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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Aspergers parents: to tell or not to tell.

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Four part question: 1) Did you tell your child about their diagnosis? 2) If so, how old was he/she? 3) How did you tell him/her? And 4) what was his/her reaction?
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by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 7:46 PM
Replies (21-30):
MommaHubbard
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 6:32 PM

I'm not sad that my son has the dx really, I'm sad that I can't give him a better answer than, "No one knows." I know my son will have a hard time with that answer-he doesn't like incomplete answers. I understand that part of him because I get frustrated with those kinds of answers too! frustrated


Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:



Quoting MommaHubbard:

My son is 5 yrs old and already recognizes that he is a little different than other people. He has started going to an ABA Therapy Center and I asked him what he though of it. He said, "It's just so nice to talk to normal people like me." So, the good news is that at this age, he thinks there's just something wrong with everyone else. I actually like this idea. But, eventually, I think eventually, I have to explain to him, that there's nothing wrong with him, or anyone else, that he just thinks a little different than some other people. He is very intelligent but this feels like such a complex thing to explain-especially since adults, doctors and scientists don't even really fully understand it. My son is never satisfied with an incomplete answer and really, that's all I will have to give him. simple frownBut, thank you for sharing the link and the books. I probably need to do this soon too....


 its really nothing to be sad about. i mean, it is different. and that means a lot more effort on our part and a lot more effort on their part than their NT peers but ... i think it will be okay. :)




kajira
by Emma on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:23 PM
3 moms liked this

I got diagnosed as an adult and all I can say is I *wish* I knew as a kid and what it meant, I would have been able to make more informed decisions and thought more carefully about how I reacted, talked, or initiated social situations with others and been able to be more self-aware to why people reacted poorly to me at times.

Not knowing as a kid was heartbreaking, learning as an adult it was such a relief to finally know why I was different and what it meant and how to compensate for it.

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2013 at 8:27 PM

 


Quoting MommaHubbard:

I'm not sad that my son has the dx really, I'm sad that I can't give him a better answer than, "No one knows." I know my son will have a hard time with that answer-he doesn't like incomplete answers. I understand that part of him because I get frustrated with those kinds of answers too! frustrated

 

Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:

 

 

Quoting MommaHubbard:

My son is 5 yrs old and already recognizes that he is a little different than other people. He has started going to an ABA Therapy Center and I asked him what he though of it. He said, "It's just so nice to talk to normal people like me." So, the good news is that at this age, he thinks there's just something wrong with everyone else. I actually like this idea. But, eventually, I think eventually, I have to explain to him, that there's nothing wrong with him, or anyone else, that he just thinks a little different than some other people. He is very intelligent but this feels like such a complex thing to explain-especially since adults, doctors and scientists don't even really fully understand it. My son is never satisfied with an incomplete answer and really, that's all I will have to give him. simple frownBut, thank you for sharing the link and the books. I probably need to do this soon too....

 

 its really nothing to be sad about. i mean, it is different. and that means a lot more effort on our part and a lot more effort on their part than their NT peers but ... i think it will be okay. :)

 

 

 

Sorry mom. didn't mean to step on your toes. i understand now. misunderstood in the begining.

im sorry

 

MommaHubbard
by on Jan. 26, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this

No worries! I wasn't upset, I just wanted to clarify. I don't always express myself as well as I'd like to. Thank you for all your sharing-I love reading your posts!


Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:



Quoting MommaHubbard:

I'm not sad that my son has the dx really, I'm sad that I can't give him a better answer than, "No one knows." I know my son will have a hard time with that answer-he doesn't like incomplete answers. I understand that part of him because I get frustrated with those kinds of answers too! frustrated


Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:



Quoting MommaHubbard:

My son is 5 yrs old and already recognizes that he is a little different than other people. He has started going to an ABA Therapy Center and I asked him what he though of it. He said, "It's just so nice to talk to normal people like me." So, the good news is that at this age, he thinks there's just something wrong with everyone else. I actually like this idea. But, eventually, I think eventually, I have to explain to him, that there's nothing wrong with him, or anyone else, that he just thinks a little different than some other people. He is very intelligent but this feels like such a complex thing to explain-especially since adults, doctors and scientists don't even really fully understand it. My son is never satisfied with an incomplete answer and really, that's all I will have to give him. simple frownBut, thank you for sharing the link and the books. I probably need to do this soon too....


 its really nothing to be sad about. i mean, it is different. and that means a lot more effort on our part and a lot more effort on their part than their NT peers but ... i think it will be okay. :)




Sorry mom. didn't mean to step on your toes. i understand now. misunderstood in the begining.

im sorry




justfiveofus
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:13 AM
1 mom liked this

My son is 7 and he doesn't know about the diagnosis.  He does know that some things are harder for him than other kids his age. He also knows that his brain "doesn't work right" (his words, not mine) sometimes.  I've told him that this is just because his brain is so busy trying to be smart it can't always get all the smart things it knows out as easily.  He has a hard time writing what he's thinking and/or getting his thoughts into words which is why he says his brain doesn't work right. 

Mi_Chelly
by Bronze Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 3:01 AM
My son is nine, will be ten in August. We have not told him that he has Autism nor has he realized he is different. Yes we have talked about it, but he has never applied it to himself. We have not tried to get him to understand that when we talk to him about Autism, that we are talking about him, we kinda hope he will one day make his own connections to what we have talked about.

I am sure if he realized his difference, we would try harder to explain to him, but right now we let things be.
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MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 8:24 AM

my son is only 4 yrs old but i think he knows he is different.

he "shys" away from other kids his age and gleefully joins older kids :/

jeda1429
by Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 10:29 AM
2 moms liked this

My son is eleven and we just told him last year. I wish we had done it sooner . He has accepted it really well, and he loves to explain autism to the other kids at school. He told me that before he knew what autism was he thought he was just getting help because he was wierd and they were trying to make him normal. I think having the diagnosis makes him feel special.  He is super smart so we have discussed all of the possible causes genetic and others ..... But I tell him that I think he is exactly who he was meant to be.

ThreeSweetPs
by on Jan. 27, 2013 at 11:30 AM
You all have been so very helpful. I appreciate your perspectives so much. If and when a dx comes (and I will be shocked if it doesn't) I am pretty sure we will tell our son right away and I will definitely use some of the strategies mentioned by you all. Thank you!
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emarin77
by Silver Member on Jan. 27, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Technically, Asperger Syndrome is being changed to mild Autism this year to the DSM-5.  My son was diagnosed with it last year.  The name of the book is HI, MY NAME IS MATT: I HAVE ASPERGER SYNDROME, by Vera Joffe, Ph. D.

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