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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Very emotional

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:05 PM
  • 17 Replies

Hello Everyone! I have a 4 year old Daughter whom has been diagnosed with having Aspergers Syndrome. Our daughter was diagnosed on the 15th of January which was also my husband and I's anniversary, we had two special events that day. We first realized that there were some things that were going on with our daughter that were not quite right, and we were very concerned. we are a military family so where we were living we did not have much time left because we were being sent to Fort Bliss in El Paso Texas. The pediatrician she had before we moved was concerned and had mentioned to us that we should get her evaluated and tested for Aspergers because of the things she was doing, like the consistent rocking, sounds that were ongoing she would zone out, she would throw tantrums so severe that we could not control her and also she was not being social with other children her age. we love our daughter with all our heart, and when she was finally diagnosed i felt a sense of relief and so did my husband because now we know what was going on with her and how we could help her as a family whole.  This has made me very emotional because i have all sorts of things running through my head, like what did i do as a mother to cause this in my child, or what i could have done to prevent this. I am not very familiar and do not know about Aspergers however i love my daughter and i want to know as much about it that i can and am willing to do anything to help her. When i look at her i start feeling bad and i start to hug her and cry. I really hate for her or our other children to see me like this. I feel as if i have done something wrong. Does anyone have any suggestions? 

shrugging

Thank you all for your help and support!

Iris

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 12:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:08 PM
2 moms liked this

Welcome!

1st thing - there is nothing you did/didn't do that caused your daughter to be on the spectrum.  You've done nothing wrong and have nothing to feel guilty about.

2nd - your daughter is still your daughter, the same little girl you love and that won't change.  

Try to think of it like this... her diagnosis is a tool that will help you to get her the interventions she may need.  It's not fatal, it's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean she can't have a normal life.  

(((hug)))

Telephus44
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:42 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it took me about a year to get over the "what did I do wrong" thoughts.

What helped me most was just thinking he was the same boy today as he was the day before he got his diagnosis.  Getting it didn't change him or make him worse, he was still the same boy he always was.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jan. 21, 2013 at 1:43 PM
3 moms liked this
Welcome to the group,Iris!
Please, please, please don't blame yourself! I did this alot in the beginning, along with the crying, and from groups like this have learned that these emotions we feel for our kids are perfectly normal. They'll come and go, just like the joy and happiness she also brings into your life. It's all part of being a mom and loving with all your heart.

The beginning after the diagnosis is tough, because you have so much you need to learn and do and not knowing where to start. It's a tough road for all of you but when the rewards come , you'll see how it was all worth it.

This group is going to be so helpful to you bc we are all over the map as far as autism but we've all traveled the same path. You make sure you come right here whenever you need to talk or ask about anything.

Take a deep breath... It's gonna be okay!
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Confused122
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:16 PM

I felt like that when our peditrician suggested it could be aspergers or autism. I beat myself up for days until I felt awful.   One thing that I've learned from here and just reading about it is they don't know what causes the brain to act like that.  It's nothing you have done.  They were just made like that.  We go in for testing tomorrow but putting that doubt/fear out of my mind has really helped.  Am I still nervous?  Do I still wonder?? Yes...it's human.   All it takes is for my little man to look at me and it all fades.  Hang in there!!  You are doing what's best for your child and that is awesome!!

StoneColdKiller
by Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:26 PM
Oh I have been there and still those little "you messed you and this is your fault" comes at me. I have to force myself to go through everything did I really do anything different then other parents? No I didn't. Sure could of done more but it wouldn't change him being autistic.

The worst was when we learned he has ADHD, it wasn't something I was ready for, but everyone else seem to think it was awesome new. I cried and cried and cried. I thought I was taking my son in to diagnose with anxiety or something mild. Now not only does my son have autism but ADHD?

And then putting my 5 year old on meds, the only ones that were supportive were the one that dealt with young age ADHD, the school staff that saw my sons behavior (they never even said anything before I went had him seen and they didn't suggest meds) but they seen the 180 he's made and they are so happy he is calmer and more focus, my family thinks I'm nuts. Fact is if he isn't on meds I will need to pull him school freaks him out to much off meds, he spends the day at school screaming and non stop running, when I witness this I knew something was off.

My son has been to preschool since he was 2 years old, I know his normal behaviors at school, this wasn't normal then I read that between 5 and 7 is when it shows up, but not sure if they count the kids that have been to preschool. My son went to a preschool set up for special needs children.
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dawncs
by Dawn on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:33 PM

Welcome to the group! When you get to your next station with the Army, you need to request in writing an evaluation for Special Education (http://www.wrightslaw.com/) services through the base school or school district where you are located. These services are free and can help her with her disability. You can find out more information about Asperger Syndrome through http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/. You can find local support groups through your local chapter of the Autism Society (http://www.autism-society.org/) and Easter Seals (http://www.easterseals.org/). She also qualifies for Special Olympics (http://www.specialolympics.org/).

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Autistic Social Story Author
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/ (has discounts)

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this

First take a deep breath. You did nothing to cause this or could have prevented it. I think a lot of us went through these same feelings. My dh is military and his job takes him away about once a month if not more sometimes. I remember when we got the dx he was gone and I never felt so alone in my life. I cried all the way home. I cried for days and questioned what I did to cause it. I joined cafe mom and this group and the ladies here made me feel so welcomed and explained it wasn't anything I did that caused it. I asked lots of questions and recieved so much informative info. 

I would recommend going to Autism Speaks web site. They have a lot of good info. Also is your child EFMP? If not get her enrolled.  Your post ACS building should have information on Autism/aspergers that you can get and read. I would see if she maybe qualifies for therapy. Tricare will pay for her therapies. If  the doctors recommend an ABA therapist they will also pay for this through ECHO. 

Welcome to the group. 

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:16 PM

 


Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

Welcome to the group,Iris!
Please, please, please don't blame yourself! I did this alot in the beginning, along with the crying, and from groups like this have learned that these emotions we feel for our kids are perfectly normal. They'll come and go, just like the joy and happiness she also brings into your life. It's all part of being a mom and loving with all your heart.

The beginning after the diagnosis is tough, because you have so much you need to learn and do and not knowing where to start. It's a tough road for all of you but when the rewards come , you'll see how it was all worth it.

This group is going to be so helpful to you bc we are all over the map as far as autism but we've all traveled the same path. You make sure you come right here whenever you need to talk or ask about anything.

Take a deep breath... It's gonna be okay!

well put mom!

 

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 21, 2013 at 5:19 PM

 


Quoting StoneColdKiller:


 My son too. He is in SN preschool now and taking adderall. What is your son taking, if I may ask?

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Honey, you haven't done a single thing wrong. It just happens, no one even understands why yet. You have just started a long journey toward getting your daughter everything she needs to thrive and live to her full potential. Take a deep breath and KNOW nothing about this is your fault and it is perfectly natural for you to be sad/grieving for yourself and your little girl but she is going to be OK. These kids do remarkably well with the right help and you shouldn't worry about anything right now except getting her help and loving her. It is OK for your kids to see you upset. Children understand more than we give them credit for, you can explain your worry without scaring them. As a team your whole family can help her...It is a process and you have come to a good place for support, write me anytime.  XO  Kari

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