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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

How do I avoid feeling isolated?

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:48 PM
  • 10 Replies
I'm sorry if this post becomes long, I feel like I need to explain our situation well. This is my first post on the board, but I have been reading a lot and your posts have all given me so much information. My 5 year old daughter was recently diagnosed PDD-NOS. I'm pretty sure she will show more as having Aspergers as she grows older. My husband has ADD, and what I am sure is an undiagnosed sensory processing disorder or Autism. Although all of his teachers had problems getting him to focus and connect his parents refused to admit any problems in their children. His 15 year old nephew is also diagnosed with Aspergers.
I myself have social anxiety disorder; I am not medicated and am not in therapy. My father also has an anti-social disorder and many people with mental illness in my family. Despite the mental illness I also grew up with many siblings and we were all pretty well connected. We were able to talk, play, and share our feelings with each other (even though sometimes it was in screams with mostly girls).
Now here is where I need advice. I sometimes feel like I'm living in a house with two robots that are programmed to respond. I get an emotions from them only when they are over whelmed. Otherwise everyday life can continue between DH and I with out really saying anything besides asking what is being made for dinner. I often feel like we are just coexisting and the only time I can get a connection with him is during "private time."
I am having a very hard time with this because of my social anxiety. It is extremely difficult for me to go else where for the connection I need. I have a few close friends who have jobs and kids of there own and now live about 30 minutes away so it is very hard to see each other. My family is even farther. I do not know how to explain to my husband that I need something that I extremely difficult for him to provide, especially since he was never taught the tools he needs to connect well.
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 3:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
dawncs
by Dawn on Jan. 25, 2013 at 4:17 PM

Welcome to the board! The good thing is that you have answers to your daughter's problems. You can get her free help through the school district with Special Education services (http://www.wrightslaw.com/) which you can request in writing an evaluation for services to her school. You can find parents like you through a support group through your local Autism Society (http://www.autism-society.org/) and Easter Seals (http://www.easterseals.org/). She can do activities through Special Olympics (http://www.specialolympics.org/), Variety Club (http://www.usvariety.org/), and TheARC (http://www.thearc.org/). Finally, you can read more about Asperger's Syndrome at http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/.

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Autistic Social Story Author
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/ (has discounts)

kajira
by Emma on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I don't have social anxiety, but I dislike most people and new environments are stressful for me because I can't focus on that much new stuff at once. I prefer to acclimate a little at a time... makes it easier to process that way. 

I understand how you feel, my family has a huge history of mental illness and autistic persons. My son is schizophrenic. (My dad was schizo) my mom is bipolar and my grandma is some kind of crazy that no one knows. 

I have a cousin who's got a daughter who's kind of like my son - and out of my siblings, my oldest brother is autistic and has an autistic son... 


What I do is have puppy play dates with my neighbor. I really don't feel a strong desire to be social with strangers or people I don't know. I'd rather bond to one or two people and have quality over quantity.

We've lived in the middle of no where for a year and i'm actually a lot more likely to WANT to be social here, than I was in a big city where I was having to constantly deal with people all the time.

I find outlets online, in vidoe games, message boards, online chats, etc. :)

I find that suits my personality more.

KatyTylersMom
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:42 PM

You might try writing your husband notes instead of speaking face to face?  That way you say exactly what you mean to say and he has time to respond w/ out feeling pressured to know the right answers?

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 5:45 PM

I guess I would start with what and how did you connect to your husband in the begining that made you fall in love?

 

This can be rhetorical if you'd like or not  :)

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:43 PM

I think you could start by printing out this post and giving it to him to read. All people are capable of change, if your husband is aware of how isolated you feel he may want to do something about it. You may have to guide him and be his teacher...good luck and welcome. In the meantime you may find this site to be a great place to get support, I have.  xo

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:06 PM
Welcome to the group!

I don't think it would hurt to tell your husband how you feel... I also think you and your daughter would enjoy some time out of the house... Whether that's at the library or the playground...both great places to meet other moms.

Cafemom has been a great place for me to meet people like myself and still be social while i was cooped up in the house. It really helps talking to others who are in the same situation. You could also take up a new hobby! Do something that makes you happy!
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JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:55 PM

I understand all too well the part about social anxiety. I too suffer it but take medication for depression and anxiety. I do talk to a therapist because sometimes I feel that a neutral voice is far better than what my family has to say. My therapist helps me to solve the problems through questions and answers. Maybe a therapist could help you too. On getting your dh to connect better with you I agree with showing him this post. You aren't being negative about the situation but asking for help. If he sees that maybe he will understand a little better. Sometimes it's hard for people who grew up in situations of not having to have or show feelings. I know of people who aren't very emotionally connected because that was how their families were. It's not always that they can't be but often times have never had to be. Maybe you could also try a game of some sorts with dh. A question and answer game. Find out things that he loves about you and you about him. It could be simple questions like. What did you think of me when we first met? Did you close your eyes during our first kiss? I don't know what you think of that game but it's an idea. Welcome to the group.

Bluerose1482
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:09 PM

Welcome to the group.  I hope you find this place as supportive as I have.

I agree with the other ladies who suggested printing this post or you writing what you are feeling and give it to him.  I think that would be a great way to communicate with him without putting him on the spot or making him reply right away.  Good luck!

Basherte
by Silver Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 11:14 AM

Good luck with that. 

I'm kind of in the same situation right now myself. 

If I find out anything that may or even may not help, I'll pass it along. I promise


MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 1:21 PM

 


Quoting lucasmadre:

I think you could start by printing out this post and giving it to him to read. All people are capable of change, if your husband is aware of how isolated you feel he may want to do something about it. You may have to guide him and be his teacher...good luck and welcome. In the meantime you may find this site to be a great place to get support, I have.  xo


 This sounds like a good idea too :)

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