Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

He looks fine to me

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:56 PM
Jen
  • 14 Replies
Do you ever have the experience of other people telling you that your child "looks fine" and that they don't see any signs of autism?

I do. It's hard to try and explain what ASD look like to just have someone (with NO experience) tell me that I'm overreacting. Thanks for your opinion but I'll stick with the "experts."
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 10:56 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:18 PM

This is really irritating. My dad was the worse. He just would tell us my son was ignoring me that is why he wouldn't look when we called his name. He said boys talked later than girls so that is why my son didn't talk. He also said the meltdowns were just him trying to get his way. Now after close to a year my dad is realizing that there is more going on. My younger sister to this day does not see it at all. She says he doesn't act any different that our other nieces and nephews. I guess I should be happy about that because she says she accepts him the way he is and she doesn't see a problem.

One of the things that drives me crazy is when i am out and he has a meltdown and another mom will try to make excuses for him. Like one mom during halloween told me her dd did the same thing when they came into the stores cause she was afraid of the costumes and that my ds was probably the same. I explained that no he didn't want to sit in the cart and that was why he was screaming (he has sensory issues) She went on to tell me that her kids did the same thing whn they were younger. I was already having anxiety by that point so I just said "He's Autistic" and walked away. I know that was rude but standing there trying to explain it to her was just making him sit in the cart longer and screaming louder.

Charizma77
by Carissa on Jan. 25, 2013 at 8:08 AM

Yes. Often. It's frustrating!

CollinMommy
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:35 AM

EXTREMELY IRRITATING!!!! My DS's own father says this. He refuses to believe that our 3 yr old is any different than any other child out there. even tho, unlike most 3 yr olds, he has been terminated from his care program and cannot handle certain noises, covers his ears and says it hurts, hates the lights, says they hurt his eyes, has EXTREME violent meltdowns, list goes on and on.... yet he just doesn't see any of this, and i'm on a wild goose chase trying to get him officially diagnosed and treatments in order. ...... GRRRRR I wish he would just open his eyes and see what the rest of the world see's, but honestly I think his father may be a little autistic himself now that I have learned the signs and symptoms of it, which may be why he doesn't really see anything wrong. 

mypbandj
by Jen on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:21 PM

I've been there, done that!

My oldest son is 15, and as we started the process of trying to figure out what was wrong, my dh constantly told me that there was NOTHING wrong with him...all he needed, was for ME to spend more time with him. Ok, I was a SAHM, I couldn't spend any more time w/ him if I tried...there weren't enough minutes in the day! It took my dh a LONG time to finally come around. In the meantime, I just set up appointments and evaluations and IEP meetings and did all that by myself. It never was really anything dh and I discussed b/c he was so unsupportive. 

Its been my experience that many dads feel this way, especially about theirs SONS. They don't see it because they don't want to. Its too hard I think. 

Quoting CollinMommy:

EXTREMELY IRRITATING!!!! My DS's own father says this. He refuses to believe that our 3 yr old is any different than any other child out there. even tho, unlike most 3 yr olds, he has been terminated from his care program and cannot handle certain noises, covers his ears and says it hurts, hates the lights, says they hurt his eyes, has EXTREME violent meltdowns, list goes on and on.... yet he just doesn't see any of this, and i'm on a wild goose chase trying to get him officially diagnosed and treatments in order. ...... GRRRRR I wish he would just open his eyes and see what the rest of the world see's, but honestly I think his father may be a little autistic himself now that I have learned the signs and symptoms of it, which may be why he doesn't really see anything wrong. 


mypbandj
by Jen on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:23 PM

Oh, I forgot to say that my dh also has some signs of ASD.  He always talks about how mean and awful his family was to him when he was little.....and I told him that if he acted like our son acts, I can see why they probably beat him! (his family has NO parenting skills whatsoever, their only way of handling behavior was with a belt.)

Quoting CollinMommy:

EXTREMELY IRRITATING!!!! My DS's own father says this. He refuses to believe that our 3 yr old is any different than any other child out there. even tho, unlike most 3 yr olds, he has been terminated from his care program and cannot handle certain noises, covers his ears and says it hurts, hates the lights, says they hurt his eyes, has EXTREME violent meltdowns, list goes on and on.... yet he just doesn't see any of this, and i'm on a wild goose chase trying to get him officially diagnosed and treatments in order. ...... GRRRRR I wish he would just open his eyes and see what the rest of the world see's, but honestly I think his father may be a little autistic himself now that I have learned the signs and symptoms of it, which may be why he doesn't really see anything wrong. 


CollinMommy
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:26 PM


I'm starting to see that. I just keep trying to emphasize to him that just because he gets a diagnosis of being Autistic doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. It just means that his way of perceiving the world, and emotions is different than ours. He is still our son, and nothing will ever change how much he means to us, but we need to be able to see and understand his perception of his world. Thats what angers me the most I think. People hear the word Autistic and immediately think that child isn't right. THAT COULDN'T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!! I'm not a violent person at all, but those are the people that make me want to be!! There is nothing wrong with them, they just see things different than you do!! 

Quoting mypbandj:

I've been there, done that!

My oldest son is 15, and as we started the process of trying to figure out what was wrong, my dh constantly told me that there was NOTHING wrong with him...all he needed, was for ME to spend more time with him. Ok, I was a SAHM, I couldn't spend any more time w/ him if I tried...there weren't enough minutes in the day! It took my dh a LONG time to finally come around. In the meantime, I just set up appointments and evaluations and IEP meetings and did all that by myself. It never was really anything dh and I discussed b/c he was so unsupportive. 

Its been my experience that many dads feel this way, especially about theirs SONS. They don't see it because they don't want to. Its too hard I think. 

Quoting CollinMommy:

EXTREMELY IRRITATING!!!! My DS's own father says this. He refuses to believe that our 3 yr old is any different than any other child out there. even tho, unlike most 3 yr olds, he has been terminated from his care program and cannot handle certain noises, covers his ears and says it hurts, hates the lights, says they hurt his eyes, has EXTREME violent meltdowns, list goes on and on.... yet he just doesn't see any of this, and i'm on a wild goose chase trying to get him officially diagnosed and treatments in order. ...... GRRRRR I wish he would just open his eyes and see what the rest of the world see's, but honestly I think his father may be a little autistic himself now that I have learned the signs and symptoms of it, which may be why he doesn't really see anything wrong. 




mypbandj
by Jen on Jan. 25, 2013 at 2:39 PM

I feel the same way when people refuse to seek help for their children through early intervention or whatever - getting extra help for your child doesn't CHANGE who your child is. They are still the SAME person they were before. All you are doing is giving them extra help. And serioulsy, ANY child who receives some extra help is going to improve and benefit. 

Quoting CollinMommy:


I'm starting to see that. I just keep trying to emphasize to him that just because he gets a diagnosis of being Autistic doesn't mean there is anything wrong with him. It just means that his way of perceiving the world, and emotions is different than ours. He is still our son, and nothing will ever change how much he means to us, but we need to be able to see and understand his perception of his world. Thats what angers me the most I think. People hear the word Autistic and immediately think that child isn't right. THAT COULDN'T BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!! I'm not a violent person at all, but those are the people that make me want to be!! There is nothing wrong with them, they just see things different than you do!! 

Quoting mypbandj:

I've been there, done that!

My oldest son is 15, and as we started the process of trying to figure out what was wrong, my dh constantly told me that there was NOTHING wrong with him...all he needed, was for ME to spend more time with him. Ok, I was a SAHM, I couldn't spend any more time w/ him if I tried...there weren't enough minutes in the day! It took my dh a LONG time to finally come around. In the meantime, I just set up appointments and evaluations and IEP meetings and did all that by myself. It never was really anything dh and I discussed b/c he was so unsupportive. 

Its been my experience that many dads feel this way, especially about theirs SONS. They don't see it because they don't want to. Its too hard I think. 

Quoting CollinMommy:

EXTREMELY IRRITATING!!!! My DS's own father says this. He refuses to believe that our 3 yr old is any different than any other child out there. even tho, unlike most 3 yr olds, he has been terminated from his care program and cannot handle certain noises, covers his ears and says it hurts, hates the lights, says they hurt his eyes, has EXTREME violent meltdowns, list goes on and on.... yet he just doesn't see any of this, and i'm on a wild goose chase trying to get him officially diagnosed and treatments in order. ...... GRRRRR I wish he would just open his eyes and see what the rest of the world see's, but honestly I think his father may be a little autistic himself now that I have learned the signs and symptoms of it, which may be why he doesn't really see anything wrong. 





kajira
by Emma on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:00 PM

I have classic autism and i've been told I look to normal or "too beautiful" (no lie, apparently because they thought I was pretty...) there's no way I could be autistic.

like autism has a "look" ^.^

letstalk747
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:17 PM

yeah , i hear that off and on

Bluerose1482
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this

 You handle it just right.  Sometimes, if I am feeling snarky, I ask what medical school they attended....


Quoting mypbandj:

Do you ever have the experience of other people telling you that your child "looks fine" and that they don't see any signs of autism?

I do. It's hard to try and explain what ASD look like to just have someone (with NO experience) tell me that I'm overreacting. Thanks for your opinion but I'll stick with the "experts."


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)