me an *actual* break. I'm trying to find a new daycare right now so that I can take him up on that. I've tried other things in order to get through this, but honestly, the only thing that has helped me has been time away from my son. 

I also joined the YMCA (just last week, actually) - just for the childcare. Our YMCA offers 2 hours per day with a membership. They have an inclusion specialist that works in the daycare 3 days per week and they said that my son can have an aide if he needs one. So far, it's working out great. I can't say that I'm much of an exercise person, but I tried doing a cycle class this morning, and I'm trying a few different things. I'll probably only end up using it for the sauna and hot tub too though lol. What I like about it is that they have "parents night out" once per month and you can pay a very small fee to leave the building for 3 hours whenever you want, so my husband and I are going to get some much much needed time together now. They also have a family night, and "sensory play" once per week, and we signed our son up for swimming lessons which are included in the membership. 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jan. 7, 2013 at 8:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I think restarting your meds was a good thing. You wouldn't be much good to either of you without it. I know. I also take meds for depression and anxiety. Have you checked around for respite. There are programs that offer to bring in a trained person to watch your child while you get a break, run errands or appointments.

When my husband comes home I usually take time to relax at my computer or write. I write poems to relieve stressful days. I am in the process of trying how to send out books to get a few children's books published. In fact my therapist explained that writing actually helps release stress. The tips of your fingertips are connected to the part of the brain the helps you release stree. So I write alot LOL I find that it helps me deal with my ds situations. Sometimes by writing I may figure out what may have caused the meltdown that particular day.

Mirmir1986
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:08 AM

No that wasn't rude at all! haha I know what you mean. I tell myself all the time put your big girl pants on and deal with it no one is going to do it for you. He is at a tough age right now as it is. He turns 3 Jan 14th but I don't expect to see much change. Most of his meltdowns can be avoided. it's like I know this so i beat my self up over it. Like I know he LOVES to color, paint draw on my walls, whatever it is that's all he likes to do. Well today I left  a pen on the table, I know better then to do this, Because then he wants it and when I won't give it to him it just gets worse and worse. he will calm down for a bit but never forgets that he saw the pen and he wanted it. So then every couple of mins he just loses it again. i try to get him to color with crayons or paint doesn't work... SO as he is in his Safe spot ( his room) I am normally locked in my bathroom crying my eyes out trying to pull it together. I guess we can only hope that tomorrow will bring a better day. I hope it does for you as well.


Hugs back at ya big smile mini

Quoting justfiveofus:

I can totally relate because yesterday was that day for us.  We literally had to remove EVERYTHING from ds's room so he didn't hurt himself, his brother, me or put holes in the walls.  He was hitting his hand so hard on his bed frame I was afraid he would really hurt himself.  He would slam it down so hard then hold it because it hurt so bad so we even took his bed frame out.  He has just his mattress, which I figure he can't do too much damage to himself with. Yesterday honestly, I just cried for awhile then pulled up my figurative big girl panties and went back into the lion's den.  (I hope that didn't come across rude).  I will litterally talk to myself, tell myself it's all worth it, that I love him, that he's my son, then I picture myself putting on suspenders to hold my pants up and go back (man that makes me sound crazy lol).  Today didn't start off much better but he had school so I got a break.


Do NOT feel bad for taking that time for yourself.  I get out about once a month or so with a girlfriend that I can talk to.  Sometimes more often, but not usually.  We go for dinner and talk (usually for hours).  You definately need your you time to keep yourself going.  Something I had to learn was that if I don't take care of me, I'm not as good of a mommy.  Once I"ve had my girls night, I feel so refreshed and ready to take on anything (and usually need to as soon as I walk back in the door).


*hugs mama*  We all know how you're feeling!


Mirmir1986
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:11 AM
1 mom liked this

 YMCA is a great idea, I will have to check in to that. with me being new to the area and no family around a baby sitter is hard to find. especially one that I feel would know how to handle him. But you are right I have been telling my boyfriend for weeks we need to find a sitter that we can trust and have a night out. it is way over due.

Quoting VioletsMomTown:

It will get better. I have days like this sometimes. You need to find someone to watch your son for even a couple of hours. I also will generally escape to a video game, or watch a mindless reality tv show to take my mind off of stress. I actually paid to go to the YMCA and just used the whirlpool and sauna. It was awesome. They have child care available for an hour at a time for a small fee.


Mirmir1986
by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 1:16 AM

I think it was a great start as well, my doctor also recommend I go to see a therapist. So  I have made a appt for that. It's so hard to even get the doctor appts on my own all the while keeping up with his stuff as well. Which I don't have to tell you that, you know how it is. I actually do some writing my self nothing great just whatever is on my mind at the moment.It does help out alot! I keep a journal i guess you could call it and sometimes I can go back and look at it and be like wow I must have really been stressed this day because none of this makes sense! lol

Quoting JTMOM422:

I think restarting your meds was a good thing. You wouldn't be much good to either of you without it. I know. I also take meds for depression and anxiety. Have you checked around for respite. There are programs that offer to bring in a trained person to watch your child while you get a break, run errands or appointments.

When my husband comes home I usually take time to relax at my computer or write. I write poems to relieve stressful days. I am in the process of trying how to send out books to get a few children's books published. In fact my therapist explained that writing actually helps release stress. The tips of your fingertips are connected to the part of the brain the helps you release stree. So I write alot LOL I find that it helps me deal with my ds situations. Sometimes by writing I may figure out what may have caused the meltdown that particular day.


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