So done!!! Please help me understand!
I am so angry with and so hurt by my Step-Son's disrespect, that I'm willing to give up on him. It breaks my heart to feel this way, but the resentment I feel towards his increasingly disrespectful behavior has been steadily growing for months now:
To quickly recap my introduction post, Matthew came to live with his Father and me almost 2.5 years ago after finally being removed from his Mother. He suffers PTSD due to 11.5 years of severe neglect and abuse (physical, verbal, mental & emotional) and is suspected of low ASD.
I have spent countless hours with Matthew talking, teaching, coaching, nuturing, praising, explaining, impulse controlling, tutoring, positively reinforcing, I encourage and guide him through decision making, give him control over when his chores get accomplished, I even spent $375.00 on a behavioral modification program (which was very helpful and I still use) to help me teach Matthew proper behavior...all to no avail when it comes to his disrespect. I'm not talking the normal teenage outbursts, rolling of the eyes and tones...that I can accept and deal with. We have two daughters that have successfully survived puberty and two other kids that aren't doing too badly either. Matthew though, has escallated to now doing things like body blocking me from his Dad in attempt to keep his Dad's attention, talking over me when I'm speaking to his Dad or our other children in efforts to gain their attention, he's speaking down to me when I don't understand what he's trying to say, just flat out ignoring me when I ask him to do something, making rude, negative comments about every meal at the table (and I do all the cooking) and the topper for me was on Monday, when he called his Mom to vent every injustice he felt I ever caused him all because I corrected him about leaving the dog outside that morning. I'm not opposed to him venting, I'm upset because he came home from school all peppy, had his homework finished (which never happens), acting as if nothing ever happened. He snuck his phone upstairs, called his Mom in efforts to use her as his power trip. That's what got me. She in turn called me to chew me out and give me a parenting lecture (I was nice about it, but didn't stand for that).
Oddly, Matthew's displays of disrespect towards his Dad are fairly normal for the age.
It may sound mineal as I've had to omit details to prevent wrinting a book here, but I am a very positive, patient and understanding person. I keep an open mind, I do research to gain wisdom on ASD and I even know through outbursts that there's an underlying cause and I work with him to get to the source. I'm not a quitter...I'm so tapped out now, though.
I have cried many tears over this and no longer join the family at the table, because I can't. I feel like Matthew's trying to pick that fight over dinner and I refuse to give it to him. In fact, I just chose to ignore Matthew all together (barring an emergency) for the next couple of days until I calm down. NEVER have I wanted to pop a child's head of and use it as a basketball until now. My frustration over behavior is slowly turning into resentment towards Matthew as a person and that is NOT like me at all!!!
2.5 years is not a long time, so I'm still very new at dealing with PTSD & ASD...does anyone have any advice at all? Please. I miss my Matthew and I don't know how to make this situation better.
I look forward to and welcome any advice.