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This is all new to me...

Posted by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:33 AM
  • 11 Replies
So I finally shed the denial and opened my eyes to the fact that my son has m more then just sensory disorder. Dr. going to give me a referral for my son to be diagnosed with having autism on friday. Im not sure if the crying is done, I just feel I failed my son. Did I let him hit his head too much? His bio already has a daughter with ceribal palsy. Is his excuse me but (sperm) defective? I'm originally from ny, n now I live in indiana. I have no family near and the friends I have here have never been really dependable. I'm lost. I know its not about me. My lil boy has always been my whole world. After finding this out, its been such a blow. I go to school full time and the thought of leaving him to go to school on monday is frightening. I feel like my chest is going to explode.
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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:33 AM
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dawncs
by Dawn on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM
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It is not your fault. You can't control how genetics works in a child. He is just using a common tactic among men in blaming the woman for everything wrong in the world or the child. It is a good idea to join a support group right now through your local chapter of the Autism Society (http://www.autism-society.org/) and get involved with Easter Seals (http://www.easterseals.org/). I also recommend contacting your local school district about getting him Special Education services (http://www.wrightslaw.com/) in writing, and it is free. You should also contact the local TheARC (http://www.thearc.org/).

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Autistic Social Story Author
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/ (has discounts)

Mateo-maximus-1
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:45 AM
Thanks for all of your support....
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MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 9:53 AM
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thats how i felt in the beginning too.

sometimes i still feel the same way, but then i remind myself to look at how much he is progressing.

 

with therapies and school, etc., i think you'll see how much your son can blossom and exceed your expectations!

And most importantly of all, there is God, who is in control of everything.

Hugs mom.

Mateo-maximus-1
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:00 AM
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I haven't talked to the bio in over a year. He doesn't even know that my son has a problem. I'm not going to bother telling him either. I have started first steps concerning his sensory disorder almost 4 months ago. They come to the house. When my son turns three in two months he will be going to a special school near us. My sons half sisters mom and I used to be close. we talked yesterday for the first time in almost a year. I feel that we shouldn't let the old bio that either of us care less about get in between us. I'm just afraid she will only be talking to me so she can fill him on info about my son. At first I wanted my boy to have his dad being in his life loving him. But he chose another path that is not accepted and won't be tolerated. So a year has gone by where the bio has to drive by our home all the time and never once has he stoped by, our even tried to at least go to court to help me with child support. I won't file. I'm not going to make him do something he isn't interested in doing. My heart is broken but I can't make a person change if they don't want to. I just don't see hire he can party so carelessly and be so happy when he doesn't have anything to do with a little 2yr old boy who is a spitting image of him. I have yet to fully be over the fact that I couldn't keep our family together. And now that my son is having a hard time growing and communicating, the pain had only increased. So here I am on this cafe complaining like a lil girl. Lost, n feeling like a failure.
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MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:04 AM
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Quoting Mateo-maximus-1:

I haven't talked to the bio in over a year. He doesn't even know that my son has a problem. I'm not going to bother telling him either. I have started first steps concerning his sensory disorder almost 4 months ago. They come to the house. When my son turns three in two months he will be going to a special school near us. My sons half sisters mom and I used to be close. we talked yesterday for the first time in almost a year. I feel that we shouldn't let the old bio that either of us care less about get in between us. I'm just afraid she will only be talking to me so she can fill him on info about my son. At first I wanted my boy to have his dad being in his life loving him. But he chose another path that is not accepted and won't be tolerated. So a year has gone by where the bio has to drive by our home all the time and never once has he stoped by, our even tried to at least go to court to help me with child support. I won't file. I'm not going to make him do something he isn't interested in doing. My heart is broken but I can't make a person change if they don't want to. I just don't see hire he can party so carelessly and be so happy when he doesn't have anything to do with a little 2yr old boy who is a spitting image of him. I have yet to fully be over the fact that I couldn't keep our family together. And now that my son is having a hard time growing and communicating, the pain had only increased. So here I am on this cafe complaining like a lil girl. Lost, n feeling like a failure.

That pain and feeling will subside. As you see your little guy growing and getting better, you'll start to feel better too.

 

dawncs
by Dawn on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:04 AM

You should still file for child support from his father. If your son is severe enough that he will not be fully independent and dependent upon you for life, a number of states have it that he is required to pay child support for life. I know of one case that the federal government held it against a severely disabled adult who was disabled from birth who could not care for herself had a lower amount that she received in Social Security Disability payments (http://www.ssa.gov/) due to no child support established past age 18. Also, if you want Medicaid to supplement any health insurance you have on him, you will have to establish child support for your son as required by the state. In addition, you are robbing him of being there for your son at least financially. In fact, he would be required to pay more child support since he does not see your son. I recommend having it garnished from his paychecks to the state so that he does not play any games with it.

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Autistic Social Story Author
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/ (has discounts)

Mateo-maximus-1
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 10:15 AM
He doesn't work. unfortunatly he is a drug user and can never keep a job for very long. I did not know he was a drug abuser until after I had gotten pregnant which was very quick into the relationship. He made it clear when he found out I was pregnant that he never lived me and was using me for a place to stay. Accused me of , and this is his exact words, " stealing his seed" oh lord what a great bunch of seeds he has...i just don't ever want to have to explain to my son anything at all about his bio. Really I don't. I want to be able to provide for him on my own. Why couldn't my son get disability if he doesn't have a father on record?
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dawncs
by Dawn on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:12 PM

Your son can get disability, but it can be different as an adult who was diagnosed as a child with a life long disability. Your son's father might be collecting Social Security Disability if he has no income and drives a car. It would be found out in discovery about the car because the judge or magistrate can search state records of it. A dependent of someone who receives Social Security Disability is entitled to half of the benefits of the disabled parent.

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Autistic Social Story Author
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/ (has discounts)

desperatemom123
by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 3:49 PM
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I just want to say that I'm glad you found this group of ladies to talk to and no it isn't your fault or his seed as you put it. All our children I feel are a gift from god. I am not really religious but I believe these special kids are given to us for a reason. Just remember it's not his fault who his father is. Good luck to you and your little guy.
Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 20, 2013 at 11:54 AM
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It is not your fault.

Nothing has really changed other than now you are on the right track of finding out what is different about your son. Remember that knowing means that you can get more help for your son. 

If you have already been going to school full time, then don't change that schedule. 

I'm here. Feel free to message me if you want.

Take a deep breath, hug your son. It's going to be okay. It may be a little more difficult, but it will be okay.

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